The problem was, I didn’t know what I wanted. Or needed. All I knew was that I wanted to crawl out of my skin when people looked at me like I was going to crumble at any moment. Maybe because I was afraid I would crumble. That I would break apart into a million pieces and never be able to put myself back together again.
Carter appeared at my side. She looked a mess. Rumpled PJs, blurry eyes, and the hair piled on top of her head resembled a rat’s nest. I was fairly certain it had gotten into that state thanks to her husband’s ravaging. Austin loved my best friend with a ferocity that made my heart ache.
Carter slid into the chair next to mine. “Couldn’t sleep?”
I let a single shoulder rise and fall. “Sleeping’s not really my strong suit these days. Did I wake you?”
Carter gave me a sympathetic smile. The same one she’d been giving me for months. An expression that made me want to throttle her. And I loved this girl to the depths of my soul. “You didn’t really wake me. Since having Ethan, I feel like I never fully descend into sleep. I’m always half listening for sounds of baby distress.”
I inwardly cringed at my earlier frustration. My best friend had left her child at home for the first time since having him because she was worried about me. Because she wanted to take me away from any place that held memories of my mom. Needed to do something to help ease my pain.
“How is the little monster?” I asked.
A happier smile came to her face. “He’s great. I talked to my mom before bed, and it sounded like he’s enjoying being spoiled rotten by his grandparents.”
A small grin spread across my lips. “Ethan’s lucky to have them.”
Carter froze. “I didn’t mean to bring up—"
I cut her off, waving a hand in front of my face. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that he has amazing grandparents.” Would every conversation from now on be a careful traverse of a minefield?
I took another deep breath, letting the smell of the surrounding pine trees calm me. “I really love it here.”
Carter’s eyes scanned the fields that turned into vast forest. “I’m so glad. I do, too. There’s something really special about it.”
I smiled to myself. “There’s a peacefulness I’ve never experienced before. Something about the sound of the water and the smell of the air. I feel like I can breathe here.”
Carter chuckled. “Well, compared to home, the air is just a little fresher.”
Carter and I had met in Los Angeles as teachers working in the Teach For Our Youth program. We had bonded quickly, and soon became roommates. But when my mom got sick, I’d had to return to Texas to take care of her. And I never made it back to LA. It just wasn’t home anymore.
An idea flickered in my mind. It was crazy, but maybe that was exactly what I needed.
The smells of bacon frying and freshly baking biscuits tickled my nose as I took in Carter at the stove. “Can I do anything?” I asked.
Carter bit the corner of her lip. “Ummm, why don’t you help Liam set the table.”
“Sure thing.”
I headed into the dining room to find Liam with a stack of dishes and cutlery. “Here, let me help,” I said, reaching for the pile of forks and knives.
“She wouldn’t let you touch anything that was cooking, would she?” Liam said with a chuckle.
“Oh, shut up. So, cooking isn’t my strong suit.” That was the world’s biggest understatement. My mom used to swear I could burn water. No matter how often she tried to school me in her culinary ways, I was a hopeless student. A pang hit my sternum. She would never have the chance to remedy that, to see me finally master her famous mashed potatoes or decadent lemon meringue pie.
These types of twinges came often, brought on by something different each time and taking me by surprise more often than not. It always felt like my heart was being squeezed by an unrelenting fist. The constriction would tug on all the surrounding strands of connective tissue, sending zaps of pain throughout my body until I finally pushed the memory from my mind.
Liam threw an arm around my shoulders. “Good thing you can order takeout with the best of them.”
I shook off the phantom spasm and forced a smirk to my lips. “Like you’re any better? You eat half your dinners at Carter and Austin’s, and you have a personal chef. Spoiled rotten, I swear.”
“What are you two bickering about now?” Austin’s voice called from the other room.
I turned to see his large fighter’s frame filling the doorway. “I’m just trying to keep Liam honest.”
Austin let out a snort. “Good luck with that. At least you’ve got his over-indulged rock star-self setting the table.”
“Hey!” Liam said, his face the picture of affront. “I’ll have you know, I washed dishes last night.”
Placing a hand over my heart, I gasped. “No. Dishes? Did you break a nail?”
Liam set his stack of plates down with a rattle and darted for me. “These hands could be insured for millions.” It was probably true. Over the past few years, Liam had become a Billboard Top 100 sensation. He’d created some sort of hybrid between Southern rock and country, dominating both markets, and raking in the cash.
I laughed, spinning in place and extending a butter knife in Liam’s direction to stop his attempted assault. “Okay, okay, you are the most famous, talented, handsome boy in all the land. Happy now?”
“That’s a little bit better...” He sniffed.
I rolled my eyes at Austin, who only grinned.
We finished setting the table, and then it was time to inhale whatever Carter had cooked up in the kitchen. All talking ceased, and the only sounds were those of forks and knives against plates.
I took a sip of my OJ, steeling my nerves. I cleared my throat, and three sets of eyes turned my way. “So…I think I’m going to stay in Sutter Lake.”
Carter’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean? Like, extend your trip?”