My father let go of my hand. He walked slowly to edge of the hole. His strong fingers absently crushed the delicate, yellow flower his hand. His body shook from the tears running down his cheeks. I felt a presence at my side and looked over to see Jess. He reached out and slipped his fingers into mine. Feeling his hand squeeze tight, a warmth spread through the coldness in my chest.
“And from the great story that began in Genesis, Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return.” The Revered took a small handful of fresh soil and it trickled through his fingers down into the hole that held the casket. “Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Amen.”
My father released the crushed petals of the rose. I watched the yellow pieces float in the air and then disappear down into the darkness to their final resting place. My father turned and walked back to where I stood with Jess. His face wore a sadness I’d never seen in all our struggles. Mrs. Mason reached out with a handful of tissues. He blotted his eyes and sniffled into the white paper.
“Come on, let’s go home.” My father placed an arm around my shoulders and Jess gave my hand one last squeeze. With dry eyes, I walked out of the cemetery wearing one of my fancy new dresses and shiny leather shoes, courtesy of the Masons.
The Tanners were not alone the night of the funeral. The Masons and few others in the community came by to bring food and offer their condolences. A man named Mr. Buckley discussed a job opportunity for my father at the hardware store in Arlis. This Mr. Buckley wanted to retire. If all was well the next few months, my father would be the overseeing manager of Buckley’s Hardware on the Main Street Square in Arlis.
The adults’ voices trickled out into dark while I sat with my arms draped over the railing of the front porch. My eyes watched the clear sky. Jess sat a foot away with his legs dangling over the ledge, bumping the side of the wooden porch.
The night sounds of the meadow felt good compared to the sadness that filled the inside of our new house. My mind retraced the moments of the last twenty-four hours. I’d lost my mother today. Yet, the sadness didn’t come as it should from such an event. I think something might actually be broken inside of me.
“So it looks like you’re stayin’ here,” Jess said, interrupting the silence of my broken thoughts.
“Yeah…you mind?”
“Nope, I think it’s gonna be fun havin’ someone else ‘round here,” his eyebrows furrowed together as he laughed in a way that meant only one thing.
“Hey, you can’t get me in trouble anymore,” I bumped him with my shoulder. A smile formed on the corner of my lips just thinking of being here with him.
“Nah…no trouble,” he laughed quietly. “We just can’t get caught. By the way, the hardware store is haunted.”
“What?”
“It is. I promise. I heard it from Gunther talkin’ at the feed store when I was there with Uncle Frank. You’ll be fine. Just don’t be there at night. Might see an ax go flyin’ through the air.”
“That’s not true.”
“I guess you can stay there one night and find out.” He gave me a wink. I rolled my eyes and then a faint glow caught my attention.
“What was that?” I craned my neck, peering out in the darkness.
“A shootin’ star. You ain’t never see one before?”
“No. Like one of those just fell from the sky?”
“Sort of. You have to make a wish now,” he grinned back at me.
I focused off in the distance, trying to conjure up something that would make me feel better.
“Now tell me what it is,” his syrupy voice pleaded.
“I don’t think wishes work that way.”
“Oh, come on. Please….Alex.”
“Tell me yours first.”
“I didn’t make a wish.”
“You did too. I saw your eyes closed. Must have been a big wish.”
I startled him. Jess blinked back at me for a moment with a rare loss of words, “I…um, can’t tell ya.”
“Will you tell me if it comes true?”
“Yeah, I promise,” he grinned. “There’s pictures up there, you know. I’ll teach you to find ‘em.”
“Pictures?”
“Yeah. Like that one’s the Big Dipper,” he said pointing above us. “It’s a big ice cream scoop.”
I looked across the Texas sky, listening to Jess tell me about his pictures. In all my nights in Dallas, I’d never seen so many sparkling dots winking back at me. It was beautiful and mysterious, a never ending blanket wrapping the world up tight and cozy for the night.
“Hey Jess, why don’t you have other people over to the ranch?” I asked casually. I’d pondered the thought for some time.
“You really wanna know?”
“Yeah.”
“Most people want to be around us because they think we’re rich,” Jess answered with a flat tone.
“You are rich.”
“I know. It’s just not always fun havin’ everyone tryin’ to be your friend because of it.” Jess looked serious with the thought. “You don’t know what it’s like bein’ here in Arlis. But you’re goin’ to find out real soon.”
“I’m sure you know about us. Your parents have paid for everything for my dad and me.” I didn’t intend the sneer in my tone, yet that’s what happened when I finally said those words out loud. It was a truth that haunted me for weeks.
“I know.” He looked right at me with his blue eyes. “Actually, I knew that first day we met. My family pays for the hospice ward too. That’s why ya’ll moved to Arlis. Because of us.”
He caught me off-guard. I remembered my father’s revelation of being accepted into the hospice ward in Arlis. The life-saving moment, according to him. I didn’t realize it was also funded by the Masons. In reality, I should have put that piece of the puzzle together before tonight. My stomach tightened up, and I looked back at Jess with wide eyes, hatred burning on my lips. I despised their stupid charity.
“And that’s why, Alex. I know you’re different than the others. I knew it from the first day in the hallway. You hate the fact my family’s rich,” he smiled back smugly.
Chapter 10
Today, 9:37 p.m.
It takes everything in my body to fight to the surface. Every time I try, the warmth of invisibility pulls me back down into the comfort of the past. It feels good there; deep in the meadow sunshine, seeing his blue eyes. Letting go, I finally emerge in the cold chambers of the hospital. I watch the beauty queen pour a glass of water. She carries it with a tight grip over to the side of the bed.
“Drink this.”
The restraints hold my wrist in their tight jaws. She pushes the straw up to my lips while I take a sip. The liquid tastes cool as it rinses the grit off my teeth. Pushing the hair back from my forehead, she looks at the cut.
“You need stitches in that. If you want, I can take care of it.”
My eyes grow wide at the mere thought of her offer. When I fail to respond, she pulls up a chair next to the bed. Faint black smears rest just below her perfect, blue eyes. I follow the outline of her face down to her blue scrubs. She has a pin close to the top with tiny kittens playing with tiny balls of yarn.
“Are…” The sound crackles in my throat. “Are you working today?”
“I was this mornin’.”
“And now?” I squint in her direction feeling the painful glow of the florescent lights.
“Well, I was leavin’ when I found you in the hall. So I stayed. Thought you needed some company.”
Blinking back at her odd statement, I lift my hand up to rub the tension behind my eyes. The restraints keep my fingers in place. An IV snakes out from the tape in the center of my left hand.
“I want them off,” I beg to her.
“Try to be still,” she smiles, though something resembling sadness lingers in the hollow depths of her lips. “I’ll turn off the lights.”
The room slips into darkness except the faint glow of the moon. It was daylight when I came to the hospital. The warm summer day had become night. The world kept turning even when I wanted it to stop.
I hurt. I hurt so deep inside. Two tears roll over my cheeks, soaking into the fabric of the pillow. With my hands in the cuffs, I can’t even wipe them away. I feel the soft fabric of a tissue dab at the corners. The blonde face stares down at me, the dark smudges appearing more prominent under each of her lashes. In that moment, I knew the beauty queen was crying too.