“This?” she said, touching a white head bandage. “It’s better, I think. Gustav says I should rest a few days, but I could do that in Marienstrasse, no?”
“You could also go to Elsbeth. Then Erich. I can still get you a plane out.”
“Oh, again with that.”
“It would be better for you.”
“What’s wrong? Your face. They found him, Sasha?”
“No. They’re not going to. I’m taking care of it. You’ll never have to worry about that. It’s safe. It would just be better in the West, that’s all. Easier.”
“What do you mean, you’re taking care of it?”
“I don’t have time to explain. It never happened. You don’t know anything. You never did. Okay?”
“And Elsbeth’s name?”
“Just a precaution. If they checked the hospitals. After the accident. And your name popped up—”
“The accident.”
“That’s what they’re calling it. You don’t know anything about that either.”
He waited for a moment.
“I’m going to be on the radio tomorrow.”
“Like Erich?”
“Yes. Just like Erich. So I have to leave. I’ve come to say good-bye.”
“Good-bye?” she said faintly, almost dazed. “You’re leaving? Where? Frankfurt?”
“No, I’m going back.”
“Back where? You can’t go back.”
“I can now. I made an arrangement.”
“Clever Alex,” she said. “Always—” She looked up. “You mean you’re leaving me.”
“I have a child. I don’t want him to grow up without me. That’s all that matters now.”
“That’s all? Not us?”
He sat on the bed, putting a hand up to her face. “Us. There is no us. It was just an idea you had.”
“I don’t believe you. It’s not the child. It’s something else.”
“No, it’s him. It’s what I came to Berlin for—to go back.”
“What does that mean? You’re not making sense.”
“I know. Never mind. I have to go. I can’t stay in Berlin.”
“But why?” she said, her voice rising, a kind of wail. “You never said—”
“The people who were following us last night were following me. Not you. You’re safe, but I’m not. I have to go.”
“But what about me? What will I do?”
“Go to Elsbeth.”
“Oh, Elsbeth. This stupid jacket,” she said, taking it off. “You’re leaving me and I’m in this ridiculous jacket. In bed. No,” she said, getting out. “I can stand. Tell me standing up. This is what you came to say? You’re leaving me? I thought you loved me.”
“I do,” he said softly. “But I can see you better now. All of you. Erich. Elsbeth. You. Before I just saw what I wanted to see.”
“Oh,” she said, flailing, clutching the bed jacket. “See me better. What does Erich have to do with anything? Elsbeth. I don’t understand—”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“What question?” she said, distracted, a kind of pout.
“When you told them things, did you tell them about me?”
“What?”
“It’s important to me. To know. I don’t blame you. I just want to know.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You should have gone with Erich. And I should have known then. You weren’t scared enough. You should have been. I was. But you weren’t afraid to stay. I thought it was the usual von Bernuth foolishness. Nothing can touch us. But it wasn’t just that. You still felt protected. Even with Sasha gone. Did it start with him? Or before? Of course, he wouldn’t just sleep with you. He’d ask you things. Nothing special. DEFA, probably. Did you report on DEFA? Tell them what people were saying? Fritsch? Which doesn’t matter much, until somebody doesn’t turn up for work.”
“Stop this,” she said, shoulders back now, standing still.
“And then I came. Somebody from the West. They’d want to know everything. What I did, what I said. And you were in such a good position to help. Maybe that’s what Leon was doing the night I came to the flat. Just getting a report. Be nice to think that’s all it was since we’d just— But probably one thing led to another. You’d want to keep the DEFA job safe. With Sasha gone. And once you start something like this, they never go away. There’s always somebody.”
“That’s why you’re leaving? Because you think this?”
“I know how it is. When I saw Roberta, I thought yes, just like that. A coffee, checking in. That’s how it’s done. But not with Markus. Maybe that’s why he’s so angry with you—I’ll have to ask him. He couldn’t get to you, you were already in another league, with the Russians. No wonder Markovsky was so upset when he found out about Erich. Lying to him. You expect better from a source. Especially one you’re sleeping with. Feels like she’s cheating on you. An insult.”
“Stop it.”
“And after? I kept thinking they were going to haul you in for some serious questioning, but no. They never seemed to suspect you. Why would they? You were still cooperating, still one of them. In a small way, maybe, but they’d look after you. A kind of protection racket. How else to get along?”
“Alex, please.”
“I don’t care why you did it. All the usual, what else? Maybe they forced you. They don’t give you much choice. I know how it works.”
“Oh, you know,” she said, eyes flashing. “You think you know.”
“But if you stay here, they’ll never leave you alone. That’s why I thought the West—” He looked up. “Did you? Did you tell them anything about me? It’s important to me to know.”
“Why?” she said, turning her back to him, walking, then back, pacing in a cage. “So you can hate me?”
He took her by the arms. “Did you? Please. Tell me.”
“Nothing. Unimportant things,” she said, wrenching away from him. “That’s all. Unimportant things. They don’t care. Anything. They just like to collect—”
“I know. They asked me about Aaron. Unimportant things.”
“You think I wanted to make trouble for you?”
“No.”
“No. It was just, what does he say? Does he like it here? Unimportant things. So, yes, he likes it here. What’s the harm in that? All good things, what they like. They respect you. You have a position here.”