EPILOGUE: WHAT THE
STRANGE ALIEN DEVICE
ACTUALLY SAID TO CAPTAIN
JACK
Awwww, hello! This is brilliant.
‘I should have guessed it would be you.’
Well, it is. Get used to it. I have. Anything you want to ask me?
‘Can you change that voice?’
Well, I could, but nah. Not for you, Jack-Jack-Jacko.
‘He never called me that.’
Not to your face. Now. Anything?
‘Well, why? You were supposed to help people.’
Well, I tried. I guess I’m a meddler. I can’t help interfering, me. Making lives better. It’s what I do.
‘A lot of people died.’
Don’t they always when we’re around? You and me, eh? It’s like old times.
‘It wasn’t worth the price.’
Isn’t that what we always say to other people? We never say it to ourselves, do we?
‘Now you’re just messing with my head. I am pissed off, I am tired, and bits of me ache.’
Yeah, well, surprised they’ve not dropped off.
‘You messed it up. As you always do.’
Now we’re getting to the truth. You’ve still not forgiven me, have you?
‘Probably never will. Probably doesn’t matter. I do love you.’
I’m sure you do. So…
‘Yes. What are we going to do with you?’
Dunno. You’re the boss.
‘What do you want?’
…
‘I said, what do you want?’
You know, you are remarkable, Jack. No one has ever asked me what I wanted. Not in thousands of years. And it’s you. I’ll tell you – I’ve made everyone’s lives I’ve touched amazing. And I’ve never experienced ANY of it myself. I can’t get a good night’s sleep in a nice bed, eat a meal, lose weight, fall in love or get drunk. I have nothing. I just am. And I am bored and tired.
‘I know the feeling.’
See? We do have some common ground. Isn’t that something?
‘And?’
I would like a rest.
‘So would I, some day.’
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The Perfection would like to thank Steve and Gary for the grand plan. They would also like to thank Lee, Kate and Joe for advice, and Helen and Gillane for the castle. Finally, they would like to thank Brendan and Jon for the obvious.