Wednesday, December 30, 2009
WE ALL MADE CHOICES. I made the choice not to put my fist through the wall behind me as they walked out of the club’s banquet hall.
The look on her face told me what I wanted it to. She didn't hide it very well. The fact was that she wasn't able to pretend, even with him standing right there, that she didn't want me. Her body couldn't lie to mine.
I’d stared holes in the back of her head all night.
I’d prayed for the second when she couldn't take it anymore. Still, the stubborn woman never looked. I watched as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, under the scrutiny of my gaze. I watched how my simply being in a room with her turned her inside out.
One look was all it took.
She left with him. I couldn't watch that.
If she needed motivation to make the decision, I was going to help her.
I was taking Aly to the wedding.
She asked for a year.
I'd already waited long enought. I was done waiting. I wanted her now. I sent her a message, even though we’d said we wouldn’t. I was done with that, too.
Me: Hang-in there, honeybee. It’s going to get rough.
I sent her that message for a few reasons. I guessed her phone was probably off and that she'd see it before bed and so I'd, most likely, be the last thing she'd think about. And also to let her know that I wasn't waiting for her to text me anymore.
The rules had changed.
Plus, I wanted to let her know it was almost over. I wasn’t blind to her pain. When it came to her, I could see past my own despair.
I was going to fight.
I was going to drag her through hell.
I was going to make her so uncomfortable that we'd have a resolution by this time the next night. Either she was going to hate me and or she was going to crack and let her husband see what was really on the inside of her.
A heart marked with my name.
“Have I ever told you how good-looking you are, brother?” I said to Cory as we stood at the bar. The Hook Line and Sinker looked better than it ever had.
Every table was covered in black linens and had large trees made out of sculpted wire lit from the inside with tiny lights. It was a great spot for a wedding and the perfect spot for a hell of a good party.
It was a good place to meet in a bar. It was the best place to meet in a bar. It's where we met in a bar. It might have been the wrong time, but it was definitely the right place. And here we were again. I relished in fated-like, ironic feel it all had.
“Yes, you have. And like I've told you before, you're right.” Cory retorted. “Seriously, though. You look better than I expected you to. You doing okay?”
“I'm doing great. To the New Year,” I raised my glass to him and he brought his to mine.
“To the New Year.” We each took a long drink.
He added, “I see you brought Aly.”
I looked at my feet. I knew what it appeared like to my family. It looked like a sign that I was trying to get back at her, but that wasn't it at all. I was just plain old trying to get her.
Aly was just another nudge.
It was wrong for me to do that to Aly, but who was keeping track of my mistakes those days? Sure as hell wasn’t me.
“I did,” I said.
“She cares about you.”
“She does.” My mood wasn't set to explain mode at the moment. “Are you ready to say those vows? Not going to run?” I teased and changed the topic.
“I'm ready,” he said as he straightened his posture. “You know, I know how lucky I am. I see you and whatever it is that you and Blake have and it's painful to watch sometimes,” he said and then thoughtfully added, “But I also know you and you wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn't worth it. I've seen you pretty torn up over this girl in the past. But something's different tonight.” He scratched his chin and laughed. “You look like you’re going to war.”
“Maybe I am,” I deadpanned.
“Good.” He bounced on his heels and leaned in to say conspiratorially, “Just remember this is our wedding. If you upset my wife tonight, we'll have a problem. Do what you gotta do,” he said as he walked off to a waiting Micah.
The evening started with cocktails. Blake wore a black dress that I had a history with. If she was giving me clues, too, I was getting them loud and clear.
I didn't hesitate to walk right over to them. They were talking to Micah’s mom and stepdad.
“Happy New Year,” I bellowed as I came to a stop on Blake’s side. Everyone responded wishing me a Happy New Year, too.
“So are you ready to stand up there with me Blake?” I asked, interrupting the conversation they were having and starting a new one of my own choosing.
Blake replied, “Um, up where?”
Grant's hand slid around her waist and pulled her in closer.
Good. The f*cker knew what my intentions were. He might not know his bride very well, but he sure as hell had me pegged right.
“The altar.” I paused watching her eyes go wide with shock. “You know? Best man? Maid of honor? We're at a wedding? Any of this ringing a bell? I love that dress by the way.” I slipped that last bit in there as Micah's stepdad said something to Grant.
“Have you seen my date?” I asked as Grant's attention returned to the conversation happening between his wife and me.
“Your date?” Grant asked. “The blonde you came in with?”
“Yeah, Aly. Have you seen her?”
“No.” Blake answered in short. “I hadn't.” Her reaction couldn't have been better. Her nostrils flared and she took a deep breath. It was perfect; she looked like she was going to war, too.
Cory’s term for it was spot-on. We were going to war. Except, I was going to show her, finally, that we were on the same side. We wanted the same goal.
“Well, if you do, would you tell her I'm looking for her? Something funny just happened and I wanted to tell her about it. Well, anyway, I'll see you up there,” and I pointed to the stage that had been changed into the semblance of an altar, where my brother and her best friend were going to take their vows.
I immediately found Aly and kissed her playfully on her neck. I didn't look to see if Blake was watching. I hoped Grant was watching, too.
I made my way to the acoustic musicians who were playing for us that night. They were friends of Cory's through work, but I'd met most of them before. I asked them if they knew a few of my favorites and then I made a request.
When it came time for them to say their vows, I stood opposite of Blake on the stage. Grant sat behind her, so he couldn't see her face, but he sure as hell didn’t look away from mine.
Cory and Micah made promises to each other and to Foster, who was already at home in bed. They pledged forever and happiness and working out their future problems. Together.
Her gaze didn't leave mine.
I licked my lips and watched pink slash her cheeks and nose. That pink f*cking nose.
I pretended to be itching and tapped my nose as she studied me.
That's right, honeybee, you don't fool me. You never have.
The ceremony ended.
Dinner was served, the music began, and first dances were had. Our sisters danced with Cory when Micah's stepdad danced with her for dance that was traditionally reserved for mothers and sons, fathers and daughters. They were good girls.
For an acoustic band, they were a lively group. Blake spent a lot of time with Micah out on the dance floor. Grant and I met again at the bar.
“So, you’re twins, huh?” he questioned.
“Yep,” I said.
“I think Blake and I are going to start trying for some kids. She was saying a few months ago that twins would be fun.” His face was ambivalent, and a forced kind of friendly. “She loves Foster. I learned tonight that you're his Godfather. I hadn’t realized. Hell, before yesterday I thought you were a woman.” He laughed and took the shot, which I hadn’t noticed, from behind his beer glass.
“A woman, huh?” I humored him. “Why would you think that?”
“Oh, I suppose it was just a misunderstanding.” He held a one up to Nate behind the bar asking for another shot. Grant gave me a questioning look as to ask if I wanted one, too. I nodded.
Nate poured them in front of us and we half-faced each other.
“Care to make a toast, Casey?”
Before he could make the toast I said, “Here's to misunderstandings.” He huffed and then tipped the liquor back, slapping the glass on the bar with a loud pop.
I watched him walk back to their table and take a seat, another drink in hand.
When I heard the beginning of D'Yer M'ker, the first song that we’d ever danced to in the very spot she was standing, I knew it was time for my next move.
Blake's body went rigid when she realized what song was playing.
She looked like a statue in the middle of the dance floor as I led Aly into my arms and began dancing to the song with her.
She was either going to hate me or crack. The warrior I'd seen on stage a little bit ago didn't seem as strong.
Holding Aly in my arms, my feet led me to face Blake and I mouthed the word “Bait.”