Black didn’t smile and he shook his head. We traded the money and the heroin. I had a scale and I weighed out what he’d given me to see that it was right. I asked Black if he still wanted to buy a QP. I said I was still holding one for him if he wanted it. He said to bring it by next time and he’d take a look at it. I could tell by the way he said it that he wasn’t about to buy shit. But I said I’d bring it anyway.
I felt like I’d accomplished something. I had another number I could call now if and when I ever got hard up to find some dope. And I’d done Mike a good turn. Mike had been fucked up for a minute. I’d paid him back in full for the contents of his safe, so it wasn’t like it was my fault. Mike’s problem was he had got himself fucked up on the pills and coke he was supposed to be selling and had got to be a dope fiend almost as bad as I was. He was even getting his pills from me now. He didn’t let it go to his head though; he was still arrogant as fuck.
* * *
—
SO OF course the heroin didn’t last us very long at all. It was all gone a little after we woke up the next day, and in the afternoon we were back waiting again outside the house on the nice street with the big oak trees and there was Raul again and Raul came up to the car.
I said, “Emily, this is Raul. Raul, this is Emily.”
Emily said hi.
Raul said hi.
I asked Raul how it had gone with Mike.
He said it had gone well. The coke was good. He said he would hit Mike up for some more. “You know how when you’re cooking it up with the baking soda and it sizzles?” he said.
I didn’t know. But I played along.
“Did you bring some of that loud with you?”
I said yeah.
He said, “Let me see it.”
I gave him a bud to look at.
“Oh that’s nice.”
“It’s called Grapefruit,” I said. “It’s got a really good taste to it.”
“I might have to buy some of this.”
Black came up to the car and looked at Raul again with the same look as from the day before, and Raul smiled again and went back inside. Emily said to Black, “Your brother’s nice.”
He said, “Raul’s some shit.”
I said, “You want to look at this QP?”
He said he’d have a look. I handed him the bag and he opened it up. He said, “So this is that gas, huh?”
Emily said, “Yeah. It’s gas.”
He said it looked real good but he couldn’t buy any just this minute. Maybe later.
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
The story of being a dope fiend is people will lie to your face and you can’t call them on it lest they not give you what you need when they get around to it. Saturday was no different. Emily and I woke and shot up the last of our dope and the day began. A day didn’t begin until we had run out of dope and it was time to get some more.
“How much money do we have?”
She said, “Nine hundred dollars.”
“That’s not bad.”
I called Black but he didn’t pick up. I sent him a text. He texted back saying he wasn’t together yet.
Emily said, “We could call Big.”
“Yeah, maybe we should do that.”
It was tricky having a little money. You might think you could buy a quarter ounce of heroin to last you a few days, but that would be a mistake. If you bought three grams of heroin you might get one gram of heroin and two grams of cut. If you bought seven grams of heroin you might get one gram of heroin and six grams of cut. So when you had some money the best thing to do was hold off. You couldn’t go wrong buying pills though. Pills didn’t get stepped on. And Big wasn’t a fuck.
We went to see Big and we bought ten pills and came home, by which time it was just around two in the afternoon and the day looked like it would be alright when all was said and done. Then my phone rang. It was Mike.
I said, “Hey, Mike.”
He said, “Do you have a gun?”
I said, “No.”
He said, “FUCK.”
I said, “What’s up?”
“You don’t have a gun?”
“No. Why?”
“I just got robbed.”
“You just got robbed?”
“Yeah. Yer boy set me up.”
“Just now.”
“Yes.”
“Shit, man.”
“I need to get my car. I left my car there. You don’t have a gun?”
“No. But I’ve got a bulletproof vest if you want that.”
“I’m on my way over.”
“I thought you didn’t have a car.”
“I’m driving Rachel’s car.”
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, I’ll be here.”
Rachel was Mike’s girlfriend. They lived together. They slept in separate rooms though. Which I thought was odd. Rachel was the type of girl you wanted to sleep with. Maybe one of them had sleep apnea. I don’t know. But I felt bad about Mike. Mike was getting the treatment. The world was treating Mike like a fucking loser. And he was new to it so it was harder on him, harder on him than it was for the likes of…me. And I felt bad. I was the one who had put him on with Raul, and now Raul had robbed him. Raul was black and Mike didn’t like dealing with black guys. He didn’t like dealing with black guys because he thought that you couldn’t trust them; namely he thought that they would rob you. I said to Emily, “Mike’s coming over. He says he just got robbed. He’s got to get his car. I’m going to take him.”
“What?”
“Mike got robbed.”
“By who?”
“By Raul, I think.”
“What a piece of shit!”
“I’m not sure, but I think that’s what happened. Mike’s on his way. We’ll find out from him.”
“He’s coming here right now?”
“Yeah. Like he’ll be here in a couple seconds.”
I went and got the bulletproof vest. It was in the closet on the stairs. An IBAS, ACU pattern. It had once belonged to the Ohio National Guard but it didn’t anymore. There was also a Kevlar helmet in the closet, but I thought that was probably a bit much.
Mike was outside. Emily let him in. I said, “Mike, you alright?”
He said, “Fuck no.”
“What happened?”
“I got fuckin robbed.”
“I know. But what happened?”
“Raul told me his boy wanted to buy an ounce of coke. I drove out to meet him and the motherfucker pulled a gun on me.”
“Was Raul there?”
“No. Just his boy.”
“I’m sorry, man. That’s fucking bullshit.”
“My car’s still up there. I have to go get it.”
“Yeah, I got you. I’ll take you up there right now.”
“Alright. You think I should wear that vest?”
“I don’t know. Wear it if you want to. Let’s shoot up first before we go. Hey, Emily.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m gonna spot Mike an eighty. Don’t be mad at me.”
“That’s fine.”
Mike said, “Thanks. I appreciate it.”
And we shot up, all three of us did. We had to because Mike had just got robbed. He had got robbed for an ounce of coke and that was about an $800–$1000 loss. The least we could do was we could all get high. So we did. And I drove Mike over to where his car was. His car was parked outside some apartments. A blue Mercury. All the doors were open. This was just north of Mayfield on Coventry, a little short of East Cleveland. It was a pretty lame place to have to say you got robbed. This wasn’t exactly the Terrordome. Two young girls were jumping rope. Mike got out and hurried over to his car and we got out of there. Mike had the bulletproof vest on. We looked like some dorks. When we got back I fronted Mike another pill and he went home. I called Black and he answered. He said he had picked up something and I could meet him if I wanted. So I said I was on my way. I bought a gram. I didn’t bother calling Raul. I asked Black and Black said he hadn’t known anything about it. I didn’t believe him but it didn’t matter.
CHAPTER SIXTY
In these years I didn’t sleep and when I slept I dreamt of violence. I dreamt of Iraq. I dreamt of movies I had seen. I would die in my dreams and not wake up. I’d be dead in my dreams and then die some more, and when I woke up I was tired. No matter what else, I was unhappy.