“What are you thinking?” I asked Derrick. We had just gotten back from Vegas and we were relaxing in my bed, tangled up in one another.
Shrugging his shoulders, Derrick said, “Nothing much.” He turned to me. “I’m really happy, Pat.”
Pat. It was starting to grow on me. The only people who called me that were my grandparents and Derrick. The three most important people in my life. Letting out a breath, I smiled. “So am I.” This was it. I had planned on asking Derrick about this for a while but I was struggling on how to.
“What’s wrong?” Derrick asked.
I guess he could sense the atmosphere was different. Looking into his eyes, I could tell he was really nervous. I let my forehead rest against his. Closing my eyes, I let out a deep breath. “Nothing, Derrick.” I gave him a reassuring smile but he didn’t buy it.
Quirking his eyebrows together, he asked, “Seriously, what’s wrong? You’re starting to make me nervous.”
“Okay, here goes.” Pausing, I took a breath. “What do you think about moving in with me?” My heart was beating wild. I couldn’t believe I had just asked him that. I mean, he was practically living here. He slept over every night and he had a drawer, but he still lived at his apartment. I knew his lease was going to end soon. The school year was about to be finished. Most students would go back home, however, Derrick’s dad still wasn’t talking to him. His mom called frequently but I could tell things just weren’t the same between them.
Derrick still hadn’t said anything so I said, “If you—”
“Shut up, Pat,” Derrick said. I looked up into his eyes and saw he was smiling at me. “Of course I’ll move in with you.” Leaning in, Derrick lightly kissed me on the lips. As he pulled back, I saw a tear run its way down his cheek.
Using my thumb, I wiped it away. “What’s the matter?” I asked in a small voice.
Derrick kept his eyes closed and shook his head. “Nothing,” he muttered under his breath. Opening his eyes, he smiled and whispered, “I love you, Patrick.”
“I love you, Derrick,” I whispered back.
He smirked at me. “Then show me.”
And I did just that.
***
“So what have you two been up to lately?” Gram asked as she took a sip of her coffee.
It seemed now every Sunday we had breakfast with my grandparents. At first it was just breakfast but recently it had turned into an all-day hangout. Derrick didn’t seem to mind, which I was relieved about. My grandparents meant the world to me. I didn’t know where I would be without them. They took me in when I was little and I’m the man I am today because of them.
Turning, I met Derrick’s eyes at the same time, and smirking at one another, I heard Gram say, “Hm. So you two have been having fun, I guess?”
“Come on, Ev,” Gramps said as he took another bite of food. He swung his fork back and forth. “Let’s talk about something else, huh?”
Smiling sweetly at Gramps, Gram turned to us. Placing her elbows on the table, she cupped her face in her hands. “So when are we going to have some great grandkids?”
“Jesus, Ev.”
Waving her hand back and forth, Gram looked over and said, “Oh hush up, Herman.”
Gramps just shook his head and muttered something underneath his breath.
Turning back to look at us, Gram asked, “Yes? I’m waiting.”
I started to open my mouth when Derrick said, “Eventually,” while he grabbed my hand.
“Oh yay!” Gram cheered.
I turned to look at Derrick, who faced towards me with a smile. I knew Derrick loved me and that I loved him. There was no question about that. But I think even when you’re in love you have questions. You still get nervous. You still get butterflies. I think when you stop getting nervous, and by nervous I mean in the best way possible, not the nervous when you question getting another slice of pizza or doing something stupid. I mean nervous when you feel giddy and almost like a child on the night before Christmas. Anyway, I think when you stop getting nervous or feeling butterflies, that’s when the relationship dies.
Turning towards my grandparents, I could see that they still had that giddiness to them. They still laughed and joked around. They played and cuddled up in one another’s arms. That’s what I wanted and I knew I could have that with Derrick. Sure, there would be struggles and problems, but real relationships aren’t perfect. And perfect ones aren’t real. I want real. I want the messes and the mistakes. I want the struggles and the imperfections.
I have carried with me what my mom told me when I was younger throughout my life. I think every single one of us live by a motto. That one is mine. It’s true what she said. “When you struggle, you have something to strive for.” I don’t want to ever make it to the top, because I can only go down from there.
“So who wants to watch the game with me?” Gramps asks.