EPILOGUE #2
JAXON AND I race behind the red curtain. A sound tech helps me put on my earpiece. Then a team of crew members helps me up a rolling staircase onto a circular platform as the opening music for the song “Fearless Heart” plays. The screaming in the crowd almost drowns out the music. I blow Jaxon a kiss from atop the platform and he flashes me a proud smile as he backs away.
His dirty-blonde hair and athletic six-foot-two frame disappear behind the backdrop with the other crew members and I know he’s in his place when the red lights behind me illuminate the curtain in front of me. A white spotlight behind me casts a silhouette of my body on the curtain as the red lights flash to the beat of the heartbeat in the song. With every beat, a row of fire blasts upward at the front of the stage. The cheering from the crowd is so loud I can feel their screams rattling my insides.
I feel sick to my stomach. My body is breaking out in a cold sweat and my mouth is gushing saliva. Then the sound of the heartbeat stops and the smell of smoke is thick in the air as the curtains part. It’s showtime.
Nine songs and three wardrobe changes later, the smell of sweat from the crowd is stronger than the sweet smell of the fog machine. A white screen slowly rolls down behind me as a crew member rushes onto the stage with a wooden stool for me to sit on and a wireless mic for me to hold. He sets down the stool and I hand him my guitar to take backstage. The lights dim and a soft spotlight shines down on me. I take a seat on the stool and sigh into the microphone.
“This next song is going to be the final song of the night.” A roar of disapproval erupts from the crowd and I laugh. “I know. But I promise it will be good. You’ve probably all heard this song before, but I’ve never performed it live. So you all are seeing the world-premiere performance.” I pause for a moment until the cheers die down. “But before I perform this song, I have a story that needs to be told. You see, two years ago today, a very special person helped me find the other half of my broken heart. And a few months later, when my heart was completely shattered beyond repair, he gave me his. The world never got to know Caleb Everett’s talent, as he was taken from us far too soon. But after tonight, everyone will know him. And to know him is to love him. Take it away, Caleb.”
Four different projectors blast rays of light through the smoky air, all focused on a spot to my right. Within seconds, a hazy image begins to form and soon a hologram of Caleb appears next to me. He’s sitting on a stool in his bedroom with his guitar in his lap. The hologram is so well defined, he looks real. Like I could just reach out and touch him and he’d respond.
Jaxon and I had to write a proposal to the director of the physics department at USC to request to use their ultra-high-definition holographic projectors. Jimi presented the proposal for us. She’s an actress and she has more poise in her pinky than Jaxon and I have in our whole bodies. Together, we managed to get USC to let us use their projectors.
Jaxon and I have been fine-tuning the audio and video feed for the past four months. He’s also been working with the rest of the lighting crew to program the projectors and the light show for this performance. Possibly, the most important performance of my life. It only makes sense that Caleb should be there to see me through it.
The crowd gets very quiet and Caleb looks up from his guitar. “I’m kind of hoping you’ll sing while I play, ’cause you know my voice is shit. But you sing like an angel. So, yeah, here it goes. ‘Chasing Abby.’”
He plucks out a soft melancholy melody on his guitar and my hands start shaking as I sing the first line.
You’re the sun that shines down on this carnival of hearts.
The ray of light that breaks through when the curtains part.
You’re the healing breath waiting for me to surface.
The spark of hope that lights me up with just a kiss.
But you’re just beyond the horizon.
Yeah, just beyond my reach.
An ocean between us and I can’t,
Can’t find a ship on this beach.
And I’ll keep standing on this shore,
Hoping the light will catch me.
Send up smoke signals you can’t ignore,
But I’ll keep chasing Abby.
’Cause time catches up with everyone,
So I’ll catch up with Abby
All through the streets and down the broken lanes.
All across the years, time and time again.
Your heart keeps me yearning, through the ages.
Your love keeps me learning, flipping pages.
But you’re just beyond the scope,
And this ship hasn’t breached.
You keep dangling the hope,
Just out of my reach.
And I’ll keep standing on this shore,
Hoping the light will catch me.
Send up smoke signals you can’t ignore,
But I’ll keep chasing Abby.
’Cause time catches up with everyone,
So I’ll catch up with Abby.
When I sailed the seas and found you huddled just beyond the signs,
Thought I’d found the grail, but turns out all I found was my sunshine.
I knew then that your heart would never really belong to me,
Because blackbirds can’t touch the sky if you never set them free.
And I’ll keep standing on this shore,
Hoping the light will catch me.
Send up smoke signals you can’t ignore,
But I’ll keep chasing Abby.
’Cause time catches up with everyone,
So I’ll catch up with Abby.
Fly away, my little sunshine.
Fly away where I can’t see.
Caleb stands from his stool and I stand up with him. He takes a bow and his hologram disappears into the foggy mist. I take a bow, wishing I could stay in this position so people can’t see the tears streaming down my face. I stand up and hold my fist over my heart. Then I close my eyes and thank Caleb for giving me wings.
After a twenty-minute encore where I perform three more tracks, including another of Caleb’s songs that’s not on the album, I bid the audience goodnight and head to the grassy field behind the stage. As expected, Chris, Claire, and Caleb; both my parents; and Jaxon are waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. Since we started sharing holidays together, both sets of parents have become quite friendly. They’ve even had dinner together without my knowledge a couple of times since I went on tour.
Amy isn’t here, but she’s promised me she’ll be attending tomorrow night’s show. I am a bit surprised to see Jimi, Junior, and Ryder standing right beside Chris and Claire. Jimi wasn’t supposed to be back from California until next week and Junior and Ryder insisted they were staying home tonight to pack their stuff to go to the beach house tomorrow.
My mom approaches me first for a hug. “That was amazing, honey,” she says, squeezing me tightly. “You looked so beautiful up there. And that last song… it took my breath away. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Everyone else takes turns hugging and congratulating me until the only ones left are Jimi and Jaxon. Jimi approaches me with tears in her eyes and just the sight of it makes me feel like crying, but I keep my composure.
“Well, I don’t know what to say after all that, other than… thanks for letting me be a small part of this. I’ve been to a lot of shows with Dad, but I think this one tops them all. You were f*cking phenomenal, sis. Caleb would probably do a pirouette if he saw that.”
I laugh and she hugs me a bit longer than everyone else. I can’t believe how much has changed in two years. Today, Jimi is the one person I will miss the most while Chris and I are on the road this summer. But there’s one person I won’t have to miss. And when I let Jimi go, Jaxon is standing there, wearing a crooked smile that fills me with both joy and sorrow.
Jaxon knew from the day we met that he had some big shoes to fill. Which is why, though we met almost a year and a half after Caleb’s death, it still took two months of flirting for him to work up the nerve to ask me out. And even then, it took three dates for him to try to kiss me.
I don’t blame him, though. When we first met, my favorite topic was Caleb. And there’s never a family gathering where he’s not mentioned. But Jaxon has one of the kindest, gentlest souls I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. And he’s always encouraging me to remember Caleb. Not just for the gifts he gave me, but for teaching me how to give and receive love.
Jaxon holds his hand out to me and I’m reminded of Caleb’s lyrics: “I knew then that your heart would never really belong to me / Because blackbirds can’t touch the sky if you never set them free.” My heart will always belong to Caleb. But Jimi is right. Wherever Caleb is, he’s beaming with pride because I got up on that stage tonight and gave my heart—his heart—to the music. And I danced like he was the only one watching.
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RIPPED
A Shattered Hearts Series Novel