“I didn’t think I could have a friend,” Sadie said. “I thought spending time with other children was a waste of time and it kept me away from reading. But I like your company very much. It makes me think in a more creative way.”
“I have no interest in any of my other friends,” Marie declared in response. “I was playing with Melody the other day. We had been such close friends since we were very little. But when we were together, I became so bored that I fell asleep. She was, of course, terribly offended, but what could I do? She didn’t say one thing that was funny or strange.”
“I really like going home and writing about our experiences together. I always find the way we spend our days as interesting as something in a book.”
Marie flung her arms around Sadie. She believed Sadie to be so wise that this type of affection was entirely beneath her. She was a cerebral little girl who lived in her head and not her heart. And yet this unobtainable girl had confessed that not only was her heart something that could be charmed but it was Marie who had charmed it.
Sadie knew she had stolen Marie’s heart completely and none of the other girls could compete. The other girls felt a shadow cross the whole neighborhood as Marie’s affection was withdrawn from them. Marie no longer invited them over for tea and cookies. She preferred to be alone with Sadie.
The girls were playing in the labyrinth in Marie’s garden one afternoon when they declared their love for each other. Every declaration of love is a magic incantation. It casts a spell on your future. They knelt in front of each other in the middle of the labyrinth. Marie had a wreath of white flowers on her head. Sadie had a wreath of red ones on hers.
“I declare my love for you for the rest of my life. Nothing will ever tear us apart. I will never love anyone as much as I love you.”
“My heart is hereby bequeathed to you. I will give you my heart.”
“We will exchange hearts. Your heart will be beating in my chest. And my heart will be beating in yours.”
“I am as much you as I am myself. When you are away from me, I will never feel whole. There will be an empty space in my chest. And I will be heartless.”
* * *
Sadie found her family’s obsequious behavior toward Marie’s family to be distasteful. She found it made them repugnant. When she came home from Marie’s house, they would ask her for a very detailed account of the time she had spent over there. There was no detail that was too mundane for them to hear. They didn’t want her to leave anything out. It was as though they did not trust her to know which were the important details. So they had her recount everything.
“We sat by the fountain today. We had some tea and cake brought out.”
“You were nice to her?”
“Of course.”
“Did you see her father?”
“Yes.”
“Did he speak to you?”
“No, he did not.”
Her parents showed more interest in these stories than in anything she did. She watched the desperate attention in their faces. They reminded her of animals. Dogs. It was as though she were holding treats in front of them.
Sadie didn’t want to share any information with her parents. She would feel complicit with their need to commodify her friendship. She did not want to feel that the moments she spent with Marie were part of a grand scheme for her parents’ advancement. They belonged to her alone. But naturally, Marie wanted to come to Sadie’s home one day.
There was a knock at the door. Sadie had been watching for Marie from her window ledge. She ran down to the door to invite her friend in.
They sat at the tea table the maid set for them. She told the maid to bring out her own tea set. She had inherited it from a great-uncle. It was an extremely questionable heirloom. All the handles had been broken off at some point and then glued back on. You could see the cracks in the porcelain. They were like the black veins on the arms of dead people. But Sadie liked the tea set because it was one of the few items in the world that was genuinely hers. She had an affection for its ugliness and brokenness. That’s the reason the tea set remained hers. Nobody else wanted it. She knew Marie would love it.
Mrs. Arnett came into the room. Sadie was confused. She was sure she had indicated quite clearly to her family she wanted to be alone with Marie. If she hadn’t said it explicitly, they should have certainly assumed it, since Sadie wanted to be alone without the presence of her family no matter what she did.
“Hello, Marie. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mrs. Arnett. I’m Sadie’s mother. I can’t tell you how thrilled the whole family is that you have taken an interest in Sadie. Her personality has simply bloomed. We see her smiling, and usually she’s such a dour little thing. I only hope she can learn to be more like you. I saw you at the elocution contest last year. Your bearing was so lovely. And your delivery was splendid. Are you competing again this year?”
“Yes, Mrs. Arnett. I look forward to the event every year. I very much enjoy seeing the entire neighborhood come out. And also listening to the poems other children have chosen too. I think theirs are just as good as mine. I’m always surprised when I win.”
“Your modesty is part of your charm, dear. Your father must be delighted to have such a perfect child. I can’t imagine how he must feel. He has raised you in an extraordinary manner. You inherited his looks and manners, but there is part of your charm that is yours and yours alone.”
Marie smiled magnificently, in the way she always did toward sycophants. Sadie clicked her tongue, making the sound of croquet balls striking against each other.
Why couldn’t her mother ever say such things about her? Why couldn’t she compliment one of Sadie’s poems in this manner? She must truly think she was awful. Sadie assumed her mother would treat any female child with contempt. But it was clear she would love to have Marie as a daughter.
It was a strange feeling, jealousy. When she saw the way her parents treated Marie, she was jealous. Once this feeling had been awoken in her, it was impossible to make it dormant again. She now became acutely aware that Marie drew everyone’s attention. When Marie walked down the street, people looked at her and couldn’t stop. They acted as though looking at her were a rare phenomenon they had to stop everything they were doing to observe.
Sadie had perfected the act of being invisible. But this was absurd.
Sadie looked at the silhouette of Marie on the bag of sugar. She was well aware that other girls all over the city gazed at this image with unreciprocated adoration. But she was the one who had stolen Marie’s heart. It filled her with a pride that was unfortunately tinged with a desire to squash her. She was aware of the status she had acquired in the eyes of other little girls by association. She thought she should have that status on her own.
* * *