Shortly after I moved in, I’d caught Ming in the bathroom sniffing a white powdery substance. I’d nearly had a heart attack thinking I’d moved in with a drug addict. Sweet little Ming is a cokehead? Well, it turned out to be baby powder. She’d sat me down and told me all about this strange addiction she’d had since she was a kid. She liked to sniff baby powder and sometimes eat it. She’d even been featured in a documentary about strange addictions. She’d played it for me on YouTube as I sat there flabbergasted.
Between my sleep talking and her obsession with baby powder, we made quite the team. We didn’t judge each other, though, and we appreciated our strange habits as things that made us unique. Aside from Chrissy and Marlene, whom I spoke to only occasionally now, I didn’t have too many close girlfriends, so I valued Ming’s friendship.
“You know I love you, right?” she said. “Like, more than Johnson & Johnson?”
That cracked me up. “Yes, oddly, I do know that, even though we haven’t known each other very long.”
“Well, as your friend who loves you, I’m going to ask you a serious question.”
“Okay.”
“Are you happy here in Burlington?”
I took some time to think before I answered. “It feels really liberating to be away from home, without any responsibilities except taking care of myself, but it’s also lonely. I even miss my dog, and I don’t mean that as an insult to you, because you’re the best thing about this place. But I can’t shake how much I miss Noah.”
“You try not to show him you miss him. I notice that when I’m eavesdropping on your calls.”
I rolled my eyes. “I try to sound upbeat, yeah. He believes this time away from home is important, something I need to experience. I think that’s because his college life was a lot different than mine. I’m pretty sure Noah was a party animal back then, likely had girls throwing themselves at him. He thinks there’s all this stuff I need to get out of my system, when in reality, I don’t do much more than go to school, work, and come home.”
Ming pointed to her fuzzy slipper. “I don’t know…it’s pretty wild up in here.”
“It’s so not.” I chuckled. “I’m older than most of these freshmen, you know? The party ship has sailed. I feel like I’m focusing on my studies to avoid how much I miss him.” Shaking my head, I looked down into my teacup. “The funny thing is…guys here have been hitting on me, especially at the restaurant. So I can see what my options would be if I wasn’t so infatuated with Noah. And you know what? I’m not missing much.”
“Can you pass those guys over to me, then?” She winked.
“Gladly. You should hang out there more often.”
“Seriously, though, not that I want to lose you—because I really don’t—but why not transfer after this semester?”
“I want to stick it out so Noah doesn’t think I’m doing anything hastily. He told me to give it a year from the time we separated, and that works out to two semesters, since I can’t just leave in the middle. So, it’s really longer than a year.”
“Are you supposed to see him at all this summer?”
“I feel like I’m going to burst if I don’t.” I sighed. “You know how some people call their parents when they’re lonely at school? I don’t think to call my mom or dad. I mean, I call my mother to check on her. And my relationship with my dad is not very good anymore. So, when I need to hear a familiar voice, when I need support for me, I call Noah. He’s my only real comfort and my home. That’s pretty scary to realize sometimes.”
***
Noah finally got back to me an hour after our usual time.
“I’m sorry you had a bad day,” he said.
“I wasn’t sure if I’d hear from you tonight.”
“My shoot ran super late.”
“I figured it was something like that.” Lying back on the bed, finally able to relax somewhat, I asked, “What was the shoot for?”
“It was a modeling portfolio.”
“Anyone hot?” I asked.
“You’d like him.”
Irrationally, I was relieved to hear he hadn’t been working late with some beautiful woman.
“Talk to me, Heather. Everything okay? You still sound down.”
“I’m okay…just an overall crappy day. I talked it out with Ming, though, over dinner. I’m feeling a lot better now.”
“I’m glad you have her. She seems really nice. Remind me to send her some baby powder to thank her for looking out for you.”
Laughing, I lowered my voice. “She doesn’t know I told you about that.”
He changed the subject. “So, tell me what happened today.”
“I don’t want to burden you if you had a long day, too.”
“You’re never a burden to me. You know that. Tell me what happened.”
“I flubbed up on one of my tests and had a crappy day at work. That’s all. It’s no big deal.”
Thinking back to my conversation with Ming, I wondered if I was doing the wrong thing in always trying to make things seem better than they were.
“Can I confess something?” I asked.
“Yeah, of course.”
“Sometimes I don’t want you to know I’m struggling, so I downplay things. I want to make you proud and do this semester justice, give it my all. But it’s hard. If it weren’t for Ming, I’m not sure I would want to be here at all.”
“What did I tell you about holding things in? You should never feel like you can’t tell me you’re unhappy.” He let out a breath. “I am so proud of you—even if you’re struggling. Struggle means you’re persevering even if it’s tough. That’s a sign of strength.”
“Thanks for always lifting me up.”
After a bit of silence, he said, “So, there’s something I need to tell you.”
My heart started to pound. “What?”
“I’m gonna be a grandfather.”
“What are you talking about?” I nearly shrieked.
“Remember you said your friend at the pet store told you Clyde was neutered?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, she lied. Bonnie’s pregnant.”
“Oh my God. What? How did you figure it out?”
“She was getting really fat, eating all of Clyde’s food. I took her to the vet, and he confirmed it.”
“Have you ever seen them have sex?”
“No. Sneaky fuckers must do it when I’m not home.”
I laughed so hard I almost dropped the phone.
“You think it’s funny, huh? What the hell am I gonna do with more guinea pigs?”
“You’re considering keeping the babies?”
“I can’t separate Bonnie and Clyde from their damn kids! I don’t want that on my fucking conscience. It’s gonna be a zoo up in here.”
My amusement over this knew no bounds. I had to wipe my eyes.
“You’re a good man, Noah. And to think I thought you were a hardass when I met you.”
“Now I’m a pussy. Look what’s happened to me.”
“You old softie.”
“Seriously, it’s a good thing I’m taken, because imagine meeting a thirty-five-year-old dude and finding out he’s breeding guinea pigs. I mean…would you trust that guy? I sure as hell wouldn’t.”
He was taken. While his actions had given me every impression that he was committed, he’d never said anything like that before. It was exactly the reassurance I needed tonight.
“You’re taken, huh?”
Noah paused. “Yeah. I really am.”
I shut my eyes. “Well, she’s a very lucky girl, whoever she is.”
“Nah, I’m the lucky one.”
“What’s she like?”
“She’s really pretty—blond, blue eyes, killer body. But what drew me to her was her personality, how self-deprecating she is, honest, funny. And she’s not afraid to ask for what she wants. That’s a big turn-on.”
“Like…she threw herself at you kind of thing?”
“At times. But I sort of needed it.” He sighed. “Yeah, she’s pretty amazing. Horrible taste in music, though. I can overlook that because she likes old men.”
My cheeks hurt from smiling. “I have to say, whatever I was bummed out about today just went out the window. In fact, I don’t remember much before this conversation.”
“Well, I’m glad I could help you forget your worries. I wish I could do that in other ways right now.”
“Me, too.” I blew out a breath and closed my eyes again, imagining the weight of his body over me. “You know, when I was talking to Ming tonight, it occurred to me that while other people call their parents when they’re homesick, I call you. I feel like home is wherever you are.”
“Well, I have a confession to make,” he said.
“Okay…”
“This isn’t as easy for me as I might make it seem, either. I never want you to worry about me while you’re trying to focus on school. So I downplay how much I miss you, too.”