God Save the Queen

CHAPTER 18

TRUTH IS THE BEGINNING OF EVERY GOOD THING“Are you sure you want to do this?”

I looked up from a box I’d just set on the table. Vex stood in the doorway, two stacked cardboard cartons in his arms. “Too late now. I’ve signed the lease.”

My wolf set the boxes on a nearby chair. “You think you’ll be safe here?” He glanced around at the somewhat shabby surroundings, which I planned to restore to their former glory. The house was in Leicester Square and used to be a public house.

“Safer than I will be in Mayfair.” My new house was neutral territory, and while humans lived in the area as well, I was better prepared to defend myself against humans than aristos. And half-bloods. I wasn’t one of them any more.

Victoria had made it clear that I shouldn’t live in what she considered her neighbourhood. Well, my father had strongly suggested I move, and since both Val and Avery were pissed off at me for not telling them about Dede or my secret, it seemed a good idea to relocate. I didn’t mind – not really. This way my siblings couldn’t be used against me, and couldn’t keep an eye on me either. Emma would take care of Avery.

I didn’t know if my siblings were more loyal to me or my father, and right now my father was the enemy. I hadn’t told him, or Avery and Val, where I was going, and they hadn’t asked. I think Val and Avery were afraid of me as well. Maybe afraid for me too. It was a dodgy situation, and it hurt, but it was for the best while I sorted myself out.

“Did you hear that Parliament has declared Churchill a traitor?” Vex asked, carrying in more boxes. I hadn’t even noticed he’d left the room. Everything was still a little surreal, and I was still a little too self-absorbed.

At the mention of Church, my knees trembled slightly. When it had been leaked to Special Branch that there was evidence of illegal experiments in Church’s private office, they’d searched the premises and found the files. It was also circulating in the scandal sheets that he had been in on the plot to kill Victoria. The Crown didn’t comment on the murder attempt, but a statement was released expressing “Her Majesty’s shock and disappointment” over such a favoured subject committing such “vile” deeds.

“I did hear something like that,” I replied, opening a box of books that would soon find a home on the floor-to-ceiling shelves in my library.

I was the one who’d alerted Special Branch, and leaked the story to the press. Not only did it draw attention away from me, and Dede’s death, but it destroyed Church once and for all.

It also covered my tracks. No one suspected Church to be dead. Popular opinion was that he had left the country, as many personal items were missing from his house.

Those items belonged to the goblin prince now, as did Churchill’s spine. The rest of his bones had been incorporated into the throne being built for me in the plague den. I wasn’t in any hurry to sit on it, but sooner or later I would have to.

“Do you know anything about it?” Vex asked.

I glanced up. I trusted him with my life, but I didn’t want him to know anything that might get him into trouble one day. Still, I’d had enough dishonesty and deceit to last the rest of my days. “Yes.”

He paused, cradling a ceramic temple elephant in his big hands. “Did you kill him?”

“You already asked me that.” I shoved some paperbacks on to a polished shelf.

“Tell me again.”

I met his gaze. “I didn’t kill him.” It wasn’t a lie.

Vex frowned. “I don’t understand why the hell not. After what that bastard did … I would have torn his heart out.”

Someone else did that for me. I swallowed. I should feel remorse, or at the very least, disgust. I felt nothing.

“He won’t be coming back,” I whispered.

Vex’s head jerked up, but there was no censure in his eyes. No revulsion. I was fairly certain he had a good idea of what happened to Church in the tunnels. “Good.” He checked his watch. “We should get ready. It’s almost nine.”

A familiar ache blossomed in my chest. “Right. I just have to change. You brought clothes with you?”

He nodded. He’d been my shadow these last few days, with me whenever I needed him, and sometimes when I didn’t. I didn’t mind his presence. Vex was one of those rare people who was content with his own company. If I needed time alone, he’d wander off and give it to me, but he always seemed to know when to come back.

We showered together. He ran his soapy hands all over me – but it was more soothing than sexual. He took care of me but didn’t coddle. I leaned into his touch as though I could absorb some of his strength through my skin.

I was empty inside. The spot Dede had occupied was hollow and raw, as though cut away with a rusty blade. The loss of Avery and Val stung but wasn’t as crushing. They would come back eventually; Dede would not.

After drying off, I put on a little make-up, re-pinned my hair and slipped into black trousers, corset, boots and a black velvet frock coat Dede had given me for Christmas last year. Vex dressed in head-to-toe black as well. We looked like a couple of crows as we exited the building.

My hair was still candy red, but my eyes had taken on a ring of gold around the Vardan green, and my skin was paler than it had been before. The supplements were completely out of my system, allowing the me I should have been to fully emerge. I’m not sure what I thought of her, but I was all right with her for now. Some of the new impulses and behaviours were strange and a little … disconcerting, but I no longer worried about my sanity or what people thought of me. I was still trying to suss out whether that was good or not.

I looked around, keen gaze searching for any sign of an assassin waiting to strike. There was nothing. Either I was being lulled into a sense of security, or I was truly was safe. For now.

I was goblin, but still looked half-blood – except when hunger or rage got the better of me. Two days ago a halvie doctor had approached me about allowing him to perform some tests on me. I admired his nerve, so I let him walk away rather than break both his knees. I told him I wasn’t interested, but I’d call if I changed my mind. He seemed surprised, as though a lab rat like me ought to jump at the chance to run through another maze.

“Have you spoken to your father?” Vex asked as we climbed into the Swallow.

“Not since he suggested I move.” I leaned back against the soft leather seat. “I reckon his loyalty is with Queen V right now, just as it always has been. He’ll want to patch things up with her and separate himself from his abomination of a child.” There was not a smidgen of self-pity in my tone, thank you very much. Just fact.

“Nothing from Avery or Valentine either?”

I shook my head and sighed as he started the engine. “Nothing.” The boxes of things that had arrived at my new house yesterday had been accompanied by a note from Emma expressing love and regret, but not from my sister.

Warm fingers came down on my leg for a moment before moving to put the motor carriage into gear. “I’m sorry.”

To my horror, my eyes began to burn. Thankfully, no tears leaked out. “It’s all right. They’ll come round.”

“Whatever you need, you have me and my pack.”

I don’t know what I’d done to deserve him, but I was eternally grateful to whatever made me go to Freak Show that night when Vex and I met. Once, in the wee hours, I’d entertained doubts about him, wondered if he was only after what I could offer him politically, but I’d quickly pushed them away. “Victoria won’t like that.” But Vex had made it clear at our little “faction” meeting that he was with me. The queen hadn’t liked it, but she didn’t make a fuss. She was a crafty old bird. I had no doubt she had already started making plans for me.

“Victoria can f*ck herself.”

I smiled. “Can’t imagine anyone else wanting to do it.” We laughed together, and for that moment I felt better than I had in weeks. I missed my family, and I missed Dede like a severed limb, but there had been some truth in what Church had said that night in the tunnels. Dede had been somewhat mad – ever since they took her baby away. She would never have Ainsley or their child, and it would have destroyed her. That didn’t excuse what he had done, and it didn’t make me feel one ounce of remorse for taking him to his death. Some people had to die, and Churchill was one of them.

But I would not forget that I had a nephew in Mayfair. If it was the last thing I did, I’d make certain the world knew who his mother really was. One day. For Dede.

There was no church service this time. We went straight to Kensal Green, where armed RGs protected the gates. We had to show ID to get inside. The look on the guards’ faces when they recognised me would have been hysterical if they hadn’t been so … afraid. Vex growled low in his throat – just enough to make them both flush with embarrassment and shame. “Go right in, Alpha, Your Majesty.”

Majesty. Yeah, right. It was bad enough the gobs called me that.

“I suppose I ought to get used to people treating me like I’m a monster,” I remarked as Vex and I walked hand in hand towards the Vardan crypt.

He squeezed my fingers. “You’re not a monster.”

Tell that to Churchill’s heart. I didn’t say anything, just squeezed back. Sometimes I dreamed about Church, all the things he used to mean to me. I’d remember dragging him into the den, handing him over like he was nothing more than … meat. Those were usually the times I woke up screaming, covered in sweat, shaking. The times I woke up crying were the times I hated him most.

There was a small crowd at the crypt – my father, Val, Avery and Emma. Emma actually came over to say hello and give me a hug, God love her. There were a few other people there – Dede’s mother and some of her good friends from the Peerage Protectorate – but that was it. No one else had been allowed to witness the interment of the Duke of Vardan’s traitorous daughter.

And the rags had declared her a traitor. Before I’d had him killed, Churchill had indeed built quite a case against her. Even I had trouble picking out the lies in it.

I hugged Lecia, but didn’t speak. What could either of us say? Nothing that we wanted anyone to hear. We would talk later. Maybe then I’d know what to tell her about her daughter.

Avery didn’t look at me, but I knew she wouldn’t. She’d cave if she did, and she wasn’t ready to accept or forgive. I’d do the same thing. Val nodded curtly. He was going to stay cold much longer than Avery; it was his duty as eldest to plague me with disappointment for as long as possible, just to make certain I was properly contrite.

The vicar said a few words, but I didn’t listen. He hadn’t known Dede and he didn’t care. My attention was captured by another group of people a few hundred feet away. They were gathered around an old stone angel that had chipped wings, and pigeon shit on its serene face. I wouldn’t have given them a second thought had one of them not had familiar salt-water-blue hair.

My gaze flew to the woman beside her, her face concealed by a black veil. I could tell by the height and the blonde hair peeking out from beneath her hat that it was my mother. I nodded to her – ever so slightly – before turning my gaze back to Ophelia. She wore a partial veil as well. I didn’t even wonder how they’d got past the guards.

My sister looked good – healthy and strong. There wasn’t a blemish on her smooth, pale throat to show that I’d ever tried to rip it open. We stared at each other a moment – her warily, and me with remorse. I’d never meant to hurt her.

Then she inclined her head, and I did the same – a truce it seemed, at least for now. I was irrationally happy to have it, despite the fact that I still didn’t like her all that much. But I’d take her disdain over fear any day.

It started to rain, and the vicar ended things shortly afterwards. Everyone filed out to face the reporters, who wanted to wring every last drop of scandal out of my sister’s death. And me. They wanted me too. They would have to wait.

I stepped into the crypt, up to the shelf where a casket containing an impostor had once sat. Now, it was empty except for a tall, ornate urn. They’d burned her – there was a cruel, yet symmetrical, irony in that. I put my hand on the base, feeling the cool porcelain beneath my fingers. “Goodbye, Dede,” I whispered, throat dry.

Not a single tear came. Now, when I wanted to let it out, cleanse my soul or whatever, I couldn’t summon a goddam cry for her.

The Bedlam crew was gone when I emerged. Probably didn’t want to risk being seen. I wanted to blame them for Dede’s death, but I couldn’t be bothered. Dede was dead because she’d wanted to see her kid – and me. No, she was dead because of Church. I wasn’t going to martyr myself for his sorry dead arse.

He would never have a grave for people to visit. He would never have rest so long as I had his skull to gnaw on. I’d see to that. Was that mad? Yes, and I didn’t f*cking care.

Vex and I walked to the exit. It had taken us longer to get here than the funeral lasted. The guards had lifted their collars against the weather, but I liked the water on my skin. It made me feel clean. And the darkness made me feel … safe.

I watched my family climb into my father’s carriage as Vex and I approached his. Reporters yelled at us. Flash bulbs stung my eyes. I could make them all piss themselves with a flash of fang and a snarl, but I’d still end up on the front page. I didn’t need to show them the monster. “You all right?” he asked.

I nodded. “Fine.”

“Xandra, how do you feel now that you’ve finally buried your sister?” a reporter asked, thrusting a microphone in my face.

I glanced at him. Just a little weaselly human with big bollocks. Finally? “Like I’ve just buried my sister,” I replied.

Vex put himself between me and the reporter. “Piss off,” he snarled.

“Y … you can’t hurt me,” he sputtered. “Queen Victoria signed a treaty prohibiting aristocrats from harming the press.”

I smiled. “But I’m not an aristocrat.”

His face went white, and he scurried off like a mouse.

Vex turned to me. “I think you like being a goblin.”

“I think I want to get the hell out of here before the rest of the vultures attack.” There was a barricade, but there were only two guards, and many more humans and halvies. Pretty soon they’d mob us.

We climbed into the Swallow and set off for home. I wanted to be in my own space. I wanted this all to die down so I could take stock of my life and start living it.

And I needed to prepare myself for the chance that the Queen of England might come hunting for my head.

My house was cosy when we stepped inside, the mellow lighting giving off a warm glow. Despite the unpacked boxes and furniture that still needed to be arranged, it was beginning to feel like home. A safe place. I hadn’t realised how much I’d longed for this until now. All my life I’d fussed over Val and Avery and Dede. I’d made them, and my career, the focus of my life. I’d been all about pleasing other people, trying to win approval.

The only approval I needed now was my own. I intended to set about earning it. Apparently I had no problem with murder, so that was a good thing. Where did I stand on the goblin issue? They still bloody terrified me, but not in the same way. They were no danger to me – at least not to my person. And they had a sense of honour that I found both bizarre and fascinating.

But I hadn’t heard from the prince since he gave me tribute. I had to admit to feeling a little … neglected.

“Xandra, what’s that?”

I turned from hanging up my coat. There, on the table in my parlour, sat an antique hatbox with a card on top of it.

“No bloody idea,” I replied, moving towards it.

Vex stopped me. “Let me.”

I opened my mouth to remind him that I was as strong as he was – maybe stronger – and then shut it again. I liked that he wanted to protect me, and he seemed to like doing it. Why not let him? It was nice to know I had someone looking out for me.

Gently he lifted the top off the box. When nothing exploded, I peered over his shoulder to see another box inside. This one was covered in rich dark blue velvet. My wolf picked it up and inspected it before carefully opening the lid.

My jaw dropped. It was a crown. Hand-carved, intricate and ornate, it was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen. It was also quite possibly the most disturbing.

It was made of old metal and old bone. More to the point, it was carved from a skull. A vampire skull. Someone had fashioned it, embellished it. And then it had sat in the underside for a long time. I hoped it wasn’t as old as it looked, because that would make it ancient.

Vex stared at it, his expression a mirror of how mine felt. “Read the card,” he suggested.

I took up the envelope and ripped it open. The card inside was heavy stock, the penmanship on it perfect and scribed by a quill and ink. I read it aloud: “For the Xandra lady, Queen of all the Plagues of Britain. A coronation present from your humble servant, the Prince of the Goblins.” I slid my gaze to Vex. “I reckon they haven’t forgotten about making me queen, then.”

“Aye, and they plan to hold a coronation.” Incredulity brightened his rugged features and twinkled in his grey eyes. “Victoria’s going to blow a gasket.”

I smiled at his wicked laughter. I shouldn’t invite trouble, but maybe this country needed a little. It certainly needed a change. “Should I try it on?”

He lifted the crown from its velvet bed. “Only if you promise to leave it on. I always wanted to get off with a queen.”

His humour was exactly the right thing to ease the ache in my heart. Dede wouldn’t want me to wail and moan over her, which was just as well, because I didn’t think I had it in me.

“Mind you show me the proper respect,” I informed him, “or I’ll have your head.”

He grinned – all wolf. “You can have the head, and the rest of it too.”

I rolled my eyes as he set the crown on my head. It was a perfect fit, as though it had been made for me. I turned to look in the mirror hanging in the hall. It looked good too. What did it say about me that bone seemed to suit me?

“It’s macabre,” I murmured, raising my hand to touch it. So much work had gone into it. “And pretty.”

Vex’s arms came around me. “You’re pretty.” He kissed my temple. “I’d like to take you upstairs and make you forget everything for a few hours, show you what happens when two royals get naked. What do you say to that, Your Majesty?”

I turned in his arms and wrapped my own around his neck. Right now, it was just the two of us. I’d worry about the rest of it – Victoria, my family, Bedlam, the goblins – tomorrow. I set the crown aside and rose on my toes to bring my mouth closer to his as he lowered his head. I smiled.

“I say God save the Queen.”