‘You know it!’ said Lorna, the lump in her throat making it difficult to get the words out. Of course he knew it. Of course he knew poetry. Because the perfect man had walked straight into her world, shaken it up, ruined it, she felt sure, for anyone else she could ever possibly meet, especially on the quiet island.
And she had barely ever touched him, couldn’t even look him in the face, had to live side by side with him, in each other’s pockets – she had to look after his children – all the while knowing that they could never be together.
‘Of course,’ said Saif with what sounded to Lorna like kindness in his voice, although it was not.
It was the deepest of sadness, and an ocean of regret.
She wanted to take his hand, hold him, just once. But when she moved a little closer, he flinched, and she backed away, horrified, her hands at her mouth.
‘I need to go,’ she said, her voice sounding strange to her own ears.
‘Lorenah,’ he said, but she had already turned away and it was too late and he could not say to her that he had flinched because he knew the second she put her cool hands on his skin he would not be able to resist, for all his brave words, for all his love and devotion for Amena, for all that he wanted to think of himself as a good man; he would throw all of that away without a second thought; he would have grabbed her and held her and taken her home and never let her go.
Saif had been through many hardships in his life. But to watch for the second time, after first leaving his family, to watch the chance of happiness slip through his fingers, seeing somebody he loved walk away from him once again, was unbearable.
It was as raw as the bitterest of aloes, the deepest of cuts, as her footprints made a larger and larger arc away from him in the sand.
Chapter Seventy-two
And the young knight climbed and climbed and slashed through many roses that grew up the tower of ice, and broke down the walls and fought his way inside through many hardships and much pain. And he saw the beautiful prince there. And he tried to slay the dragon that circled the tower, flapping its green decayed wings, the flesh tearing off its bones; but each time he thought the dragon must be speared, the dragon screeched once again, through its jaws that smelled of death; and escaped and circled the tower once more until the knight was exhausted.
And the prince said, ‘You too cannot succeed; none can; you have failed and now you must also leave me.’
And the knight said, ‘Sire. May we not fail together?’
And as the dragon screeched and roared around the castle, he crept in the slit of the window of the tower of ice from which there is no escaping, and he knelt down by the bed.
‘Your mum told you some weird stories,’ said Colton.
‘Wherever you are I will stay with you.’
And the prince said, ‘But there is no way out.’
Colton sleepily raised his head. ‘What happens next?’
‘I forget,’ said Fintan, leaning his dark head against Colton’s grey one. He entwined his fingers with Colton’s. ‘I don’t think it matters. Not any more.’
‘I have something to tell you,’ said Joel as Flora burst into the house, happy after the most successful day’s takings the Seaside Kitchen had ever had. And there was a huge crowd of visitors from London, and they’d all made a point of remarking on how reasonable everything was, which had vindicated her decision even more. Locals made a point of brandishing their loyalty cards so vehemently that tourists, who had fallen in love with the island and Flora’s food, had started asking for one too. Of course she couldn’t bear to refuse, and she’d issued a couple here and there, so the problem was going to raise its thorny head again at some point, but she didn’t want to think about that right now.
‘Really?’
‘Yes,’ Joel frowned. ‘I can’t believe I’m making a habit of this.’
‘I can’t believe you made Mark go home.’
‘I know,’ said Joel. ‘I felt guilty about Marsha. I think he’d have stayed here for ever.’
‘They’ll be back,’ said Flora smugly. ‘So, did the doc say you’re cured?’
‘Ha!’ said Joel. ‘Psychiatrists never say that.’
In fact, the bear hug Mark had offered and Joel had accepted at the airport had told him way more than that.
‘Well, what is it then?’
‘Ah, come down the Endless with me. Grab Bramble.’
‘He’ll be snoozing.’
‘That’s because he’s far too fat for a dog.’
‘Stop calling my dog fat, you … doggist. Fattist. Whatever.’
‘I’m not the one overfeeding your dog.’
They picked up the lazy creature, who was snoozing at Eck’s feet as usual, and headed down to the beach. Ahead, Joel spied the most ridiculous contraption: a full Bedouin tent. Nobody could remember whose idea it was, but it meant Colton could come and sit out without getting too uncomfortable or chilled, as well as proving quite the draw to people. Rare was the evening, with a fire lit on the sand, that they didn’t gather round, to chat, or chew the fat, or sit with Fintan if Colton was sleeping. When Colton was awake, Fintan did the best he could to smile and look happy and chat.
When he was asleep, Fintan felt like he was teetering on the edge of a very high cliff, and it was taking an island to help him hold on.
There was a sizeable crowd tonight, and Joel paused in a quieter section of the beach. Flora looked at him curiously.
‘You have to understand,’ he said in his quiet, understated way, ‘I have never said these words. To anyone. Ever. Out loud. Okay. You have to realise that it might not mean very much to you, but it is very difficult for me.’
Flora looked at him curiously but knew better than to say anything. Joel swallowed nervously. He opened his mouth. Started. Failed. Tried again.
‘Ach,’ he said.
Bramble came bouncing up, holding a ridiculously long stick. Joel looked at it, then took it off him (as a very benign creature, Bramble didn’t mind at all).
‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Give me a minute.’
And he took the stick, and gently traced
in the sand.
‘Will that do?’ he said, glancing up at Flora.
She looked back at him, heart bursting, grinning from ear to ear, and she saw that small, shy smile – the one only she ever saw, and even then not very often.
‘Absolutely not,’ said Flora. ‘That “o” looks like an “a” to start with. And everyone knows it doesn’t count if you don’t say it. And …’
She realised he didn’t know she was teasing. So she did the best thing she knew how, and kissed him.
‘I love you,’ she said.
He covered his face with his hands and looked embarrassed.
‘Say it!’ said Flora.
‘Don’t make me!’
‘Okay, well, just start with … just say the “I”.’
‘“I”, I can say.’
‘Okay, and now try the “you” part.’
‘“You”.’
‘See, you’re already 66.666 per cent there …’
And they made their way together down the Endless Beach hand in hand.
‘How about you say, “I love strawberries” then just put “you” in at the end instead?’ tried Flora.
‘I’m not … I mean, I don’t really care much about strawberries either way …’
‘Okay, well pick something you really love.’
‘Avocados. I love avocados.’
‘You can say, “I love avocados” and you can’t say you love me? What’s wrong with you, man?’
‘Also, why can’t you get avocados on this island? This is a real problem with this island …’
‘I’m glad our lack of avocados is the worst thing about living here.’
‘It truly is,’ said Joel. ‘How about I write it every day?’
‘Every day?’
‘Every day. Tide comes in, washes it away, tide goes out, I write it.’
‘That’s twice a day, you div.’
‘Twice a day then.’
‘I like that,’ said Flora. ‘Sounds committed. Low tide gets pretty late in the winter …’
‘Well, I’m a very committed person now, apparently.’
‘Apparently you are,’ said Flora, biting her lip and smiling.
And they wandered on, hand in hand, Bramble’s huge tail wagging lazily behind them, up towards the rest of their family at the top of the Endless Beach.