“DA,” says Sarah, sounding puzzled. “You know.”
“Cat never knew,” says Flora, handing me a champagne glass.
“You never knew?” Sarah looks astonished. “But Flora said you were in.”
“Of course Cat was in!” says Flora impatiently. “She was totally in. Only I never told her exactly what was going on.” She turns to me. “And then you got the push. That evil cow. Have you been OK? You haven’t replied to my texts!”
“I’ve been fine, really. So…what exactly has been going on? What’s DA?”
I meet Sarah’s eyes and I can see her guard has dropped with me.
“Demeter Anonymous, of course,” she says with a laugh. “We share our terrible Demeter stories and help one another.”
“What did you think we were doing every Wednesday?” Flora gulps her champagne. “Honestly, we’ve needed this; otherwise we’d go insane.”
“The worst time was when she made Sarah cook those gross Chinese herbs.” Rosa screws up her nose. “D’you remember? The smell. I think that was before your time, Cat.”
“No!” Flora bats the air, her mouth full of champagne, then swallows and turns to me. “Dyeing the roots!”
“Oh my God, the roots.” Sarah claps a hand over her mouth.
“The roots!” Rosa explodes. “I’d forgotten about the roots. Cat, you win! Worst Demeter story ever.” She clinks her glass against mine and I grin back as widely as I can, even though my mind is working frenetically. While Rosa is refreshing glasses, I take out my phone as though to check for texts, press RECORD, and slip the phone back into my pocket.
“So what happened?” I say innocently. “How did Demeter get herself fired?”
All three of them exchange conspiratorial, triumphant looks.
“Go on,” says Flora to Sarah. “Tell her. Sarah’s brilliant,” she adds to me. “She got Demeter fired.” Flora clinks her glass against Sarah’s. “Sarah’s the star.”
“It was all of us,” rejoins Sarah modestly. “It was teamwork. And it’s been a long time coming. Hasn’t it, Rosa?”
“Too long,” says Rosa wryly.
“Wow!” I open my eyes wide. “But how on earth could you…I mean, what happened? I think I heard about some muddle with Allersons….”
“Sarah’s so clever,” says Flora proudly. “She sent Demeter all this wrong information so she wouldn’t pursue the project. And then she made sure the Allersons people never got to speak to Demeter on the phone; otherwise it would have come out. See? Brilliant.”
“I sent them the wrong mobile number.” Sarah gives me an angelic smile. “And I always answer Demeter’s phone in the office, so. It was easy.”
“But the way you juggled all the emails,” says Rosa. “I still don’t know how you did that.”
“Oh, Demeter’s such a technological shambles,” says Sarah. “It’s pathetically easy to fool her.” There’s such a contemptuous flick to her voice that I’m quite shocked.
“Sending The Email to Forest Food, though,” says Flora. “That was genius.”
“Well, it was in her drafts folder,” says Sarah, with a wicked little grin. “I just helped it along.”
“D’you remember that, Cat?” Flora turns to me. “The Email?”
“Just about!” I force a grin back. “So what actually happened?”
“Well, Demeter typed out this furious email—you know, letting off steam—and put it in ‘Drafts.’ So Sarah went to her computer and pressed SEND.” Flora collapses into giggles. “It took, like, ten seconds. Demeter never even questioned whether she’d sent it or not.”
“Always know what’s in your boss’s drafts folder,” says Sarah, with that one-cornered smile I remember.
I try to smile back—but I’m remembering Demeter’s face at the time of The Email. Her white, panicky desperation. And here they all are, assuming that she doesn’t have any feelings at all, toasting her misery in champagne.
They’ve turned her into a monster. I think they have literally forgotten that she’s a human being.
“And did you mess with her calendar?” I say, forcing another bright smile. “Because she used to get so confused….”
“Oh, all the time!” Sarah picks up her phone and imitates Demeter, right down to the swivelly-eyed look. “Shit. Shit. I know that meeting was on Friday…how has this happened? How has this happened?”
She’s so accurate, everyone bursts into laughter. But I’m feeling a kind of burning fury that I’m afraid is going to burst out any minute. How could they be so cruel?
“But what if you got caught?”
“No chance,” says Sarah smugly. “I’d just deny it. There’s no evidence, not one shred. I deleted all the fake emails off everything, as soon as she’d seen them.”
I have a sudden memory of Sarah grabbing Demeter’s phone out of her hand and jabbing at it. Managing everything. Controlling everything.
“As for the calendar stuff…” Sarah shrugs. “Her word against mine. Everyone knows she’s hopeless. Who would believe Demeter?”
“You could write a book!” says Flora to Sarah. “How to Get Back at Your Bully Boss. You are brilliant, you know.”
“Everyone’s been brilliant,” says Sarah firmly. “Rosa, you were great with the Sensiquo deadline. You totally landed her in it. And, Flora, you’ve been feeding me information the whole time….”
“You have no idea, Cat,” says Flora. “It’s been this team effort. It’s been epic.”
“I can see that!” Somehow I’m managing to sound pleasant. “So I suppose the only thing I don’t get is…why?”
“Why?” Flora echoes blankly. “What do you mean, why? We had to get her fired. I mean, it’s a health thing, right?” She looks at the others for affirmation. “I mean, we need therapy after having her as our boss!”
“Demeter is definitely bad for the health,” says Sarah. “She’s a nightmare. Management just couldn’t see it.”
“I know what we did was a bit extreme.” Rosa seems to be the only one to have the slightest qualms. “But it was going to happen anyway. I mean, Demeter can’t run a department. She’s so scatty! She’s all over the place!”
“We only accelerated what was inevitable,” says Sarah crisply. “It always should have been Rosa in that job.”
“But what about Demeter?” I keep the same easy, unthreatening tone. “What if you really messed her up? What if she thought she was getting dementia?”
There’s a slight silence. I can tell this thought has not crossed anyone’s mind.
“Oh for God’s sake,” says Flora at last. “This is Demeter we’re talking about.” As though Demeter counts for nothing, has no rights, no viewpoint, is just some kind of subspecies. I stare at her, feeling chilled.
Don’t say anything, I tell myself, don’t provoke them, just leave….But I already know I can’t do that.
“You called Demeter a bully,” I say lightly. “But actually I never saw her bully anyone.”
“Yes, she did!” Rosa gives a short laugh. “You saw her; she was a nightmare!”
“No, she didn’t. She used to assert herself, yes. And she was tactless, yes. But she didn’t bully anyone.” I draw breath, trying to stay calm. “Yet here you are, rounding up on her like some lynch mob.”
“Lynch mob?” Sarah sounds offended.
“Isn’t that what you are?”
“For God’s sake, Cat,” says Flora, glaring at me. “I thought you were signed up.”
“Signed up to what? Drumming someone out of a job by messing with their mind? Destroying someone’s sanity? Well, sorry if I’m boring, but no thanks.”
“Look, Cat,” snaps Rosa defensively. “With all due respect, you left Cooper Clemmow, you weren’t there, you don’t know what Demeter’s like—”
“I do,” I say curtly. “And I’d take her as a boss over you any day.” I stride to the door, my heart pumping, desperate to get away. But as I open it, I turn back and survey the aggressive, defensive faces. “You know the really sad thing? I admired you all so much. I wanted to be you, more than anything. But now I realize…you’re just a big bunch of bullies.”
“What?” rejoins Flora, sounding outraged.
“You heard me. Bullies.”
I let the word sit in the air for a few seconds, then close the door.