Chapter 9
~ Hayley ~
I sit next to Ari’s hospital bed and watch her sleep. I am way past the point of exhaustion, barely having slept at all over the last week. To say this has been a nightmarish ordeal is putting it mildly and making light of a rather traumatizing experience for both Ari and me. It has been the longest week of my life and I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve cried out of pure frustration. There is nothing worse than feeling helpless, watching them wheel your baby girl into surgery knowing that all you can do is wait. The waiting didn’t last that long but when a nurse came out about half way through Ari’s surgery I had my first breakdown as a result of sheer panic. I was sure something had gone wrong, and while I wasn’t sure if it was possible for a child to die during a procedure as common as an appendectomy, it didn’t stop my mind from going there. The nurse informed us the surgery would take a little longer because Ari’s appendix had burst but they managed to stop any infection in her stomach and that so far the surgery was going well. I felt a war of emotions coursing through my body. It was a battle between panic, because she’s so small and so young to have to go through this, and relief, because she was doing okay under the circumstances.
When they finally brought her out and settled her into a room, I cried again. Seeing her with I.V drips and giant plasters on her tiny stomach was my undoing, and then hearing her scream when they needed to clean her wound had me fighting the urge to knock more than one of the nurses out. They had to do their jobs, but last time I checked that didn’t include hurting my baby.
The door opens slowly, filling the small room with light. My grandmother walks in, smiling at me with sympathy and understanding.
“Sweetheart, have you slept all today?” she asks me, her voice gentle yet laced with concern.
I shake my head, “No.”
“Have you eaten?”
I shake my head again, “I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat Hayley,” she admonishes. Her hands rest on her hips and I know we’re about to argue. Stubbornness runs in the family. “How are you going to take care of Arianna when it’s time to go home tomorrow if you’re exhausted and starved?”
I shrug, “I’ll be fine.”
My grandmother frowns at me. “No, I am not allowing this any longer Hayley. I understand how hard this week has been, trust me sweetheart I do, but Arianna needs her momma strong and healthy. She’s going to need you to take care of her and you can’t do that unless you’re taking care of yourself. Now, I’ve packed some clean clothes and you’re going to take a shower.”
“But - “
“But nothing,” my grandmother interrupts. “I’ll stay with Arianna while you get cleaned up and that’s the last I want to hear about it. Understood?”
Sighing, I stand up and reply, “Yes ma’am.”
My grandmother snickers behind me as I walk into the tiny en suite bathroom, mumbling “Crazy old lady,” when I think she’s out of earshot.
“I heard that!” she whisper-yells. I close the door and roll my eyes. My grandmother drives me crazy, but I love that woman more than I’d ever be able to put into words. Without her, I would not have made it through this week in one piece and not once did she tell me I was overreacting. She simply said it was ok for me to be scared and that most mothers’ ‘freaked out’ at least once with their first-born. At this rate, I have no intention of ever having another baby. Ari is enough.
I turn on the hot water and step into the bath/shower combo. The water hits my shoulders and for a few seconds I feel myself relax. I allow my mind to drift, away from the hospital, to a place where it’s quiet and peaceful. It doesn’t last long when unsolicited thoughts about Cameron and our date surface behind my closed eyelids. I’ve managed to keep my thoughts about him to an absolute minimum, putting all my focus and attention on Ari. But now and then they’d show up and I’d be in that kitchen on our first date all over again. Of course, the sting of his rejection and harsh words would follow soon after and the anger comes along with it. I chastise myself. How can I be mad when I expected him to react that way? Or maybe it was his words that left me feeling angry. I wouldn’t have wasted my time…
For some stupid reason, I have been holding out hope that he’d call, to at least find out if I’m okay, but I guess our friendship also meant nothing. Or it was just a pretense, to get into my pants. Should’ve seen that coming I think to myself. Boys like that don’t do relationships, unless they’re of the entirely sexual kind. If I had met Cameron two years ago, I would probably play that game better than he does. But I’m not that girl anymore; I haven’t been for a long time. I hate admitting that it’s possibly better off this way but in hindsight I knew it was coming, and as fake as our friendship might’ve been, I wish there was still a way to have Cameron in my life. If friendship was all that we could’ve had, I would’ve taken it, gladly. But I suspect that’s gone now too.
I wash my hair, grateful that my grandmother remembered my shampoo, and start to feel a bit more like myself. I dry off quickly and throw on some clean skinny jeans, which are looser than they were before, with a white tank top. I pile my wet hair on top of my head, securing it with a headband. I stop short when I hear murmuring and I soft giggle coming from the other side of the door.
Stepping out, I see that both Hannah and Taylor, with Macy in tow, have stopped by to see Ari. They have visited every night this week. Hannah looks over at me and gives me a sad smile. I’m somewhat thankful that she knows about Ari, even though telling her proved to be harder than I anticipated. Not that I had much choice though. After I stopped answering her calls, she started showing up at my grandmothers’ house and after three days my grandmother finally caved and told her where to find me. She was surprised, and when I told her everything, I waited for her judgment and condemnation to surface. But it never came. Instead, she showed me what it means to have at rue friend, someone who will stick with you through the good, the bad and the scandalous. She also asked about my date with Cameron and after I filled her in, it took everything in me to convince her to leave it alone, rather than strangle Cameron the way she wanted to. But I couldn’t blame her. This was something she just couldn’t understand unless she was in my shoes.
I walk over to the bed and Ari’s eyes light up when she see’s me. My chest constricts and it feels like days since I last saw her, when in actual fact I haven’t left her bedside all week. I see a giant pink teddy bear sitting on the floor, with a giant gift basket of goodies, all for Ari. I look at Hannah and she shrugs, saying, “I couldn’t visit without bringing something for the patient. That’s rude.”
I chuckle. “Thank you, Han, but you’ve already done so much for me this week.”
It’s true. Hannah has been helping me stay up-to-date with all my classwork and assignments and spoke to all my professors about rescheduling a few tests.
“Oh please,” Hannah brushes me off. “That’s why you have me.”
“And me!” Taylor pipes up.
Macy yells, “And me!” and that has all of us giggling.
I slide past them and take a seat next to Ari on the bed, careful not to move around too much, and gently wrap my arms around her.
The door opens and I watch as Dr. Gates, Ari’s pediatric surgeon walks in.
“Good morning ladies,” he greets politely.
He stands at the end of Ari’s bed, making notes on his clipboard, and then smiles down at her. He’s a lot younger than I expected and far better looking than any other doctor I have ever seen, with his thick black hair, olive skin and dark brown eyes. I watch Taylor from the corner of my eye, and snicker. She’s flustered and totally beguiled by the good doctor. I’m tempted to tell her he had that affect on all of us, even my sixty five year old grandmother, but decide to wait until he’s left. I clear my throat and she whips her head back to me. Her cheeks flush crimson.
“How is my patient feeling today?” he asks Ari.
“Rough night,” I answer for her. “She didn’t sleep well.”
Dr. Gates frowns and makes notes again. He comes to stand on the other side of the bed, brushing past a still flustered Taylor, and moves to examine Ari’s cut. She squirms, trying to get away from him.
“It’s ok, Ari,” I reassure her. Her scared brown eyes meet mine and I give her a soft, comforting smile. “Dr. Gates just wants to make sure your tummy is getting better, ok? He won’t hurt you, I promise.”
Her little hands slide away from her stomach and Dr. Gates lifts her pajama top, going about examining her wound. He presses down and Ari flinches.
“Hmmm,” he says, scrubbing his chin. “It’s still quite tender, but that could be because we had a hard time getting her to keep still when she came out of surgery. I’ll give her something a little stronger for the pain, and something to help her sleep tonight, and then she should be okay to go home tomorrow. You’ve been shown how to clean the wound?”
I nod, remembering how I’ve been the only one, aside from Dr. Gates, who Ari has allowed near her stomach.
“Great,” he continues. “I will be back to check on you in the morning, Miss Arianna. And you ladies must enjoy the rest of your day.”
He looks at each of us, his gaze lingering a little longer on Taylor, and then promptly leaves the room.
“Holy cheese on a cracker,” Taylor sighs. “That man is fifty shades of sexy!”
“I know right!” Hannah chips in. “Did you see the buns of steel on his derrière?”
We laugh and I finally feel like I can breathe again, despite my state of exhaustion. My grandmother and Taylor decide to grab lunch for us and leave Hannah and I with Ari.
“Well, you look a hell of a lot better than you did yesterday,” Hannah observes. “How are you feeling?”
“I feel better, and I’m glad Ari can go home tomorrow. I’m just worried about having to take another week off school.”
“Don’t sweat it, Hayls,” Hannah says. “Your tests have been rescheduled and Professor De Jong said you can see her when you’re back at school for an extra credit assignment to make up for the practical you missed.”
“Thanks again, Han, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t go through all this trouble to help me.”
“Will you stop saying thank you already?” she chides. “It’s nothing. I’m just glad that you’re okay and that Ari is getting better. I also wish you had told me about her sooner, it’s not like I would have judged you or anything.”
I look down at Ari, seeing that she’s occupied with a new doll, and walk over to Hannah. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping quite about her. I want to protect her from my past for as long as I can. And I didn’t want anyone to ask me how I fell pregnant in the first place.”
“I understand,” Hannah says. She sighs and we both stand in front of the window overlooking the lush green hospital grounds. “But I want you to know that you can trust me.”
“I do. I guess I just expected everyone to react the way Cameron did. Not that I can be angry with him though.”
“Speaking of Cameron, I paid him a little visit this morning and pretty much tore him a new ass hole.”
I give her a stern look, motioning to Ari.
Hannah mouths ‘Sorry’ and I ask her, “Why did you do that?”
“Because he was a total…” she pauses, stopping herself from using another curse word that Ari is bound to repeat. “Jerk, and he could’ve handled it better.”
I’m in no position to argue, because I too believe Cameron could’ve handled it differently, but I’ve since let it slide on the premise that I don’t have time to wallow in self-pity. Sadly, it has given root to another concern; will every man I try to date react that way when I tell him I have a daughter?
Brushing the unwelcome thought away quickly, I meet Hannah’s gentle gaze. “It’s nothing Hannah,” I lie. It’s not nothing, but I need it to be. “I wasn’t as forthcoming as I should’ve been, and now that it’s over, Cameron is free to date someone who doesn’t have the kind of responsibility I do. I’m fine being alone.”
Her eyes stay fixed on me, probing me, dissecting the lie that has fallen from my mouth so easily. She doesn’t believe me, but I need to believe me. Thankfully our conversation is halted when my grandmother and Taylor, with Macy attached to her hip, come barreling into the room with food. My stomach growls from not having eaten enough over this past week. The hospital cafeteria food is less than appetizing but I’m too hungry to protest. We all sit around Ari’s bed, me next to her, and chat with a renewed sense of exuberance. The worry and fear that has plagued me, kept me from sleeping and eating, has finally left.
Looking at the two other women here with me, I start to count my blessings, knowing that the little one next to me is my greatest blessing of all. And no man, not even Cameron Argent, can make me feel ashamed of having her.
** ** ** ** **
It’s the next morning and Dr. Gates is checking Ari one last time before he signs her discharge papers. I’m happy that I can finally take her home, even if I’m a little nervous about looking after her and keeping her at home for the next two weeks. Dr. Gates gives us the all clear, asking me to bring Ari back again in three weeks for a check up and then giving me all the post-care information I’ll need. He’s advised me to keep Ari at home, where my grandmother and I can keep an eye on her, and keep her moving as little as possible for the first week. When we get home, I feed Ari and give her some medicine before tucking her in for an afternoon nap. I have a few things I need to sort out with one of my professors, so when Ari has finally fallen asleep, I take a quick drive to campus. Being Friday, it’s fairly empty, and I’m lucky to catch my Sports Reporting professor just as she’s leaving the lecture hall.
“Professor De Jong,” I call out to her, rushing to catch up to her. “I’m so sorry to bother you. My name is Hayley Tanner. I believe my friend Hannah spoke to you earlier this week?”
The elderly lady smiles warmly at me, “Yes dear, she did. I hope your little girl is doing better.”
Her kindness and sincerity catches me slightly off-guard but I recover quickly. “She is, thank you ma’am.”
Professor De Jong motions for us to walk and as I fall into step with her I continue, “I’d like to know what my extra credit assignment is, and when it’ll need to be completed.”
“Well Miss. Tanner, I’ve put together an assignment for you entailing sports teams. Basically I want you to do an article, using as much visual photography as you can, on the inner workings of a team. I want you to attend a sports team practice, photograph them, and then put together an exposé. Do you think you can have that done a week from today?”
“Yes ma’am” I reply quickly. “And thank you. I appreciate the opportunity to make up the extra grade.”
“You’re welcome Miss. Tanner. I took the liberty of finding out the practice times for the sports teams best suited to the assignment and made you a list,” she adds, handing me a sheet of paper. “Good luck.”
With that we part ways and I look down at the sheet, immediately looking for a time to do this assignment that will allow me to come in as early as possible and get it out of the way. My stomach drops when I find the only team who has a practice at six thirty a.m. on a Tuesday morning.
The swim team.
And that only means one thing.
I have to see Cameron.