Chapter 41
We burned together.
We burned for fun.
We burned in front of everyone.
We were the stars.
~ Romeo’s Quest
It was the night before she was heading back to Chicago. After school tomorrow, Ashlyn would be on a train leaving town. I stood near the dock with Gabby’s guitar, staring at the frozen water, my hands jammed into my jeans. Randy had been out to check on me a few times, but I’d told him I would be all right. I had to be. She would hate if I was anything but okay.
The gloom of winter dwelled on everything. I could see it in every breath I took. The music and mystery of the lake was silenced by ice. But the music in her delicate voice sang to me.
“Hey,” Ashlyn whispered, walking behind me. Henry had let her borrow his car to say goodbye to a few people. She’d said that she was only using it to come see me. Her eyelids were hooded. She hadn’t slept a wink last night either.
“Hey,” I smiled, turning her way. She had a box in her hands. My eyes shifted to the small bonfire I’d started up at the request of her. I laughed, “Man, you look hideous. So f*cking ugly.”
She smiled wide. “Romancing—you’re doing it right.”
“This sucks,” I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck.
“I know…” We walked over to the fire and she opened the box. “Are you ready?”
I wasn’t. But I picked up my guitar and started playing, singing low.
May the winds be our friends, floating us home.
May tomorrows be the beauty where each soul goes.
“Ryan’s fake cigarette box,” she said, holding it up. She tossed it into the flames and we watched the smoke send off into the air.
May the journey be worth the ultimate death.
May the sweet memories of us never be put to rest…
When she held up the letters from Gabby, I cringed. “Ashlyn, are you sure?”
A tear rolled down her cheek and she nodded, placing them in the fire.
Fine lines between here and there.
Bursting flames ignite the air.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Angels, listen closely now.
I finished strumming on Gabby’s guitar and we stood there, watching the smoke move through the calming, chilly winds. Ashlyn reached into the box and pulled out two pieces of paper and two pens.
“What now?” I asked, moving over to her. She handed me a piece of paper and pen.
“In five years, where do you see yourself?” She looked down at the blank piece of paper. “Write it down. And after I go to college, after you start rebuilding this place…we’ll exchange our notes. Right where we started.”
“You’re so f*cking dramatic,” I laughed and frowned at once. But I wrote it down and slid it into my pocket. She did the same.
“I better get going. But I’ll see you at school tomorrow?”
“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”
She stood still, staring at me. The pull of my soul brought me to her and I wrapped her in my arms. I looked up to the rosy-hued sky that was widening off in the far distance, and I tried my best to not let her go.
“I understand why you’re leaving. I understand you wanting to find yourself, you deserve that. There’s no one in this world that deserves to find themselves more than you. But if it’s okay with you, I would like to say everything that’s been screaming in my head for the next forty-five seconds. And when I finish, I want you to pull away from me, and walk toward your car.”
“Daniel…” she hesitated.
“Please? Please, Ashlyn.” Her stare found the ground and when she looked back toward me, she nodded. I stepped in closer. My lips met the edge of her left ear and I whispered. “I thought I made you up. I thought that I was living in a world of darkness and I imagined you into existence. That somehow my mind crafted you, placing you on that train months ago. But then I realized I could never dream of something so beautiful.
“You’re the reason people believe in tomorrow. You’re the voice that scares the shadows away. You’re the love that makes me breathe. So for the next few seconds, I’m going to be selfish. I’m going to say things that I don’t want you to listen to.” My hands ran up and down her back as I pulled her closer, feeling her nerves rocking throughout her. I kissed the edge of her ear. “Don’t go. Stay with me forever. Please, Ashlyn. Let me be your everything. Make me your golden. Don’t. Go.”
I pulled away from her, and felt guilty for her tears. She gave me a smile and nodded. Her footsteps toward the car were slow, and she turned back to face me. “You’ll be here? When I find myself?”
“Promise, promise.”
I walked into the school building to see Ashlyn laughing at her locker with Jake and Hailey. Walking past it, I saw pictures of watermelons covering it from top to bottom. I laughed right along with her as I watched Jake and Hailey mocking her with the pictures they’d clearly put up.
Ashlyn’s green eyes locked with mine and I felt my heart pound harder. She smiled and frowned all within two seconds before I looked away.
“That was the most romantic look I’ve ever seen in my life,” Hailey muttered to Ashlyn. I kept walking.
“No lie,” Jake muttered, “I think I just got a hard-on from watching you two.”
I laughed at that one, but I didn’t turn back. Because I knew if I looked back, I wouldn’t be able to let this happen. I would hold her against me and whisper, “Please don’t go.”
“Dan.” Henry walked over to me, a grim look on his face. “Can I see you in my office really fast?”
He was hurting knowing that Ashlyn was heading back to Chicago. It was bleeding out of his eyes. I knew the feeling.
We walked into his office and he closed the door behind me. Before I could sit down in the desk, I felt a hard fist connect with my eye. “Holy shit, Henry! What the hell was that?!”
“You f*cking bastard! You used my daughter!” He swung again, slamming me in my gut. I whined in pain as the wind was knocked out of me. I bent over, trying to fight off the pain. “She’s my daughter!”
Another punch to the gut.
“My ex-wife called me, making sure everything was in place. Making sure Ashlyn was doing okay. But she was so worried.” He swung again, but this time I blocked it. “She was so worried about Ashlyn having to leave her boyfriend. And I thought to myself, ‘What boyfriend?’ Ashlyn didn’t have a f*cking boyfriend.”
“Henry, let me explain—”
He didn’t. “And then Kim recalls his name. She tells me his band’s name. Guess what it was?”
The office door opened with me on the ground and I saw Ashlyn’s face. Her mouth hung open and she stepped in quickly, closing the door behind her. Her eyes shot to her father and she stood in front of me as I stood up.
“Henry, look at me,” she said, putting her hands up in the air.
“Ashlyn, he used you!” Henry screamed, tossing his arms in the air.
I wiped off the bit of blood dripping from my mouth.
“No. No he didn’t.”
“You’re confused. You’d been through so much,” Henry sighed, running his hands through his hair.
“Dad, look at me,” she whispered, taking his hands into hers. “He saved me. If you have ever loved me, you will let me explain. You will listen to me, and you will not get Daniel into any trouble.”
He stood still, thinking of his daughter’s words. Then he turned toward me. “I never want to see you near her again.”
“Henry—” I started.
Ashlyn cut me off. “I’m leaving! I’m leaving, I swear. It’s over.”
Those words cut into me, and I wiped my hand across my brow, agreeing with Ashlyn. “It’s over.”