Dancing for the Lord The Academy

Chapter Twelve

“That’s your dad.” Danni frowned. “He doesn’t look particularly scary,” she pointed out patiently.

“Oh, he’s not scary,” Nick admitted readily. “He’s just…not a big fan of me dancing.”

“You’d think, as good as you are, that he’d cut you a little slack,” she told him softly.

“You’d think that, wouldn’t you? And yet here we sit, and we’re about to be in for a wonderfully hostile confrontation.” Nick grimaced. “All right. Let’s do this.” He didn’t make any move to flag his parents down as he waded back into the crush of people. Halfway to them, however, he stopped. “Do me a favor?” he asked her quietly.

Danni waited. As much as Nick’s mood had changed in the last few minutes, she had the feeling that she needed to hear what the favor was before she agreed to it.

He smiled briefly, acknowledging her wisdom in not agreeing immediately. “Don’t tell my parents I’m hurt, okay?”

She started to argue with him. Didn’t his family, at least, have the right to know how he was feeling? On the other hand, if he wanted to keep it to himself, that was his business—and if the look in his eyes was any indication, there was reason enough for it, whether she wanted to admit it or not. “Okay,” she said simply.

Nick squeezed her hand gratefully—and then there was no more chance to discuss anything, because they were standing in front of the couple that he had pointed out earlier.

“Hey, Mom,” Nick said lightly. “Dad.”

“Nick, you looked wonderful out there!” His mother hugged him warmly. “I know you said you were dancing the part of the prince, but I hadn’t realized just how intense it is!”

“Oh, there are roles that are more intense.” Including a couple that required a good bit more energy—which Nick was suddenly grateful that he hadn’t had to summon.

“Well, you were perfect,” she insisted. “I’m so glad we got to come.”

“I’m glad you were here, too. But hey, don’t give me too much credit, Mom.” Nick was aware that his father wasn’t more than a few inches away, but he made no effort whatsoever to pull him into the conversation. They’d been down that road before, and it never, never ended well.

“And this is your partner—the Katarina you mentioned at the first of the year?” The words emerged as a question.

“Oh—no. Kat…got hurt.” Which was all Nicholas intended to say about it no matter how hard they tried to drag it out of him. “This is Danni, Mom.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Best,” Danni said quickly, slipping in to offer her hand to the older woman.

“And Danni, this is my dad.” Nick gestured to him, but made no move to introduce him further.

“It’s nice to meet you, Danni,” Mrs. Best gushed.

Mr. Best just smiled coldly, all but ignoring her.

“Nicholas!” His wife elbowed him—and as she hissed his name, Danni realized immediately exactly what it was that Nick hated about his full name.

He was named for a father who not only had no appreciation whatsoever for what he did, but who actively disliked it. That distaste was evident on the older man’s face even now, as he gazed around him. Every time his eyes landed on a male dancer, he winced.

Danni gritted her teeth and didn’t say anything. That distaste had been around since a long time before her, and there was nothing she could say that would make it any better. She just laced her fingers a little bit more tightly through her partner’s, offering him as much reassurance as she could.

“Well…” Nick cleared his throat when it became evident that his father was going to ignore the whispered command. “Danni’s parents are saving a table—let’s head on in, all right?”

“Oh, of course! Now, is this your first year here, or are you a senior?” his mother bubbled, turning her attention to Danni—a knee-jerk reaction to his father’s rude behavior, Nick knew. He was used to the routine by now.

“First year,” Danni agreed cheerfully. “Nick and I have been working to get as much done as we can before senior year—those self-paced courses, you know.”

His father snorted.

Nick tightened his hand on Danni’s—not in warning, but in an effort to remind himself that he had to keep his temper under control. Letting his father have it in the middle of the parents’ day presentation wouldn’t be productive—no matter how much better it might make him feel.

“And how’s that going?” His mother’s voice was a little bit too high as she asked the question. “Are you two accomplishing a lot? I’m sure it must be a struggle, what with rehearsals and all.”

“Oh, it’s been interesting—but we make a pretty good team.” Danni sent Nick a look that warmed the tight place in his chest—a place that got tighter with every passing moment. “We’re actually pretty far ahead at this point—that senior year devoted completely to dance is looking more likely all the time.”

His father made a rude noise again.

Danni’s hand was white in Nick’s grasp. He tried his best to let it off a little bit, but that only increased the fury bubbling inside him.

Please, Lord, don’t let me lose my temper. I knew he’d be like this if he came. I didn’t even want him here. But…at least he did come. At least he cared enough to see me in my first major role.

“Well, how about that!” Mrs. Best smiled at Danni. “Nick, we are so proud of you,” she told him warmly.

That obnoxious noise. Couldn’t his father just hold his silence and leave things alone? They all knew that she was really speaking only for herself!

“Well—not everyone could do what you’ve done.” Her voice faltered for only a moment. “You’ve worked so hard—completing school on time with your dance schedule would be difficult, but here you are, finishing early!”

“Danni’s helped a lot.” He forced the words out through a throat that felt tight with shame. “She’s really a great partner all the way around.” Let his father see how much she meant to him. Heck, let him see that he was getting more and more attached all the time.

His father actually had the gall to shake his head in disbelief.

Nick ground his teeth and led the way into the dining room, hoping—praying—that Danni’s family would at least be able to pick up the lags in the conversation. He doesn’t want to be here, Lord. Why didn’t he just stay at home? Why did he have to come out here and ruin everything? Danni and I did so well tonight—accomplished something that no one even realizes we did. No one but Androv knows those steps well enough to know that we changed them, but we did it. Danni changed the choreography—we pulled off a performance that we had never even rehearsed before—and he can’t even congratulate me for that! No, it’s all, “How dare my son decide to be a dancer?” It’s not like I’m a stripper, Lord! I’m dancing for you!

His plea went unanswered, as it had gone unanswered every time he had ever lifted it heavenward. Dinner was a tense affair. Danni’s family filled in the frequent silences as best as they could—though several times, Danni’s little sister had a sharp comment of her own to add—but the rising conflict was evident in spite of their best efforts to conceal it.

Danni kept her hand tucked in Nick’s throughout most of the meal—leading to a few very pointed comments from Lizzie about Michael, pining away for his missing partner. Nick ignored her. He already understood the relationship between Danni and Michael, and while they might be best friends, he had no fear that he was stepping into the middle of anything. Danni had been too honest with him for that.

Unfortunately, Lizzie wasn’t the only one who took note of that connection. Several times throughout the meal, Mr. Best had cleared his throat, looked like he might say something, and then pulled back again at the last minute. Finally, he stood, drawing every eye at the table to him.

“You might say this is none of my business,” he said flatly. “And maybe it’s not. Maybe I’m an old fool who ought to keep my nose out of where it doesn’t belong. But I just can’t bear to see a girl disappointed over a matter like this.”

Danni stared at him, her mind not working fast enough to catch up with him.

“You seem like a good girl,” Mr. Best told her. “And it’s wonderful that you’re interested in my Nick. I’m grateful for it. But—well, you see, there’s no chance that it will ever go anywhere.”

Nick’s face went dead white—Danni’s first signal that something was very, very wrong. His mother sucked in a hard breath, struggling for words—and came up absolutely flat.

Mr. Best could see that he had the attention of everyone at the table. He was uncomfortable with it; but that didn’t stop him from forging ahead anyway. “Nick—“ He stopped. “This is hard for a man to say. I wish I didn’t have to say it.”

“Dad—“ Nick found his voice, desperate to put a stop to it. He didn’t want to have this argument again. He’d thought they’d had it out already!

“Nick is…is gay.’ The older man’s voice shook as he said the words; it was evident that he hadn’t said them aloud very many times at all.

Nick’s hands slammed down on the table, and he glowered at his father furiously, the masks of civility ripped away. “How many times do I have to tell you?” he demanded heatedly. “I’m not—“ He stopped, forcing himself to breathe evenly and speak rationally. “I’m not gay, Dad. Just as straight as you are. I like girls. I have never had so much as the first boyfriend—never even considered it.”

“No? You’re telling me that you get up there and parade around in tights and a—and a tutu, showing everything you’ve got to the entire world, and there’s not something wrong with you?”

“Nicholas,” Mrs. Best whispered.

“I’m not going to listen to you lie to me!” Mr. Best glowered at his son as though he had done something filthy at the dinner table.

“It has nothing to do with my sexual orientation!” Nick’s hands fisted, the muscle in his jaw so tight that Danni was sure he would have a screaming headache tomorrow. “I’m just a dancer, Dad, nothing more, nothing less. How many times am I going to have to tell you that before you believe me?”

“How about when you start meaning it?” the older man demanded.

“I’ve meant it every time!” Nick’s voice was rising again.

Lord, give him peace and patience, Danni prayed desperately; but it was already too late. Neither of the men seemed inclined to calm down now.

“Liar! I have a—a—“ The word his father used then was very rude indeed. “For a son—and now you make yourself a liar on top of that! How dare you!”

Nick just looked at him—just that. There was no answer for those cruel words.

His father, on the other hand, seemed to have plenty of them. “I’m ashamed of you. Do you even realize that? Ashamed to talk about you. I used to keep your picture on my desk—used to tell people all about my boy. Why couldn’t you be a real man?”

Nick’s face went even paler than it had been earlier that evening, when he struggled with the pain in his shoulder. There were a hundred things he wanted to say—a shocked Danni could practically see them racing behind his eyes—but he didn’t say any of them.

He just turned and strode out of the room.

She couldn’t let him go off like that—couldn’t leave him alone while he struggled with whatever emotions those words had brought up. “Excuse me.” She didn’t look at anyone as she jumped to her feet and hurried after him.

It didn’t take her long to find him. Nick was standing outside, breathing hard as he shoved his hands into his pockets and stared up at the star-filled sky.

She skidded to a stop, not sure whether or not he would be welcome. Looking up like that…she was sure that he had taken his pain to God, and God was far better equipped to deal with it than she.

Speak to him. The voice of God resounded gently in her heart—and Danni made a practice of never ignoring that still, small voice.

“Nick?” she said quietly.

He looked over at her. There were no tears in his eyes, no trace of them on his face; but for just an instant, she felt every one of them nonetheless. “It’s nothing new, Danni,” he told her tiredly. “Just the same bile he’s been spewing all my life.”

“It’s cruel,” she said flatly.

“It’s reality.” Nick’s correction was very gentle. “He wanted a son who did manly things—and he’s convinced that if I’m not interested in those things, then of course there must be something wrong with me.”

“But there’s nothing wrong with you.” She reached out to him, but let her hand fall away before she actually touched him. “You just happen to be very good at something that most men aren’t good at, that’s all.”

He chuckled hoarsely. “Don’t you wish it were that easy?”

“Yes.” Her voice was small. “I wish your father could see it that way.”

He was silent for several seconds; there was a faint hint of jealousy in his voice as he asked, “Did Michael have this problem?”

Danni hesitated. Michael’s struggles with his father were private; since he would be joining her at the Academy next year, it didn’t seem fair to air his dirty laundry to someone else. On the other hand….

“Yeah,” she said softly. If it would help Nick to realize that he wasn’t the only one who had to deal with this kind of nonsense, she would give him at least a little peek at Michael’s story—no matter how difficult it might be. “Yeah, Michael’s dad…he didn’t like that his son was a dancer.”

“Didn’t.” Nick picked up on the key word immediately.

“Didn’t,” she agreed.

“What changed?”

She hesitated, but finally admitted, “He realized that he was in danger of losing the son he had if he didn’t accept him for who he was.”

All of the hope faded from Nick’s eyes. “Mine doesn’t care.”

There was nothing that Danni could say to that—no words that even stood a chance of making it better. This was an old wound, she realized, and one that Nick had dealt with time and again over his years as a dancer.

It seemed a heavy price to pay—and in his place, Danni wasn’t sure she would have been able to handle it. She had always known that she had her father’s support and his love.

Nick had never known the support and love of his father.

All she could do was tuck her hand in his again and lead him quietly back to his house. She had intended to go in with him; but when they reached it, Nick pulled back and simply shook his head. “I need some time alone, Danni,” he admitted tiredly.

She started to protest. He didn’t need to be alone—not in that much pain. The look in his eyes, however, stopped her. He needed to be with the one who could comfort him more than anyone else in the world—the one who understood everything that had ever happened between him and his father, and who had been there for him through all of it. “All right,” she said at last. “Just…make sure you ice that shoulder before you go to bed, all right?”

“I will.” He squeezed her hand gratefully. “I won’t let you down tomorrow, Danni—I promise.”

“I’m not worried about that.” She stared straight into his eyes, wishing that she could impress him with the force of her caring. “I’m worried about you.”

Nick felt tension draining out him at that—tension that he hadn’t thought he would ever be able to lose. “Thanks, Danni,” he said huskily.

“Hey.” She caught his hand for a last moment before releasing him once and for all. “I’ll have my phone on me. Call if you need me.”

“I will.” He did his best to smile for her, knew that it fell flat. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“Come hide out in my room,” she encouraged. “Allie won’t be able to corner you that way.”

Nick agreed, albeit reluctantly. What he really wanted to do was spend the bulk of the day sulking.

But that’s not what you want, is it, Lord? He prayed tiredly. You want me to set this aside and forgive him.

Again.

Nick felt as though he had done it a hundred times already, setting aside all of the hurtful things his father had said to him and refusing to let them impact him anymore. It wasn’t getting better with time.

Tonight, all of those wounds felt as though they were fresh and screaming. Alone in his room, Nick found himself pacing, unable to even sit down long enough to ice his shoulder.

Lord, why? Why did he even come tonight if he was just going to make me feel like crap about it? That was his reaction at first. It isn’t like he cares about seeing me dance. Did he come just to yell at me?

There was no answer—not that Nick had expected one. How many times over the years had he asked these painful questions? How many times had he pushed himself to come up with answers where there were none, to figure out how to handle a situation that had no delicate solution? He loved to dance—had felt called to it since he was just a child. His father felt that his decision to dance instead of joining some more traditionally masculine sport made him less of a man.

There was no compromise. Oh, Nick had tried for one. He’d played basketball for awhile in middle school, and even played football for a little while—but there was no thrill in it. He didn’t do competition well—not the kind of team competition that traditional sports turned into. Besides, they couldn’t even compare to the true exhilaration of pushing his body, of knowing that he was getting stronger and better, and that he was creating something beautiful for his God.

No compromise. No way out. In so many ways, coming to the Academy had been a blessing; and one of the most important of those was the fact that he wouldn’t have to look at his father’s disapproval over the breakfast table every morning.

Lord, Lord…. Nick cried out in his heart; and if not for the fact that his tears had already turned to stone, he would have been weeping outright. When is he going to accept me for who I am?

There was no peace to be had—no comfort. Sometime in the long hours of the night, Nick finally fell asleep, but it was not a peaceful, healing sleep. Instead, he dreamed a hundred dreams, relived a dozen different fights with a man who would never be able to accept him for who he was.

It felt as though his heart was bleeding.



To Nick’s relief, Danni said nothing about the confrontation with his father when he slipped into her room the next morning. She was sitting in the floor, her legs extended in a near-perfect straddle split as she read from one of her textbooks; and while she looked up as he came in, her eyes were still oddly unfocused, her attention clearly elsewhere. “Hey,” she said absently.

“Hey.” He crouched down beside her, where he could see the textbook she had open on the floor. “You haven’t been working ahead without me, have you?”

She didn’t reply for several seconds; when she did look up, it took her several seconds to focus on his face. “Not really,” she admitted tiredly. “I’m not sure I’ve actually absorbed anything I’ve read this morning, honestly.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing, then?” he asked curiously.

“Praying.” Danni sighed, giving up and shutting the book once and for all. “Unfortunately, if I look like I’m sitting here doing nothing, people tend to interrupt.”

“Thus the prop.” Nick made a face. Since he had encountered similar problems, he understood that the Bible was not considered occupation enough—thus the reason that Danni had a schoolbook open in front of her instead.

“Thus the prop,” she agreed grimly.

“Praying about anything in particular?” he wanted to know.

She glanced up at him, and he could feel her waffling back and forth on whether or not she was going to tell him. Finally, she admitted, “You.”

“Me?” He couldn’t have been more stunned. “But—I mean—“

“You were having a hard time last night,” she said perceptively.

Nick nodded.

“Especially after I left.”

He stared at her. How did she know—and then it hit him. “God’s been convicting you in that direction, huh?” he asked tiredly.

She nodded. “Nick…I have the feeling this thing with your dad goes deeper than you want to admit.”

It did. It went so deep that it had left scars on his heart—scars that had begun in childhood and had not lost any potency over the years. He sighed. “I’m handling it, Danni,” he promised her.

“Just remember that your heavenly father appreciates everything that you are. He made you that way.” Her eyes sparkled. “And he made you to be my partner for this particular, very difficult dance for a good reason.”

“I agree.” Nick joined her in the floor then, stretching out his legs until she could prop her feet at his ankles. “I have to admit, we’ve made a pretty good team, Danni.” He hesitated. “I—we’ve joked about it before, but I know…that is, it’s…pretty obvious…that you’ve been waiting for Michael.”

She blinked.

He sighed. “I—the two of you had a pretty good thing going for a long time,” he said slowly. “And I don’t want to get in the middle of it—so if I am, tell me.”

“Nick—“ she began.

He held up a hand, stopping her. “It’s okay if you don’t want me, you know. I mean, I’ll understand. You and Michael have been together for years. He’s your best friend. And I’ll—I’ll stick around through the spring recital, if that’s what you want. Just—it would be nice to know where I stand.”

“Nick.” There was nothing but gentleness in Danni’s eyes as she leaned forward and took his hand—an impressive move for a normal person, but perfectly natural for a ballerina. “I would be delighted to be your dance partner for just as long as you’ll have me.”

“You mean it?” Warmth overflowed. He hadn’t even dreamed, before this moment, that it was possible for her to respond that way. He had hoped—but he hadn’t really believed it.

“I mean it.” She sighed. “Michael is a good friend, and he’s been a good partner for a long time—but when you and I dance together, I can tell that we’re meant to be something special.”

“I feel it, too,” Nick confessed. “I just wasn’t sure—I mean, sometimes—“

“Sometimes one person feels something intense, but the other person doesn’t even hear a whisper.” Danni smiled. “I hear it, Nick,” she said quietly. “And I know that we’re supposed to dance together for a long time. I can’t promise forever; but I can promise for now.”

“That’s all I’m asking for.”

They spent that morning together, as they had spent so many others together in the past couple of weeks; and that night, when they danced their pas de deux—correctly this time, with none of Danni’s changes—it was even more spectacular than ever before. God had brought them together for this time, for this purpose.

He had brought them together to dance for Him.