Chapter 2 - Dreams Again
TheLight looked at the Abyss and was apprehensive about moving into theAbyss, but curiosity soon overcame this apprehension; and the Lightmoved through the Barrier and into the Abyss. At first there wasnothing, the Light was even barely aware of its own presence. Thiswas more than the darkness of night, it was much more. There was atotal lack of anything, no sound or smell or taste. There wasnothing and when the Light was suddenly aware again of its presenceamongst the vast empty infinite nothing that was all around. Itsapprehension grew once more, but this was not caused by the fear orworry of something happening to the Light, as a prey animal might beof its predator; or the fear one might experience while walking downa dark or unfamiliar road in the dead of night of. This was growinginto the panic that one might experience when the usual sensoryinputs of sight, sound and smell are absent and one cannot feel theground beneath ones feet and of feeling utterly alone in an infiniteuniverse, like when you wake in the middle of the night not knowingwho or where you are.
Almosttotally conscious now, the Light looked around itself and still therewas only the all embrace nothing surrounding it. The Light reachedout and tried to feel for anything nearby, but there was nothing, andthis there was no failing of the Lights vision or other senses. Thiswas just what it seemed to be, a total lack of everything. There wasnot light anyway except for that which emanated from the Light’sown being.
Thereseemed to be no time here either, as the Light could feel no passingmoments, but then there was nothing to measure time against. Noticking of a second hand of a clocking or other timepiece, no beatingheart and no visual clues like the rising of the sun or movement ofbeings. Even the Light’sthoughts were frozen in this everlasting moment, not even the anxiousthoughts of a would be victim to keep seconds ticking away. Therewas only the Light and the Light’sawareness of itself.
Itdid not have any idea of identity or personality, or even species,just an awareness of self with all conscious thoughts very frozen inplace. The Light knew it was there and that had once had all thetrappings of self and ego that go with a thinking feeling sentientbeing, but these were now all lost to the Light. No hope or sorrowor dreams or wants or thoughts of the future or of things that may beor could be. Just a long lingering knowledge of self. As the Lightlooked down at itself it couldn’t see any appendages or otherphysiological components of body, just a blinding and overwhelminglight. Overwhelming that is compared to the utter lack of anythingthat surrounds the Light.
Therewas no temperature hot or cold, no movement of wind or atmosphere ofany kind. The Light wasn’t even aware if it were breathing orwhether required the intake of respiratory gases to continue itsexistence.
Thenout of nowhere what looked like hooks flew at the Light and cut intothe Lights body causing the first sensory input, other than the lightthat emanated from itself, that the Light had had in an unknownlength of time. This was sheer, white hot pain shooting through theLight’s entire sphere ofawareness and lasted for as long the Light knew. When the initialpain subsided the hooks were pulled back toward the direction theyhad come, but did not release themselves from the Light. This causedthe Light to be torn in a dozen different directions all at once andwas ripped apart. The Light did not know how it could it still beaware of these sensations as it was torn into many parts, but it knewand it felt it screamed with the ear splitting noise of someterrifying creature of mythology in the night. And in thenothingness of the Abyss there was no sound and no one to hear it,except of course the Light…..
In another part ofexistence, in one of the many dimensions and vibration densities thatmake up the universe a woman sat bolt upright in bed, cold clammysweat dripping down her pale face and into her eyes. Her hair wasequally soaking in sweat, as her awareness changed from that of thedream she had just experienced to the room in which she hadexperiencing it. The room slowly came into sharp focus around herand she could see the cold white walls and realization of where shewas came flooding back into her conscious mind.
Shewas of course in a room in the medical center on Terra Alpha, thecommand and administrative center of Man’scolony on Mars. Seconds after this revelation, and moments before afamiliar man in a medical uniform came rushing into the room, thefull knowledge of her current situation came flooding back. As faras she could tell her name was Sarah McKenzie and she was, currently,a patient here having been found floating in some kind of escape podor similar craft. Beyond that she did not know, and ever since shehad woken to find herself here she had been having dreams like theone that had just woken her suddenly, and like all the others shecouldn’t`t remember a thing about them.
Probablyfor the best, Sarah thought, as Dr Dixon, his name now known to herwhen it hadn’t been a few seconds beforeentered to room. Oblivious in response to some primeval scream shehad just let out in response to whatever terrors invaded her sleepingmind.
“Samedream?” The doctor said in his usual calmand all too reassuring manner.
Sarahsimply nodded and tried to regain her composure as didn’twant to let on just how much of an affect thesenightmares had been having an effect on her in case they deemed itnecessary to put into some unnatural drug induced sleep. When shefelt composed enough she sat up in her bed, feeling the hard butreassuring headboard behind her soft pillow.
“Doyou remember anything this time?” Againhe asked the answerable.
“No,nothing at all. Except…” Sarah pausedsearching for the right word or phrase that eluded her just as anymemory of her past before waking up her eluded her. “..Nothing,sorry but I can’t remember anything aboutit, just like the others.” She eventuallyfinished.
DrDixon, despite the frantic recent preparations, was intrigued by thisenigma sitting before him. Just as many doctors and physicians hadbeen intrigued and puzzled by the many cases of amnesia that had musthave occurred over the very many centuries of human experience, Here, like many cases before, he was presented with a woman who had,with little or no sign of brain damage, almost zero recollection ofany previous life experience. While some of the EEG and other brainscans had offered some unusual readings, there were no signs oftrauma or injury to the areas of the brain that controlled memory. There were no signs of dementia nor of Alzheimer’sor other brain wasting diseases, and he had ruled most of these outas there were no signs of any kind of loss of motor function that wasusually associated with these. And her short term memory seemedperfectly normal, except for her inability to recall any detail ofthese dreams but then this wasn’t in itself abnormal.
Therewasn’t a great deal Dr Dixon could do in this situation except hopethat Sarah’s memory would come back toher slowly and in time. Maybe, he mused, that these dreams were hermemories trying to force their back into her conscious mind andperhaps they were too painful or unpleasant for Sarah and so shesuppressed them even more. If this were the case, then at some pointSarah would have to face whatever it was that she was running fromand this would inevitably cause her great discomfort when the timecame. He didn’t think that this was the time to force her to facesuch painful memories as there had already been a great deal for herto take in and there would be even more to come soon enough.
Asmost of the medical center had already been packed or already movedready for their departure and most of the other patients had eitherbeen discharged or moved to other facilities. Therefore Sarah had atleast the majority of this floor to herself and perhaps the entirehospital and Dr Dixon was certainly of the opinion that it would begood for her to become more active. There certainly was no medicalreason at this point why this could not be the case and Sarah wouldnot bother any other patients, as there were none, nor would she putherself or others at risk by wondering around at least this floor ofthe facility. It certainly would do her good to get out of bed andwalk around a bit. Soon enough she would be well enough to bedischarged herself and quarters would have to be found for her atTerra Alpha, at least until it was decided what was going to be donewith her. Commander de Benedict had also mentioned that he wouldlike to be able to show her around and would talk to her about theircurrent situation, when time allowed of course.
Aftera short pause during which Dr Dixon checked her vital signs andenquired after her, he then said that some clothes had been left inthe closet for her. He also mentioned where most of the facilitieswere and where she could shower. “Andplease let me know if you remember anything at all”He then made his excuses and turned to leave.
Aloneagain, Sarah thought wondering if they were just going to leave herhere with the odd visit like some oddity that had lost its curiosityfactor. Just as this thought entered her head she told herself notto be silly as they obliviously had bigger things to worry aboutother than this recently arrived woman with no past, well that shecould recall anyway. Sarah then sank back down into the bed anddozed off, feeling far more relaxed, but not all that less anxiousthan when she had awoken.
Sometimes,between life and death, souls get lost crossing the many dimensionsthat exist outside of the normal perception of human beings or theyget trapped trying to cling onto the memory of their mortal life. The former usually occurs when there are no guides to escort a humansoul from this world to their ultimate destination and, since theyhave no real experience they mistake one of these many realms for thepromised after life of either heaven or hell. Sometimes they aremisdirected by mischievous beings that pass themselves off asexpected guides like St Peter or the Archangel Gabriel and deliberatelead the dazed and confused recently departed soul for no otherreason except to make mischief. However, there are times when thesesouls are deliberately lead by the minions of evil beings that seeknew comers to torment and the newly departed assume these realitiesof suffering and torment are the rewards for their misspent lives orthat their lives haven’tbeen sufficiently virtuous to desire to be allowed into heaven.
Inhis Divine Comedy, Dante envisaged that hell had many levels thedeeper one moved through it one would find ever increasingly wretchedpeople being punished and tormented for the evils and sins commentedin their mortal lives. In one sense Dante was right, in that thereare many different ‘levels’to hell, whose tortures are worse than the one before, but these aremore like differing dimensions that coexist with ours in the samespace time. What Dante didn’t envisage was the fact that anyonecould get trapped anyone of these hell dimensions regardless of thevirtuousness of their mortal lives and he didn’t foresee the worstof these hell dimensions. For which there may be any names thatunknowingly capture the true nature of this place, but which havebeen used unwittingly by many people of the centuries. Limbo,probably being the best known of these names.
Forsome ancient non terrestrial species who had evolved to the pointwhere they could leave their physical forms and travel, at leasttemporarily, through some of these dimensions there was but one namethat they knew place by and it struck fear into each and every one ofthem. For some of those live in these other state of existence thereis but one name for this unholy of unholy places and both these arethe same. In English the closest thing we can know to this mostunmentionable of names is the Abyss.
TheLight did not know whether it had lived a virtuous life nor did itknow whether it had committed some terrible evil that had meant thatit deserved to have found itself in the Abyss, nor did it know howlong it had been there. The Abyss is a place where there is nothing,no light, no passing of time, hope no despair. Just everlastingnothing. There was nothing but the Light and the Abyss and oneconsumed the other completely. Over and over the Light was tornapart and, each time the Light found itself whole again. Each timethe Light found itself reconstituted it had no memory of the detailsof the previous torture or torment, just that it had happened and theexcruciating agony filled the Lights awareness totally.
Millenniaor even eons may have passed since the Light entered the Abyss andthe Light would not have noticed, equally it may have been only a fewseconds, a mere heartbeat even since the Light had existed outside ofthe Abyss. There was no way out for the Light and no way to escapeto unending tortures of this unforgiving Purgatory. There was noteven a sign of where the Light had entered this unending nothingness,nor even if there had ever been any other tortured souls who hadsuffered here. Despite this the Light knew that had been others,that there were probably still countless others who suffered here andthere would be infinite numbers of those who would enter this placenever to leave it again.
Fromtime to time another voice did punctuate the agony and scream itselfinside the Light’s mind,but the times when this idea was clear enough to penetrate toeverlasting pain that dominated the Light’sconsciousness and form itself into a coherent set of thought patternsthat resembled any remote kind of language. All too often though itlasted less than a nanosecond and was gone, swamped by the returningtorment that the Abyss seemed to all too much enjoy loosing upon itsvictims. When it could the Light tried to project this idea out ofthe Abyss so that others may receive and understand it; and avoid theLight’s current fate. Butthe Light had no idea whether it had been successful in sending thisidea beyond the infinite boundaries of this void or even if it hadsucceeded whether someone out there had received and understood. TheLight was never aware of meeting another soul living or dead while itwas in the Abyss.
Sarahwoke a couple of hours later and felt rested, more rested than shehad done since she had first awoken here. Not hearing any voices orother telltale signs of movement she sungherself over the edge of the bed and stood up. Well she tried tostand up, but her barely used legs betrayed her and soon enough shewas sitting on the edge of the bed again. Wondering if she couldtrade in her legs for a new pair. One careful owner, barely used sheamused herself with the thought. After a couple of minutes, whichmight well, have been a couple of hours for all the difference itwould have made, she tried to stand again and this time used the edgeof the bed balance herself. When she felt a little steadier she letgo of the bed and stood up straight. Not perfect, Sarah thought, butthen at least she was on her feet now.
Unsteadilyshe looked around the room for the closet and quickly noticed that itwas on the left had side of the bed, between it and the wall, as shehad been lying. Sarah then inched her way towards using first thebed and then the head board to make sure she didn’t fall over. When she reached the closet the door slid open fairly easily and acouple of fairly nondescript grayish/green jackets hanging on therail. Below this there was a chest of drawers and she opened the topdrawer to find rather uninspiring grey/green t-shirt type tops. Onseeing these her first thought was that fashion must have seriousgone done hill while she had been away and her second thought wasthat she had no recollection of what fashions had previously beenlike anyway, which rather negated her first thought.
Sarahtook of the t-shirts, laid it out on the bed and then pulled open thenext drawer down. This contained a similar number of equallyuninspiring trousers like garments of a similar military style dourcolor. This time she went for pot luck and pulled one of them outform the middle of the pile; and was rather disappointed , if notwholly unsurprised, to find a pair not unlike the top of trousers. These she then laid out below the t-shirt to see how they wenttogether. Green/grey with grey/green, she mused to herself; well Iguess I can pull that off. Not really having much choice she changedfrom the medical gown she had been wearing and into the green/grey orrather grey green outfit she had set for herself. When Sarah lookedat herself in the mirror, she wonder if all of humanity had evolvedto enjoy this rather nondescript clothing or if it had been providedto her because there simply wasn’t anything else available, whichbrought her back to her first thought.
Notbeing too disheartened at the choice of clothing available to her, orrather Sarah had decided to take a pragmatic view that one had tomake do in such circumstances, she made for the door. Dr Dixonhadn’t mentioned that she be confined toquarters as it were and in fact he had encouraged to get out andabout. When the door opened and Sarah looked out of the door and sawa very bland corridor that stretched to the right and to the left. To the right there was nothing but a deadened of a wall, to the leftthere wasn’t much more except that it looked from her vantage pointthat it formed a junction with another corridor. Utilizing the samepragmatic view she had down with her clothes, she turned to the rightand headed for the other corridor and the promise that it held.
AsSarah walked down the corridor she could now make that there were anumber of doors which alternated on each side of the corridor. These, she reasoned would open to reveal similar rooms to her andthat had once been occupied, but were now empty. She tried a coupleof these doors but both were locked and so she moved on. When shereached the end of the corridor she had a similar choice as beforeand she decided to again turn left and head away from the dead endthat was on her right. On the opposite wall of this corridor therewere three elevators that would presumable allow people access toother floors of the medical center and to the main reception area.
Sarahthought for a moment about trying one of these, but decided againstit as she wanted to see who or what else was on her floor. Thecorridor again ended in a junction and as she turned left this timeshe saw what must have been the main nurses’ station or office forthe level, but now was deserted and there were even spaces left wherecomputer terminals and been. This brought about a moment of almostcomplete panic as Sarah suddenly had the thought that she was theonly one left in the world and the almost utter silence, except forthe occasional hiss of flowing electrical current, seemed to confirmthis. Again she had the thought that this was a huge improvement ofthe dark nothingness that she could remember be vaguely conscious ofbefore awaking here. Then she remembered that someone, almostcertainly Dr Dixon, had mentioned that people and equipment had beenmostly moved out of the center ready for some impending evacuation,but hadn’t said much more than that.
Insidethe office type area Sarah was able to look out of a window and couldjust make out a few people coming and going; and generally goingabout their business. Part of her instantly wanted to shout out tothem ‘Hey, up here look at me’but it wouldn’t have made much difference as the window looked asthough it had had been sealed shut, probably to prevent patients fromescaping she thought. Not something that filled her full ofconfidence and for the first time Sarah wondered if this were amedical center at all or some kind of psychiatric institution andthat they had judged that she were insane. Then Sarah remembered allthose screams and shouts she had heard, and this almost confirmed herworst fears at that moment. But then her reasoning center kicked andshe remembered that those screams had been hers and had not beenheard by her in a waking state but in the worst and deepest of herdreams.
Momentarilythis did nothing to allay her fears as it seemed to reinforce herbelief at this time that she had been locked away in some disusedinsane asylum never to see the light of day again. That also broughtto the fore front of her mind some very interesting questions.Specifically when exactly she that is what was the date and year asno one had mentioned either to her since her arrival. Nor did sheknow, due to her amnesia, what date or year she had come from. Thatis was this very far in her future or was it was just a few years oreven months since whatever it was happened that had caused her tolose her memory in the first place. The second question, one whichshe had pondered over a couple of times previously, was if the memoryloss hadn’t been caused by some physicaltrauma like a blow to the head, then had it been caused by sometraumatic event that was far too painful for her to remember? Oneobvious possibility was that she had done something so terrible thatshe had blocked out all recollection of it completely or thatsomething really bad had happened that had had the same effect.
Thesethoughts didn’t exactly disturb her, it was just the not knowingthat bothered Sarah, and the occasion flash of instinct knowledgethat suddenly came to her. The other thing that really bothered herwas the dreams and while she was not able to remember the details,the overall impression she got was that they were about somethingthat may have been bad enough for her to bloke out completely. Possibly then the subconscious trying to remember what the consciousmind did not want to, whatever the truth of the matter eventually itwould come to her. Still she decided that this was not the time forsuch things and if she were confined to some kind of space age loonybin then so be it and she would face that when the time was right. For now she just wanted to see what her immediate surroundings werelike and more importantly give herself a break from her room.
IfSarah were honest with herself then the floor she was on was not muchto write home about, in fact it was mostly what had expected. Inthat there were a few general wards like areas with beds still laidout in such a fashion that would give each patient a modicum of spaceand each of the beds were mostly just frames with the mattresses andeverything removed. This only went to reinforce that it had beenstripped ready for the general populace to move out. There were noother patients that she could and while she could see out of thewindows there were not all that many people moving about on thestreets below. Sarah did feel rather relieved that she wasn’t theonly person alive in this place, but it would have been nice forsomeone to talk to as the orderly types who had brought her foodweren’t all that talkative and even Dr Dixon didn’t seem to havemuch time to be sociable. Even a grilling from the focusedCommander de Benedict would have been a change from the quiet andloneliness she felt at this point in time.
Ofcourse there was still one possibility that nagged at the back of hermind, which was that she was till unconscious and either dreamingthis or suffering from some kind of hallucinating that made no senseto her what so ever. She mulled over this latest thought as shelooked out of one of the windows and watched the tiny people wonderby. Surely if this were all in her head then there would havesomething more to it, or rather she would be experiencing more eventsand interacting with more people. After all a hallucination or dreamwhere one stood dreamily staring out of a window wishing somethingwould happen made less sense to her than anything else that hadpopped into and out of her mind recently. It was then that sheeffectively tuned out and tried to drift her conscious thoughts backto before she woke here in what she had been told was a place calledTerra Alpha. ‘What sort of name isthat?‘ which was the last thought Sarahremembered having in what she assumed was the here and now, beforeher mind drifted away into the blackness of before and tried to dragto the surface what her memories of before.