“I don’t regret what we did and wouldn’t change it, but I feel so much more attached to you. Given everything that’s going to happen, I can’t afford to make that worse. I’ll never be able to let you go.”
Noah stared down into his stew a moment. “For the record, I don’t regret it, either.”
I grinned. “Maybe we should go back to just hanging out on the porch.”
That made him laugh. “Sadly, I don’t think you’re kidding.”
“No, I’m not.”
“We can do that. Whatever will make it easier.”
I exhaled. “Is this what it’s like to be an adult? Making mature decisions, even if they don’t feel right?”
“Bonus points if it feels like your heart is being ripped out, yeah.”
It pained me to ask, “Have you decided when you’re leaving?”
“No. I don’t have a set date, aside from the thirty-first being the last day I’m paid for.”
“Would you consider staying a little bit beyond that?”
“I’ll stay as long as you need me.”
“Thank you. That’s a huge relief. I have so much to do. It’s overwhelming.”
“Take a deep breath. We’ll get it done.” His eyes lingered on the marks he’d left on my neck. “Fuck. It hasn’t even been a full day, and this is already hard.”
Need burned within me just from the way he looked at me. Maybe this would get easier as the days went on, but right now I just wanted to leap into his arms.
I totally chickened out when that feeling got to be too strong. Pushing my chair out, I said, “Thank you for the stew. I’m gonna head back to the house and start putting some stuff aside for the yard sale. I was thinking of having one next weekend.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for some pie? We never touched it last night.”
“No. That’s okay. You enjoy it. You can tell me how it came out.”
“Okay.” He stood. “Let me know if you need help with anything.”
“I will. My aunt Katy is coming next weekend. I was going to ask you if you’d come with us to see some properties. I’d love your input.”
“Anything you need,” he said as he walked me to the door.
But what I needed, I couldn’t have.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
* * *
NOAH
The next Sunday afternoon, Heather’s aunt Katy had come up from Boston, and we’d made appointments to see five different houses in nearby towns that were close, but not exactly on the lake. Alice had opted to stay home. Too overwhelmed by the idea of moving, she’d decided to let Heather and Katy make the decision.
Debbie, the realtor, opened the door to the last property of the day: a modest but newly renovated one-level home.
Her heels echoed on the hardwood floor. “They’re asking two-seventy-five. It’s priced to sell. I think we can get them down a tad because the owners are eager to be done with it. They’re already down in Florida. The good thing about this one is it was recently updated, so it’s pretty move-in ready.”
We were exhausted. The day before we’d held a massive yard sale outside the main house, which Heather had spent the entire week preparing for. We’d sold about half the stuff. I’d packed my truck with the rest and took it to a donation facility. It would probably take more than a month to empty out the main house completely, so it was a good thing they had until mid-September to vacate.
Heather wanted to go out to Vermont early, find an apartment and job, and get settled before the spring semester started. Once Alice was in her new place, Heather would be able to leave anytime to get a head start out there.
I knew this whole process was difficult on her, from parting with sentimental belongings to the stress of packing. But it had to be done. Since Alice was virtually useless a lot of the time—aside from slowly packing up some small things—the responsibility of this transition, as usual, fell on Heather’s shoulders. She was a trooper, spending every waking moment that she wasn’t at work doing something to prepare for the move.
The realtor led us to a back room that had been added onto the house. “Katy, I think this space would be perfect for your art room. The windows let a lot of sun in.”
Katy brushed her fingers along the wall. “It’s a little small, but it might work.”
Heather had been giving her aunt first choice on a place. I think she was just so grateful Katy had agreed to look after her mother. She wanted Katy to be as happy and comfortable as possible here. It was a pretty damn good deal for Katy, since she wouldn’t even be paying rent, although I supposed having to keep an eye on Alice would make up for that.
While Katy and Debbie ventured out to the backyard, Heather and I found ourselves heading to the other side of the house. We ended up in the master bedroom, which was pretty small.
“How are you holding up?” I asked.
“I’m tired.”
I wanted so badly to hold her.
“I know. But at least it’s been a productive weekend.”
“Yeah. I just want her to pick from these choices so we can be done with it. The sooner we can start moving stuff in, the better.”
I’d hoped my feelings for Heather would wane since our vow of celibacy. We’d been careful not to put ourselves in a position where we could end up losing control. But all the time we’d spent working this past week was only a reminder of how good we were together, how happy I was by her side. Nothing was getting any easier. Not to mention, holding myself back from touching her was slowly killing me.
She went to look out the window. The sunlight shone on her hair, bringing out the platinum highlights. I wished I had my camera to capture it.
I knew she was still mixed up about a lot of things, including where we stood. I gave in and placed my hands on her shoulders, resting my chin on the back of her head. I immediately felt her breathing change.
“Don’t let go,” she whispered.
Squeezing her shoulders, I kissed her head and spoke into her hair. “This is not easy.”
She turned around to face me, and I almost leaned in to kiss her.
Our moment was interrupted when we heard Katy and Debbie’s footsteps. We pushed back from each other, my heart going a mile a minute.
“I see you’ve found the master,” Debbie said as she entered the room.
“Yeah. It’s really cute,” Heather answered, although I could tell her mind was elsewhere.
Katy looked between us suspiciously.
“I think this one has a lot of potential. It’s my favorite by far,” Katy said.
Debbie’s face lit up. “Enough of a favorite to make an offer?”
“Well, that’s up to my beautiful niece, but yes, I think this may be the one.”
Heather looked around the room. “I think we should do it.”
Debbie clapped her hands together. “Fantastic! Let’s go pick up your mother and head back to my office to draw something up.”
***
Later that evening, we returned to Heather’s house to await the seller’s decision on the offer, which was three thousand under the asking price. Heather was prepared to go up if they turned it down, though.
Katy and Alice left us alone downstairs.
Heather’s eyes widened when she finally spotted the empty shelf in her living room. “Where are my Hummels?”
This morning, when she was out running some errands with her aunt, I’d come to the house to do some packing. She hadn’t been back here since.
“You mentioned that the idea of moving the Hummels was stressing you out. So I snuck in here earlier and wrapped them—each one has tons of bubble wrap. They’re safely in that box in the corner.”
She walked over and knelt down to inspect them. “That was incredibly thoughtful of you.”
“I figured it was one less thing you’d have to worry about.”
“It really is. That project was daunting.” Heather stood up and came over to me, her eyes filled with emotion. “I wouldn’t have gotten through any of this without you.”
I reached out to touch her cheek. “Happy to help.”
She briefly closed her eyes. “Will you stay and have dinner? Maybe we can watch a movie? I just want to unwind tonight, eat some bad food and have a drink.”
We both knew it was dangerous to be completely alone, so I’d been spending more time here; Alice’s presence ensured we wouldn’t slip.