I can smell bacon cooking and I know what he's doing.
“Who’s out there with Gabe?” I ask her “I don't know, he was talking to someone in the study I think, I came straight in here, how are you feeling? If you don't want to talk, that's fine, I just need to know you’re okay, at least you’re lucid and coherent this morning, I had visions of having you committed last night”
She holds out her hand to me and I take it and squeeze “I don't even remember seeing you last night. I am trying really hard not to remember last night full stop”
“I am sorry Hun, I'm just glad your back with us”
She smiles at me before continuing “Have you had your brekkie yet? That bacon smells good, I might go and ask Gabe to make me a sanga, d’you want one?”
“I know what you’re doing Jem. I KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING GABRIEL” I shout loudly, hoping that he can hear me. He appears in the bedroom doorway holding a crispy rasher of bacon in each hand and wafts them around.
“DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN” he shouts back at me, actually managing to bring a smile to my face.
“Come here Wilde” I say to him. He walks over to the bed as Jemma walks out the door, calling behind her, “I'm going to make a sandwich, is that okay?”
“Knock yourself out” we say in unison.
“Awwwww you two are tooo cute, you really should think about hooking up”
Gabe climbs onto the bed next to me and eats one of the rashers of bacon. Offering me the other, I open my mouth like a baby bird and he quite literally shoves it in, yum, it actually tastes good “Good girl. You feeling a bit better baby?” I shrug, am I? I don't know how I feel, devastated is the only word that springs to mind.
“I'm okay as long as I don't think about it, I think last night and this morning, were just shock, I can’t believe he would do something like that, the things he said and what he did, I know this sounds wrong but I would rather he hit me than do that, I feel so humiliated, degraded, ashamed, shit Gabe, what's going to happen, are the police after him?”
“The police have him, you obviously couldn't tell them a lot last night, but we managed to get out of you that it was Jason and that he had hit you, we worked out the rest for ourselves, the police took your clothes for DNA evidence but just the fact that he stepped inside the house changes the charges. He will probably go to prison for this Lauren”
This is not what I want to hear, despite everything, I still don't have it in me to send him to prison, I know this isn't what Gabe’s going to want to hear. He raises his eyebrows and the look in his eyes lets me know he’s really not happy with what I’ve just said.
“Lauren you need to know, if the police hadn’t of got hold of him so soon, he probably wouldn't be alive this morning and it would be me locked up”
He studies my face, looking for a reaction; his jaw is so tense I can see a nerve twitching every so often “He came to our house Lauren, our home, somewhere you should be safe, he came in here and he assaulted you, have you any idea how that makes me feel? I'm barely hanging on here after watching you last night”
His lips are trembling as he tries to hold back his tears.
“I want to kill him Lauren, it’s not just words, I want him dead, I don't think I am ever going to be able to be in that man’s company. I don't think I will ever be able to move on from finding you on the floor like that” His voice falters and tears roll down his face “I thought you were dying, I thought I was fucking losing you, when I felt how wet it was everywhere, I thought it was blood, I thought he had stabbed you or shot you, I thought a million different things and that you were going to bleed to death, bleed out, right in front of me, in my arms and there was nothing I could do about it, I thought I was going to lose you and after all my promises. I don’t break promises and it was only a week or so ago that I promised you that I would look after you, that I would protect you, that I would never let him put his hands on you again. I let you down Lauren and I'm so sorry for that, I will never forgive him or myself for the fact, that I let you down”
I reach out and touch his face, he is on his knees so I climb onto his lap and straddle him, I wrap my legs and arms around him, holding him tight, he wraps his arms just as tightly around me.
“I never want that feeling again baby. Last night I witnessed what it would be like to lose you and it was nearly more than I could stand”
I look into his face, “Don’t move” I say My legs are feeling steadier as I head to the bathroom and brush my teeth. When I return, I sit back as I was before.
“What are you doing?”
“I cleaned my teeth. I want to kiss you but not with vomity morning breath”
“Lauren, I would have kissed you regardless, I love vomity morning breath, as long as it’s yours”