"No. I can be quite a mess sometimes, especially when I'm in the middle of a project, but Mr. and Mrs. Brown keep everything looking pristine."
The sun was just beginning to set when he took me to the patio. It was a whole other paradise, with lush plants, a romantic table set for two with candles and white lights strewn in the trees and vines through the latticework. Soft music played from invisible speakers.
"La Belle et La Bete," I said, remembering our talk about Philip Glass, back when Cat had been a different person.
He reached out for me and I went to him willingly. "You are the beauty to my beast," he said. "I know I'm rough around the edges, but I'm falling in love with you, Miss Travis."
My throat choked with tears. I tried to giggle them away. "Kind of forward for a first date."
"Only if you think so." He kissed me, stroking my long hair, holding me tight against him. "I want more of this."
"I think that can be arranged."
He pulled my seat out and sat across from me, then poured us each a glass of wine. "To us," he said, holding his glass out.
"To us."
I sipped my wine, enjoying the view of Boston from his porch. Mr. Brown brought out a sampling of cheeses, fruits and olives "to take the edge off".
At dinner, I ate more than my body weight of the finest food, and still managed to find room for the seven-layer chocolate cake Mrs. Brown served us afterward. "You're going to have to roll me around after this meal," I mumbled, taking another bite of the cake that would be my death if I didn't stop eating.
When nothing but crumbs remained on my plate, we moved to one of the outdoor couches and enjoyed the fire pit that glowed blue like magic, as Mr. and Mrs. Brown cleaned up and said goodnight, letting themselves out with a reminder that leftovers were in the fridge and a You should really eat a second serving, dear to me.
Ash handed me two gifts he pulled from under the couch. "Open this one first," he said, handing me the bigger one.
"What's this for?" I unwrapped quickly, and then stared at the open box.
"For your protection." He picked up the gun and cocked it. "This is a Springfield XDS 9 millimeter. It's small enough to be a useful concealed weapon but still packs enough of a punch to do some damage."
"Ash, I've never shot a gun before." But I wanted to, I realized. I wanted to a lot.
"I'm going to take you to the range and teach you, but you'll have to take a safety class and register it and get a license to carry. Right now it's in my name."
I took it from him and felt the weight of it, then aimed it at a plant. "It feels good. Not too heavy, but not too light."
He smiled. "Good. You'll become an expert in no time."
I put the gun back in its box as he handed me the next gift.
"Because I wanted you to have something just for fun as well," he said.
This box was smaller, and when I opened it I gasped. "It's beautiful." A diamond heart hung from a white gold chain.
He took the necklace out and put it on for me. "You are my heart," he said, kissing my neck.
"Thank you. For both of them."
We settled back into the couch and fell into a companionable silence as we held each other.
City lights flicked on below as the stars struggled to compete in the darkening sky, the orange, red and yellow hues of sunset fading into black as a full moon took the sun's place. For those moments, with Ash's body warm against mine, his lips brushing against my hair and his hands and arms holding me close, my fears and pains and broken memories faded, replaced by a rare peace, a slowness of time that engulfed us and made everything not us disappear.
I didn't want the moment to end—and, for a while, it didn't. We sat there, silent save for the soft music still playing and the whirl of cars as people raced home to their families or out for a night on the town.
How many of them had been touched by terror? How many knew love, real love? How many had a happy home to go back to? I imagined all the families in the city, kids safe with their parents, thinking nothing bad could ever happen to them.
I hoped they were right. I hoped nothing bad would ever touch their lives, that they would never know what it felt like to fear for your life. To see the ones you loved most in the world killed in front of you. To never know who to trust.
Ash stroked my hair and pressed his lips against the top of my head. "You look far away. And sad."
I turned into him, resting my hand on his chest. "I was just thinking. Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if just one thing, one moment, had been different? If you'd made a different choice, what would that have changed?"
He nodded, his eyes unfocused. "I do. I have." He refocused on me. "But it doesn't pay to live in the past. We'll never know what could have been different, so all we can do is move forward and make the best choices we can now."
This time I nodded and, standing in front of him, I held out my hand and chose. "You never showed me your bedroom."