25
I SAID GOOD-BYE TO EVERYONE—MATTHIAS, NOAH, even Jade. I didn’t know when I’d see them again, but I was sure I would. There was no reason for me to stay here any longer. I had to forge some sort of normalcy in my life—starting with finally seeing my sister again.
Returning Meg and Julie to her was the perfect excuse.
“Are we going home now?” Meg asked as we left the house.
I nodded. “You are.”
“I miss mommy,” Julie said.
“Me, too.” I directed them into the back of one of Kristoff’s black sedans that Matthias was letting us permanently borrow.
Leaving the luxurious beach house, which on the surface looked like somewhere I would have once killed to live in—the irony was not lost on me—was a real relief. Away from the shadows and trouble, and out into the sunshine that felt so good on my skin. Declan had found a pair of dark sunglasses, which he currently wore, and he stood next to the car with the keys in his hand.
I glared at him as I approached.
He eyed me in return. “What?”
“Did you know the sun wouldn’t blind you?”
He shrugged. “I had a hunch, but I didn’t know for sure.”
The anger that I’d felt earlier bubbled up again. “So you nearly went blind to stop Kristoff.”
“A few moments wouldn’t have done any permanent damage. I would have healed in a few months.”
“Months.” I shook my head. “Honestly, you make me so mad. There were better ways to deal with him.”
“I guess I stopped thinking properly when I saw him lunge at you with that knife. I just reacted.” His eyebrows raised. “Will you ever forgive me?”
“This time.” I let out a long, shaky breath. “Just don’t let it happen again.”
“I’ll try my best.” He placed his hand on the roof of the car and looked up at the large house. “You sure you want to leave him?”
There was tightness in his voice.
My anger at his tendency toward risky behavior faded. “You’re jealous.”
He scrubbed a hand over his scalp. “You’re his soul mate now because of your bond. He’s a king, he’s powerful, he’s—”
“Rich and superhot,” I finished for him. “That song and dance is getting old, vampire. Get in the car.”
He studied me for a long moment. “Yes, ma’am.”
The hour-long drive along the coast from Malibu back to Los Angeles gave me time to think, to clear my head, and to try to come to terms with everything that had happened. I could never completely fault Matthias for claiming me. It was the one thing that was going to keep the Nightshade in my blood from killing me. But the poison was still inside me and it wasn’t going anywhere. My blood and the Nightshade formula were the same thing now. It was a disturbing thought, but something I had to accept, since there was no alternative.
The vampire next to me in the driver’s seat showed signs that being this close to me for a prolonged amount of time bothered him. His hunger showed on his face—faintly at the moment—but it was there. He couldn’t hide that from me.
“How often do you need to . . .” I swallowed hard. “Feed?”
His lips thinned. “Daily. But I can get it from blood banks, from hospitals. I don’t need to—” He glanced at the kids in the backseat in case they were listening in, but they were currently snoozing. “It’ll be fine. I can control it.”
He sounded confident. If there was anyone I believed in, anyone I didn’t think would lie to me about something like this, it was Declan. “Good.”
“I thought being . . . what I am now . . . would feel different, that I’d feel different, but I feel the same—unless I’m”—he drew in a ragged breath—“really hungry. I’m hungry right now.”
“You’ll be fine.” I touched his arm and he flinched. I pulled my hand back and placed it in my lap.
His reaction worried me. I hated to think that being near me was this difficult for him.
“Can you stop at a gas station?” I asked. “I need to clean myself up before I see Cathy.”
“The fang marks are nearly healed.”
I touched my throat remembering the fear I’d felt—mostly for Declan—when he’d bitten me. I’d never been so afraid in my entire life. I was sure he’d die.
But he was still here, in one piece . . .
Emotion welled in my chest, but I pushed back against it. There’d be time for that later.
Declan pulled into a gas station and I grabbed some breakfast for the girls. A coffee for me. I cleaned myself up as much as I could in the washroom. I’d have to buy some new clothes as soon as possible. The little black dress and high heels I still wore were currently my only possessions. I didn’t think I’d wear a little black dress again. Like, ever.
I stared into the mirror for a long time. I looked pale, a bit thin, but strangely vibrant and alive. I knew it was because of my bond with Matthias. He was regaining the rest of his strength with every passing hour. He was immortal. He was powerful. And I got to siphon a little of that energy for myself, even from a distance. I looked a little closer at the mirror to realize with surprise that my eyes, previously as jet black as my hair, were cornflower blue again.
“Gift with purchase,” I murmured as I drew my fingers through my hair to try to get the tangles out of it.
I left the washroom feeling better, stronger, and happier than I had in a very long time. A wash of optimism flowed over me. If I could survive the last couple of weeks, I think I could survive just about anything. There would be plenty of challenges ahead, I knew that. I wasn’t completely normal and I never would be again. But maybe that was okay.
The girls ate their muffins and drank their bottles of orange juice in the backseat and I settled again into the passenger side.
“My eyes are blue,” I announced with a smile.
“I noticed.” Declan shifted into drive and we headed the rest of the way to my sister’s house. I grew more nervous the closer we got. It had been my goal all along to see her again, to know at that moment everything would be all right. The time was finally here and I was so happy to bring her daughters back to her, unharmed, and completely oblivious to whatever danger they’d been close to. There was no evidence of a police presence, no search parties, no crowds or news cameras, so I assumed she still had no idea what had happened.
Ignorance was seriously bliss.
“Here it is, on the right with the Toyota in the driveway,” I said as we pulled onto her treelined street. He parked at the curb and I got out to open the door for the girls.
I leaned into the car. “I’ll just be—”
“You should stay here, Jill.” Declan’s grip was tight on the steering wheel, his gaze straight forward on the road.
A breath caught in my chest. “What?”
He nodded, still not looking directly at me. “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and it’s the right thing to do. You’re here, with your sister, just as you wanted. You’re healthy, in no danger of dying. I’ll go back to the compound and make sure all remaining paperwork and files on you are destroyed. You don’t have to be afraid that anyone will be after you—I’ll make sure no one knows you exist. Stay in nice, normal residential areas and you shouldn’t have any problems with rogue vamps. You can have your life back any way you want it to be. A bright future.”
I heard him, but his words weren’t properly registering with me. “But, I thought we were—”
“What did you think?” His jaw was tense, his knuckles whitening on the steering wheel, and he finally looked at me. His sunglasses covered any expression in his single gray eye. “What were your plans now? To live on the road, motel to motel, constantly in danger? With a vampire who has difficulties controlling himself around your scent?”
“My blood doesn’t kill you.”
“No, but it’s too tempting, Jill. And the pain I felt from tasting it—f*ck, it nearly put me out of commission. I almost didn’t get myself together enough after that to stop Kristoff. I can’t concentrate around you.”
“But—”
“What exactly did you think would happen next?”
My eyes stung. I hadn’t expected this. “I—I hadn’t really given it much thought.”
“Exactly. Which is why I had to. Look, I’m planning on continuing on as I always have. Hunting down rogues. It’s all I know and I’m used to doing it alone. You can tell just by looking at my scars it’s a f*cking dangerous business. And there’s no place in it for someone like you.”
I glanced at the girls waiting up on the curb. They hadn’t run to the front door yet; they were waiting for me to accompany them.
“Come on, Aunt Jill,” Meg said. “I want to see my mommy.”
I turned back to Declan. “Listen, I—”
He shook his head. “No, Jill. This is your chance to be normal again. There’s no future for us. Being around you it’s—it’s torture for me. That’s no damn way to live. I can’t deal with it. I don’t want to deal with it. It’s safer for us to be apart.”
I tried to swallow, but it was difficult. “Safer for you or for me?”
“Both.”
All I could do was nod. “You’re right, of course. About everything.”
“Yeah, I am.”
I’d known it from the beginning—me and Declan, we were different. Too different. Our worlds didn’t mesh, when it came right down to it. As soon as we got off the metaphorical roller-coaster ride we’d been on together, it was time to go our separate ways.
“Okay.” I blinked hard, refusing to let myself cry over this. Not now. Maybe later, but not now. “Girls, say good-bye to Declan.”
“Good-bye, Declan,” they said in unison.
“Good luck.” My voice sounded thick as I closed the passenger side door. I turned away and began walking up the driveway. The girls trailed after me. I didn’t want to look back, but I glanced over my shoulder, feeling my heart sink as the black car drove off down the road as if he’d been in a bat-out-of-hell hurry to get away from me.
It was over.
Time for the rest of my life to begin.
I marched up to the door and inhaled deeply through my nose and let it out slowly through my mouth. I hesitated only a moment before I rang the doorbell.
It didn’t take long before it opened and my sister stood there, her light blond hair, currently back in a haphazard ponytail, the exact same shade mine used to be.
She grinned. “Jill! I’m so happy to see you!”
I almost laughed at how completely at ease she seemed. “I’m happy to see you, too, Cathy.”
“Mommy!” The girls ran past me into the house and hugged their mother.
“Did you have a good time last night?” Cathy asked.
“Yeah, it was fun,” Meg said, smiling. “And we found Aunt Jill.”
I felt on the verge of tears of relief at their complete and utter calm reaction to what had happened. Luckily they’d been kept out of the drama. Only I knew exactly what had happened and how much danger they’d been in. Seeing the girls reunited with their mother gave me a feeling of elation and relief, as if everything I’d been through had been completely worth it.
Cathy then grabbed me into a fierce hug so tight it almost hurt. “I was worried about you since you disappeared. Why didn’t you call me?”
I hugged her back. “I’m sorry. I should have.”
She pulled back from me and there were emotions sliding through her gaze—relief, happiness, and a little bit of annoyance with her uncommunicative sister, who didn’t follow rules like a normal person. “What the hell happened to you, anyway? They told me you went out for a coffee break at work and that scary man grabbed you. He had a gun. Where the hell have you been all this time?”
I tried not to think about the scary man with the gun. He’d destroyed my normal life by dragging me into his. And I missed him already so much it felt as if I’d been stabbed through my heart. That pain fought with the pure joy I felt at seeing Cathy again.
“It’s a long story,” I said. “But I’m back and everything’s going to be okay now.”
Her expression turned quizzical. “What on earth did you do to your hair?”
I touched it absently. “It’s different now. Do you like it?”
She leaned back and pursed her lips. “I think I can get used to it.”
My hair was different. Permanently. Kind of like me. I knew I’d changed at a cellular level, just like my hair had. Like my blood had. It hadn’t been all that long since I’d been ripped out of my normal life, kicking and screaming, but everything was different now.
She glanced over her shoulder to see the girls in the family room, turning on the television. “Did they have a good time with you and . . .” She frowned. “I forget his name. The handsome blond man with the gray eyes.”
I wasn’t surprised she didn’t remember past Kristoff’s strong mental influence. “They did.”
She shook her head. “Where were you all this time? The man—the one who grabbed you—”
“He’s gone.” I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, then opened them up and smiled at her. “It’s okay.”
She stroked my long black hair back from my face and tucked it behind my ear. “I have so many questions, I don’t even know where to begin. But nothing really matters as much as the fact that you’re back. Everything can go back to normal now, Jill. Everything. And I’m not letting you out of my sight ever again.” She laughed. “This is better than I ever could have hoped for.”
“It’s exactly what I hoped for, too.” I hugged her again, my chest felt tight. “I love you so much, Cathy.”
“I love you, too.”
“Please take care of yourself and the girls, okay?”
She pulled back from me, a frown creasing her brow. “What?”
I smiled, a truly genuine smile. “I need to go.”
“Go? Go where?”
“I’ll be in touch, I promise. Soon. Please don’t worry about me.”
I turned and left the house, walking down the driveway to the sidewalk. Seeing Cathy again, returning the girls safely, it was everything I thought it would be. It made me happy. It made me remember my life before—how normal and regulated everything was. There was a comfortable structure to having a job, having a set of friends, a sister and nieces I visited regularly. I could have that again, I’d just seen it.
But I wasn’t the same person I’d been. I felt it deep inside me. I didn’t belong there—not anymore. And that was okay. It was a part of my life, but not the sum total of it. I could have followed the rules. Could have stayed there. Hell, I was sure Cathy wouldn’t have had a problem with me moving in and starting my life over here in Los Angeles.
But there were other things in store for me now.
“Jill!” Cathy called from her front door. “Where the hell are you going?”
I just waved at her. She probably thought I was crazy. Maybe I was. But I knew this was the right choice for me. I walked down the sidewalk in my short black dress, the high heels pinching my feet.
No matter what happened now, everything was going to be okay.
I believed it.
The car came to a stop at the curb beside me a few minutes later. I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed that it wasn’t some jerk who wanted to give me a lift to the nearest motel room after mistaking me for a hooker.
“Are you getting in or what?” Declan asked through the open passenger side window.
I smiled, then grabbed the door handle, opened it up, and got in beside him. “I thought you were leaving.”
“Me, too.”
“But you came back.”
“I did.” His jaw was tight and his attention was on the road again.
“Isn’t it torture to be close to me?”
“It is.”
I bit my bottom lip and watched him carefully. “So why did you come back?”
He finally turned to look at me. “I guess I’m just a complete masochist who’s fallen in love with you.”
My heart swelled. “That was probably not a very smart decision.”
“Tell me about it.” His sunglasses were off, and I saw the raw emotion in his pale gray eye—emotion he’d never had to experience in the past thanks to his serum.
No more serum. No more dhampyr.
Just a vampire who could go out in the daylight. Who had survived my blood. Who’d dragged me into this life, and I was in no hurry to escape from him anymore. This was where I belonged, come what may. With Declan.
I looked out of the window back in the direction of my sister’s house and my normal life. “So where are we headed next?”
“Honestly? I have no damn idea.”
I smiled at him. “That sounds like a pretty good start to me.”
He reached down to take my hand in his as we pulled away from the curb.