Chapter Twenty-Three: Melanie
After my confession, the weeks sped by until suddenly it was spring. And for the first time in my life, I truly appreciate all the vibrant colors of the season. Everything meant more to me now—now that I’d been to the dark side and back. I was still racking up gold stars in therapy. So much so, that Dr. Leighton agreed to let me start back to school two weeks early.
I was excited, but at the same time, scared to death. I didn’t know how people would receive me. Would I get stared at all the time in the hallway? Would people treat me like a disease? And what if there were people who didn’t believe me?
But the Saturday before I was to start back on Monday, Garrison called the house. Mom and Dad were out working in the yard, so I took the call. “Melanie, I have some good news and bad news.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. Mark Thompson has taken a plea deal by the prosecution and confessed to raping you.”
The phone slipped through my hands and clattered noisily to the kitchen floor. My lungs constricted, and I couldn’t breathe. From far off, I heard Garrison calling my name. Finally, I bent over and grabbed up the phone. In a strangled voice, I asked, “He really admitted it?”
“Yes, he did.”
I exhaled with a wheeze like a deflated tire. “Well, that’s good right? I mean, now I won’t have to testify or Jordan.”
“Right. There won’t be a trial now.”
“So what’s the bad news?”
“By taking the deal, he gets five years tops, probably only three served.”
A lump formed in my throat. “That’s all?”
“I’m sorry, Melanie, but that’s it. But at least it goes on the record as an admission of his guilt. Not to mention his teaching license has been revoked. He’ll never teach or coach again.”
I didn’t know how to feel. Part of me felt vindicated that he’d owned up to what he’d done, but the other part of me was desperate to see him rot away for years in jail. And then there was the fear of running into him after he got out. I shuddered at the thought.
The next week I saw Dr. Leighton everyday. Starting back to school and Coach T’s plea bargain had me reeling emotionally. I barely slept at night. I worried I was having a huge set back, but Dr. Leighton assured me it was just a bump in the road. But there was also something else—something much more positive that I needed to talk about with her.
Will and I were going away together to Hilton Head, South Carolina for Spring Break. Instead of Panama City, Florida or any of the other drunken party spots, we wanted somewhere quiet where we could be alone together. He made all the arrangements for us. And while we were going to tan and take it easy, there was something else we were going to tackle.
And that was sex.
We’d been together every day since I was released from the hospital, but our relationship was totally platonic except for kissing. There was a small part of me that wanted to keep it that way. But I also knew I wanted to be with him. And even though it was evident that each of us wanted more, we were afraid of what it might to do me. But I was willing to try anything to ensure what happened with Coach T wouldn’t destroy our future.
Friday afternoon before we left, I met one last time with Dr. Leighton. We talked about school and homework and graduation, and then we got around to Spring Break.
“And what are you telling your parents?” Dr. Leighton asked, a look of amusement on her face.
I blushed. “They think I’m going to the beach with Lauren and some girls from the team and that Will is going to be there with his friends.”
“Ah, I see.”
I ducked my head, staring at my newly painted toenails. “Is it wrong I’m lying to them? I mean, I worry about lying more than I ever have before. Even if it’s the tiniest thing, I lay awake at night going over and over it.”
“That’s understandable considering the circumstances. Just like with your trust, it’s going to take some time for you to be comfortable with what you lied about in the past.”
I grinned. “Hmm, sounds like you’re advocating me lying.”
“Not exactly. But we’re all human and all humans lie.”
“Do they all lie to their parents so they can sneak off with their boyfriend?”
“Well, you’re not exactly lying, are you? I mean, you will be at the beach.”
I shook my head. “Dr. Leighton, I’m ashamed!”
She laughed. The timer went off, signaling our time was up. When I rose from the couch, she handed me a slip of paper. “What’s this?” I asked.
“It’s my cell phone. In case you need me while you’re gone.”
I smiled. “Dial-A-Doctor.”
She nodded. “Yep, day or night.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”
Before I headed out the door, she hugged me. “Have a wonderful time, Melanie. You deserve it.”
“I’ll try. And thanks.”
***
Will was waiting for me outside. We were driving my car, so his mom had dropped him off.
“All packed?” he asked.
“Yep and ready to go.”
He nodded and headed around to the trunk to load his bags. When he popped it, he shot me a look. “We’re only going to be gone for five days, Mel. By the looks of this, you’d think we were leaving for college!”
“Oh just quit your whining, and load the car.”
He tossed his one bag in among my three and shook his head. “Women.”
I swept my hands to my hips. “And what if I need all that to be beautiful for you?”
“Mel, no one is that ugly!” he said, with a grin.
I laughed. “Whatever.”
During the drive, we talked and sang along to the radio. I dozed off after awhile, and Will woke me up when we arrived. We grabbed a quick bite before heading back to the condo.
The first night we were so exhausted from the drive we fell asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow. The next day we woke up early and spent the day lounging around the beach and walking on the shore.
Just as it was getting dark, Will mumbled something about grabbing a quick shower before he headed back to the condo. I hung around on the beach, wanting to finish my book. When I walked through the door, I gasped. There was a trail of rose petals leading to the bedroom. I followed them, my feet sliding along their silky texture. Inside the room, candles flickered. I heard Will behind me, and I turned around. “This is beautiful,” I murmured.
He smiled. “I wanted something beautiful for you…for us.”
I wrapped my arms around him and brought my lips to his. The warmth of his tongue slid into my mouth as I ran my fingers through the silky strands of his dark hair. He held me tight in his strong embrace as all of our longing poured out in deep kisses. We moved toward the bed, each helping the other take off bits and pieces of clothing. Stripped down to our underwear, we lay back on the bed.
Staring into my eyes, Will once again brought his lips to mine as his hand tentatively came up to cup my breast. When I didn’t recoil away from him or freak out, he caressed me tenderly over my bra. I wanted the feel of his hands on my bare skin, so I reached up to pull down the straps. His mouth left mine to kiss a moist trail down my neck while he palmed my naked breasts.
Desire began to pool below my waist as I took one of Will’s hands and brought it between my legs. A warm, dizzying rush flooded me as he stroked and teased me. This was familiar—we had been here before many, many times over our relationship. Will knew just the right buttons to push to get me off, just as I did him. I was moving close to go over the edge when Will shifted his weight on top of me.
Then like flipping a switch, all the old memories came charging back. I huffed breaths of panic, rather than pleasure as I jerked away from him. This time instead of screaming and flailing around, I simply started crying.
Will eased up on his knees and stared down at me. “Mel, was I hurting you? I can go slower…softer.”
“I can’t. I just can’t. I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.
“Shh, don’t cry. We knew this might happen,” he said. He tried pulling me into his arms, but I slid out of the bed.
I couldn’t stay there in that beautiful room so full of romance. I jerked up the straps of bra before sliding on my beach cover up. “Where are you going?” Will asked.
“To the beach.”
“But it’s dark out.”
“I’ll be all right,” I said. Without another word to him, I slid on my flip-flops, grabbed a flashlight, and headed out the door.
I hurried across the boardwalk. My steps echoed in the silence surrounding me. When I got to the end, I slipped my shoes off and felt the cool sand between my toes. The wind had picked up. It whipped my hair against my face, making me wish I’d pulled it back into a ponytail. I walked to the edge of the shore and into the water. The waves rushed with a new urgency, and I didn’t miss the subtle irony that a storm must be brewing on the horizon.
I stood in the water up to my knees, letting the waves crash against me. My tears dripped off my cheeks and fell back into the water.
“Mel?”
“I’m here,” I said.
Will stepped over to me. “I got worried about you.” He had a flashlight and blanket in his arms.
“I’m sorry.”
He glanced around. “You should be out here by yourself. What if someone…” he trailed off. Even in the pitch blackness, I knew he was blushing.
“I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t stay in that room. Everything was so perfect, and I ruined it.”
“You didn’t ruin it.”
“Yes, I did. You tried so hard to make it beautiful for me, and I couldn’t.”
His pulled me into his arms and wrapped the blanket around me. “It’s okay, Mel. We don’t have to have sex tonight or the next night or even this week. I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
My only response was to tremble uncontrollably. He sighed. “Come on, let’s get you inside,” he said.
We started back through the sand. “Can’t we sit out here for awhile? It’s so peaceful,” I suggested.
“Whatever you want.”
He took blanket off my arms and spread it on the sand. He sat down first and pulled me back in his arms. When I turned towards him, I pressed my head against his chest. A gentle thump, thump, thump, thump filled my ears. And I remembered; it was my favorite position.
I brought my lips to Will’s. He was cautious and barely kissed me back. But when I raked my hand through his hair and pressed my tongue against his lips, he moaned.
With absolute certainty, I gently pushed him onto his back. I whisked the beach cover-up over my head. Trembling fingers found their way to my bra straps as I slowly pulled them down over my shoulders. The sound of my bra clasp snapping open caused Will to groan. “Mel, don’t you know what you’re doing to me?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
“Am I making you want me?” I asked.
“Yes, oh God, yes.”
I smiled. “Good, cause I want you, too.”
He rose up on his elbows. “Out here?”
“Umm, hmm.”
“Even after what happened tonight?”
“Umm, hmm.”
When I brought my hands to his shorts, he fell back against the blanket. He didn’t question me anymore. Instead, he gave in, and so did I.
***
We stayed out on the beach all night. I wanted to conquer another first—seeing the sun rise over the ocean. I felt it would be the perfect end to such a wonderful night.
And it had been wonderful…several times.
But the voice of doubt that still mocked me from time to time was afraid the sun might be blotted out by the clouds. Then the perfect image of a beach sunrise would be ruined. Then the storms would blow in. I figured Will and I would be stuck inside the rest of the day, but that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
As the streaks came across the sky, it wasn’t as brilliant as it could’ve been. But it at least it was there—consistent and true. It made me think of mine and Will’s love. There would always be dark clouds that hung over us—threatening to block out our love. But no matter what happened, our love would still be there—trying to shine through whatever dark times came.