My bare feet are cold. I didn’t realize how cold it would be away from the cave with the wind whipping around off the lake. I probably did know, but I forgot. I seem to forget a lot of things lately, like the name-sound Kay and Gar gave their latest child. I just can’t seem to commit it to memory.
Beh’s coughing makes me forget about my feet as I pull her closer to my chest, holding her as steadily as my old arms still can. She weighs almost nothing, which is good for my arms but also the reason I carry her. She is too weak to walk by herself.
Lee knew we wouldn’t be returning—I could see it in his eyes.
Holding Beh up a little higher on one side quiets her cough, at least for now. It never quiets completely, and it has grown steadily worse as winter approaches. Her arm around my neck barely grips at my skin, a testament to her weakness. She has hardly eaten and has only taken a few drinks of water in the past day. All the plants she has used to help me or someone else in the tribe feel better have made no difference.
“Hoh!” I stumble on a tree branch lying across the trail and have to catch my balance to keep from dropping Beh. She giggles—the sound reminding me of the beautiful young girl I found so long ago—as she touches the side of my mouth with her finger.
The laughter brings back the coughing, and I hold her close as I pick up the pace. I don’t want to arrive too late. I want to be in our cave when the time comes.
I don’t know why, but I feel it is important to be there. It is where we learned about each other—where we truly became mates. It is where I put Lah and Lee inside of her and where they were both born. It is the place Beh always wants to return to at least once every summer, just to look around and go through the strange things inside the black container.
Maybe she thinks of Dad when she does that.
I stumble once more as I climb the slight ledge from the ravine to the mouth of our cave. I’m glad there is still daylight outside as I take a quick peek to make sure no animals have taken up residence since we were last here.
The cave is empty.
I turn sideways to carry Beh inside, but I can’t get the angle right for us both to fit through the narrow opening at the same time. I have to place her down on her feet and hold her up from behind as we both make our way through the crack. There are many older furs lying in the back of the cave where we used to sleep, and I lay Beh on top of them while I use her little shiny round thing to quickly make a fire.
My back aches as I straighten up, tossing a few more pieces of wood at the blaze as I rub at my spine. I hear Beh calling out my name-sound and quickly move to her side, my own pains forgotten. I lie down beside her and pull one of the furs up around us. I cradle her frail body in my arms, holding her up a little as another coughing spell takes her breath from her.
Once it has subsided, I lay her back down and curl up alongside her. She shivers, and I pull another fur over us. It seems hard for her to stay warm these days even though it’s not too cold yet. I shift as close to her as I can, letting my body heat soak into her. I hold her as the sun goes down, and the warmth of the fire fills the small cave.
I think of the first day I saw her, sitting at the bottom of my hunting pit. I remember how obstinate she was at first, though when I think back on it now, I realize she was only confused and frightened. I remember when she first untangled my hair for me and the little wooden carving I had made to help with the task.
I made another and gave it to Lah when she mated with Ty. Kay also received one when she mated with Gar. Many of the other men began to carve similar gifts for their own mates and daughters.
I remember the first time I was inside of Beh, touching the soft skin of her back as waves of pleasure moved over me. I remember when I placed my hand on her belly and felt Lah kick. I remember when Kay was born and how Lee helped me cut the cord and place his new sister on his mother’s stomach.
I remember it all.
Beh’s hand trembles as she reaches up and touches my jaw. Her fingers are soft and cool, and I lean into her touch as she strokes my skin.
“Beh…loves…Ehd,” she whispers, and her eyes sparkle at me just like they did the first time I tried to put a baby inside of her. It seems so long ago, but also so recent, as if time isn’t really relevant to the feelings inside of us both.
But time still moves, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
“Luffs Beh,” my mouth utters, and I am rewarded with her quiet smile and the touch of her thin fingers on my cheek. “Ehd luffs Beh.”
For a long time, I just look at her eyes. They are different with her age but still the same. They still hold me captive, wanting to spend every moment of every day looking into them. She looks into mine as well, and a small smile stays on her lips. Her fingers touch my mouth, and her throat bobs as she swallows and takes another labored breath.
“Khizz?” I reach up and push her silver hair away from her forehead.