Sophie didn’t look sure.
‘It would be good therapy,’ Jessica said. ‘We could even go out for the odd pizza, or whatever you fancy. What do you say? I could use the company. I’m a bit fed up of knocking around my empty house on my own, to be honest, and it might give your mum and dad a bit of space.’
‘I don’t know,’ Sophie said hesitantly. ‘Do you think Mum would mind?’
Jessica glanced towards where Alicia was still talking to Paul Radley. ‘I shouldn’t think so. She’ll understand you need some space, too. She’s going to be tied up at the reception anyway from the looks.’
Sophie followed her gaze. ‘Who’s he?’ she asked, perturbed.
‘Just a friend,’ Jessica supplied. ‘An old work colleague. He’s been working in Dubai for a few years. They’ve obviously got things to catch up on. Look, if you really can’t face the reception, we’ll have a word with your mum and slip off now. We could go and grab your stuff on the way. Your dad’s probably headed off home, so you might be able to have a word with him before you leave. Sound like a plan?’
‘But how will mum get to the reception?’ Sophie asked, clearly concerned about her mum, which was commendable. Sophie was turning out to be a very caring young woman. Jessica would be proud to have a daughter like her. She couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as she recalled her own lost babies. The man who’d been in her life back then had seemed to think she shouldn’t even grieve over them, since she’d never managed to get past the crucial three-month stage of her pregnancies.
She had grieved for them, silently. She’d even grieved for their indifferent father, pathetically, since a man who’d walked out on her while she’d been losing their child hadn’t been worth wasting a single tear on.
Shaking off her sadness, because here wasn’t the place if she wasn’t to end up sobbing like a child herself, Jessica turned her attention back to Sophie, Alicia really should be paying her a bit more attention. She was bound to be emotional after standing up there and giving the eulogy so beautifully. But then, Alicia wouldn’t know whether she was on her head or her heels right now. And Paul Radley reappearing certainly wouldn’t be helping her emotional state.
‘She’ll travel in the funeral car,’ she said, smiling reassuringly. ‘And if she doesn’t want to do that, I’m sure one of the guests won’t mind taking her.’
Paul Radley, for one. Jessica debated the wisdom of allowing Alicia to be alone in his company for too long. But she clearly did need to talk to him. As Alicia had said, when he’d turned up at her party uninvited, she needed to establish why he’d reappeared after so long. She could hardly bury her head in the sand and ignore the fact that he was here.
She actually might be doing Alicia a favour, taking Sophie off her hands for a while. And with a bit of luck, they would catch Justin at home. Plainly, he’d been upset and angry, seeing Paul Radley here. Jessica really couldn’t blame him. The least she could do was offer him a shoulder and try to reassure him.
Fourteen
ALICIA
‘I really am so sorry, Alicia,’ Paul said, his face earnest.
Alicia didn’t answer. She was too stunned.
‘I’m taking up far too much of your time. I know you don’t want to hear about my reasons for not being able to get back to the UK until now, but if there’s anything I can do.’ He smiled kindly. ‘Anything at all…’
Yes, there is, Alicia thought. Please, please leave me alone. ‘No, there isn’t,’ she said quickly, her stomach tight with nerves as she looked past him again in search of Justin, who would be as confounded as she as to why Paul was here.
‘I couldn’t believe it when David told me your news.’ Paul shook his head in commiseration.
David? Alicia tried to think past the chaos of jumbled thoughts in her head. One of Jessica’s old flames. She recalled what Jessica had told her at the party, insisting that, though she’d been quite close to Paul Radley when they’d all worked together, socialising with him along with this David, she hadn’t invited him to the party. He’d apparently arrived with David, who also worked in financial services. Presumably, they were friends. It made sense. But it didn’t make her feel any better about him turning up out of the blue – again.
‘I wanted to call by and pay my respects,’ Paul went on, apparently oblivious to her growing desperation to end the conversation and get back to her family.
His respects? Alicia was doubly stunned at that. He didn’t know the meaning of the word. If he had any respect at all, for anyone, he would not… Her thoughts ground to a halt as her gaze fell on Sophie, who was walking away from the church with Jessica. She couldn’t see Justin. Panic clutched at her stomach. Where on earth was he?
‘Paul, I have to go. My family needs me,’ she repeated firmly, moving past him, now frantically scanning the immediate vicinity of the churchyard, the groups of people heading towards parked cars, preparing to go on to the reception. Where was he? She’d lost sight of him when Jessica had stopped her as they’d filed out of the church.
Hurrying towards Sophie and Jessica, she caught up with them. ‘Sophie, sweetheart…’ Her heart plummeted as Sophie turned towards her, tears now flowing unchecked down her face. ‘It’s all right, baby,’ she said, her voice catching as she pulled her towards her. ‘It’s all right.’
‘It’s not though, Mum, is it? How can it be?’ Sophie mumbled into her shoulder.
‘She doesn’t want to go to the reception.’ Stroking Sophie’s hair, Jessica filled Alicia in. ‘I said she didn’t have to, I hope that’s okay? Justin’s already left, by the way.’
Left? Oh God, no. Because of Paul Radley? ‘When?’ Alicia asked, panic tightening her chest.
‘A few minutes ago. I think he needed to be on his own.’ Jessica met her eyes, an attempt at reassurance in her own, and then glanced past her to Paul Radley, who was walking towards them. ‘I’ve told Sophie she can come and stay with me for a few days, if that’s okay with you. I said I’d take her back to fetch her things.’
Alicia shook her head, bewildered. ‘I should take her,’ she said. ‘I should be with her. With Justin. Is he all right? I mean, did he seem…’ She trailed hopelessly off. Of course he wasn’t all right. How could he be? She looked at her sister in desperation.
Jessica wrapped an arm around her. ‘He’s fine. Well, as fine as he can be. He just needed some time alone,’ she assured her. ‘He’ll probably go on to the reception.’
Alicia searched her face, unconvinced.
‘Why don’t you go straight there,’ Jessica suggested. ‘People will expect to see you. It was Justin’s colleagues who paid for the buffet, after all. At least you can be there in lieu of him until he turns up. I’m sure he will, Ali.’
Alicia hesitated. She should, if only for a short while. Searching Sophie’s face worriedly, she debated her options.
‘I’ll be fine, Mum,’ Sophie said, wiping a black track of mascara sideways across her face. ‘I’d like to go to Jess’s for a few days, to be honest. You know, away from… things at the house.’
Alicia felt her heart wrench inside her. Away from reminders of Luke, she meant, which were far, far too painful for her. ‘As long as you’re sure,’ she said slowly. She couldn’t bear the thought of Sophie being on her own and hurting. How could she let her daughter out of sight of her right now?
Nodding, Sophie smiled weakly.
My beautiful daughter. She had to keep her safe. Had to.
Squeezing her hard, Alicia reluctantly let her go. Reaching to brush her hair from her face, she cupped her cheek with her hand and gently kissed her forehead. It will be all right, baby. It will be. Even as she thought it, Alicia felt the thread snagging, as if her life was already unravelling. ‘I’ll ring you,’ she promised.
‘I’ve called a taxi. Why don’t you get off before everyone starts leaving.’ Jessica suggested.