~~~
After that incident with Jakob, I didn’t see him for a very long time. I didn’t see him until my life took an entirely different direction. I didn’t see him until after I fell in love.
The following Spring, when the cool winds swept in from warming climates and pushed the snow away, Frederick announced he was leaving the company. I knew Lisbeth was concerned at his departure because even though he was a pain to work with, his name did draw in the crowds. Everyone else was overjoyed, including me and even Lisbeth admitted it would be good to have some fresh, younger blood in the company. Because Frederick was at least ten years older than Anne, their pairings on stage were always a bit off.
One day I came into work for an impromptu meeting with the cast and crew. Lisbeth had settled on a more-or-less unknown actor by the name of Ludwig Ericsson. I was unprepared for the sight before my eyes.
Ludwig was tall, well over six-feet, with shiny honey-colored hair that dazzled under the lights. His skin was a smooth, tan-color that was only a shade lighter than his hair. Against the glow, his teeth shone white and his eyes were a beautiful clear blue.
I was speechless and could only smile like a fool when he shook my hand. His skin on mine made my nerves jump inside and it felt like we were the only people in the room. Of course, we were surrounded by everyone else in the theatre and he had to introduce himself to all of them. Still, it sounds silly now, but I felt his attention, even when he wasn’t looking at me. Something had just happened between us and I couldn’t quite articulate it.
Anne did though. Anne knew men like the back of her hand and she was always with a different one. Some of our friends would call Anne a “loose woman” behind her back, but I lived with her and I never saw any of her male friends stay the night (although she would sometimes stay out until the wee hours). Besides, it didn’t matter what Anne did as long as she was happy and I was more than happy to talk about Ludwig when she brought him up later that night. I wanted her expertise and advice for this new endeavor.
“He likes you,” she said with a smirk as she piled some boiled dill potatoes onto my plate. It was a late dinner, as was usually the case for us. The balcony door was open a little, shuffling a bit of cool air into the apartment but I felt all warm inside. The brandy I was slowly swilling also helped.
I blushed. I couldn’t help myself.
“Who?” I asked more coy than I normally dared.
“You know who. Ludie.”
I raised a brow. “Is that his name?”
“Ludwig is a horrible name,” she said between bites. “So Ludie it is. And you know he fancies you. I saw the way he held your eyes earlier.”
I brushed it off, not wanting to get my hopes up. I had noticed though, the way he kept looking at me throughout the night and was giddy that she had noticed it too.
“Well I am sure I just reminded him of someone.”
“Yes. A beautiful young woman. You be sure to watch out for him.”
Now I felt a bit concerned. “Watch out?”
She winked at me. “You might fall in love, Pippa.”
And I did. I think I was in love with him the moment his hand grasped mine. All these years later and I still feel that way. Some love doesn’t die, even when you do.
Naturally, I was not sure what Ludie really thought of me. Our first time together was fraught with nerves and embarrassment on my behalf.
It was before the rehearsal of Hamlet and the cast had to be in costume, which meant I was dressing them up and doing a light dusting of makeup.
I was as anxious as anything when I knocked on Ludie’s dressing room door. He and Anne were the only ones with private ones, while everyone else shared the men’s and women’s rooms. I probably would have preferred to have done him up in a more public setting as the idea of being alone with him was nerve-wracking but that was not the case.
“Come in,” he said. His voice was deep and rich and carried through the door with ease. The placard on the front still said Frederick. I was surprised he hadn’t taken it with him when he traded us in for a larger, more prestigious theatre deeper into the city.
I took in a deep breath and pushed my hair behind my ears. I had paid extra attention to my face that morning, making sure my lipstick was on neatly and not half off my lips as usual. I knew I wasn’t bad to look at and that I often had the attention of young men, but there had never really been any reason for me to look good. I had kept my head down and focused on work until I met the one man who made me focus on him.
I opened the door and stood awkwardly in the doorway until Ludie turned in his seat and grinned. Amazing how the parting of teeth and lips and the scrunching of eyes can act like a wave. It welcomed me and made me blush from the tops of my head to my toes. Oh, I was certainly a goner.
“Pippa,” he said warmly, keeping his eyes locked on mine.
I looked away as I closed the door gently behind me, feeling quite unnerved and hot. My chest began to steam under my dress. I kept my eyes on the floor, feeling scrutinized like a bug under a microscope as I walked over to him. I purposely wore flat shoes that day, not wanting to add extra height to me, even though he was much taller, but that did not prevent me from wobbling like a drunkard.
I stopped beside him and looked into the mirror across from us, lit up by high wattage bulbs. It felt safer to look at him there, direct but indirect.
My, how his face belonged there, framed by the lights. Never you mind my pale one with my dark hair, how I contrasted horribly with him. He was such a delight to look at. He knew it too, I could see the way he lifted his chin as if he was used to being admired so.
“So,” he began, then smiled again instead of saying anything.
I knew I had to start talking even though my tongue was tied.
“I’m just going to put some powder on your face,” I said, sounding unintelligent and completely young.
“You’re not going to put me in my clothes first?” he asked. “What if you decide the green robe would better go with green shadow on my eyes?”
“Oh, you’re right,” I said stupidly even though he was joking. I put my makeup kit down on the counter and made my way to the racks where I had put his costume the other day. I had his measurements given to me, but this would be the only time he’d be fitted.
Fitting men in costume wasn’t something I particularly minded (with the exception of Frederick) but now I felt uncomfortable, not professional by any means. I was very much reminded that he was a man and I was a woman.
Ludie, however, gave no hint of anything except unending ease and charm. I took in another deep breath and brought his Prince Hamlet costume off of the rack and walked it over to him.
“Here you go,” I told him. I held it up and he eyed it carefully.
“You won’t help me?” I searched his face for sincerity and found none.
“How old are you?” I asked.
He finally looked surprised about something. “I’m 25-years old. Why?”
“Well, then I guess you know how to dress yourself.”
I placed the costume in his hands and headed for the door.
“Call me when you are properly attired,” I said and stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind me.
I let out the breath I was holding and shook out my arms and legs. He was already doing a number on me. Still, I showed him I wasn’t going to fall for any lothario type advances. This was my job and I had to treat it as such.
That didn’t stop me from grinning to myself until I heard him call me back in.
He looked rather ridiculous in the costume. It was all green. The velvet robe, the high-waisted pants, the shirt. Even the pointy shoes.
“How is it?” he asked as he eyed himself suspiciously in the mirror.
“You look like a tree,” the words escaped my lips.
I thought he would take offense to that. If it had been Frederick, I would have never heard the end of it and he would have probably demanded some other woman work on him, one who didn’t compare him to plants. But Ludie wasn’t like that.
Ludie laughed. It was loud and calming at the same time. Uninhibited.
“You’re quite right Pippa, I do look like a tree,” he twirled around so we could get the full effect of the cape. He paused and pondered his reflection. “But what kind of tree? That is the most important question. What kind of tree would Hamlet be…or not to be?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his corny joke. “That is the question.”
After that, things got easier between us. I should say it got easier after I poked him in the eye with my makeup brush. I felt so terrible about it but Ludie said the only way he wouldn’t tell Lisbeth that the makeup artist tried to blind him was if I agreed to go out for dinner with him the next night, before the round of shows began.
You know I said yes.
I won’t go into too much detail for the sake of you both. I know the last things you want to hear about are the sordid thoughts and actions of this woman in love. Yet, I also want you to understand just what Ludie did to me – and why our affair would affect me for the rest my life.