Nicole sat in the creaky rocking chair on Buck’s front porch, huddled under a thick blanket and cupping a warm thermos of hot chocolate between her hands. It was the powder kind she’d heated in water and wasn’t as good as the from-scratch hot cocoa Link had bought her at the coffee shop yesterday, but at least it was warm. For the tenth time, at least, she lifted her fingertips to her lips and remembered the kiss, the way he tasted and the way his mouth had moved so easily against hers. The way they had fit together, as if they’d kissed a hundred times before. She’d never had a kiss give her such a breathless feeling. It was one of those moments she would remember for always, and compare every kiss that followed.
Voices in his head or no, she had it bad for Lincoln McCall.
Her feelings she could explain. He was confident, strong, and kind with the right amount of rough edges—exactly her type, though she’d never met another man like him. What she didn’t understand was how he’d lifted that man off his feet yesterday or how he’d shoved him against the truck so hard the tires lifted off the snow. Oh, she’d witnessed his incredible strength, and she had enough confidence in herself that she hadn’t questioned what her eyes had seen.
Link had an edge of danger to him, and while her old self would’ve run from such a risky man, her Alaskan self found beauty in dangerous places. Like Buck’s land, for example. Day one here, she’d wondered why Buck would settle in such a crap-hole. But now, looking out into the vast, untamed, evergreen wilderness that surrounded the cabin, she suddenly felt very small and insignificant. She was an observer to the artistry that Mother Nature was constantly creating here, and as strange as it sounded, she liked the feeling that she’d been invited here to behold such wild beauty.
In Mission, much had been expected of her. Social engagements, charity events, and parties, and over the years, they’d begun to blend together. Each outing made her feel just as dead inside as the one before. Josey and Jeremy, her siblings—or as she’d recently found out, half-siblings—were naturals at schmoozing and charming the masses. Old money or new, it didn’t matter to them. They were friendly and jovial and said everything right at the proper time. They had amassed a following of devoted friends, but the cynical side of Nicole had always wondered, if the money disappeared, which ones would stick around? She was sadly suspicious that none of them would be the answer. And so, the older she’d gotten, the more she’d kept to herself. She’d withdrawn from the conversations everyone found so important. The ones that revolved around money, wealth, investments, success. Ego-strokers, the lot of them, and eventually, she’d yearned for someone to talk to her about something real.
Party after party, she found herself alone, out on terraces or in perfectly manicured yards, on old-fashioned balconies or garden benches, desperate to escape the stuffy confines of the massive mansions Mom and Stepdad were always invited to. Or rather, she supposed she should call Stepdad by his real name now. Roger. He’d made it clear he wanted nothing to do with her anymore.
Her stomach tightened just thinking about the day he’d told her she wasn’t his daughter. Her entire view of her life had been demolished in an instant. Not only was he not her real dad, but the man she’d grown up with now wanted nothing to do with her. For the rest of her life, she would be haunted by that conversation. She’d sought answers and apologies from Mom immediately, but she hadn’t given Nicole any such thing. It had been Aunt Rita who had called her with information on Buck when it got out that Nicole knew Roger wasn’t her real dad. And then to find out her real dad had died a year ago? Blow after blow, and she couldn’t talk about it with anyone. Her half-siblings didn’t understand. Her friends distanced themselves and made her feel like a bastard, which was ridiculous. Yeah, she got that society was all-important to those people, but this was modern times, not the eighteenth century where she would’ve been shunned. Mom had always been shit at consoling, so she couldn’t go to her with her feelings.
Nicole had done research and found out the bank was selling Buck’s cabin. It was cheap, and she was grasping for something to hold onto after being drowned in all the family secrets and lies. She bought it on the off chance that maybe she could feel like herself again someday.
In desperation to ease the pain, she wondered if Buck would have found a relationship with her so repulsive.