Wickedly Ever After: A Baba Yaga Novella

Once back at the house they sat down over milk and cookies for a counsel of war. Or at the very least, a counsel of “What the heck do we do now?”


“How on earth can we possibly catch the song of the ocean in a bottle?” Liam asked glumly. “I mean, does the ocean even have a song? And if it does, how would you catch it?”

“Hmmm . . .” Barbara said, biting the head off a gingerbread man.

“What does ‘hmmm’ mean?” Liam asked.

“It means she has a plan,” Chudo-Yudo suggested. “Or, you know, something plan-adjacent.”

“Do you have a plan?” Babs asked, nibbling a little more delicately on a gingerbread foot.

“I always have a plan,” Barbara said. “Well, or something that might, with a bit more thought and a lot of luck, become a plan. You know, something plan-adjacent.”

“You keep saying that like it is a real thing,” Liam said. “So what is the plan?”

“It’s not so much a what as a who,” Barbara said.

“A who?” he said.

“Gesundheit,” Barbara said, and Chudo-Yudo snickered.

Babs looked confused and Barbara said to her, “You know the answer to this. Who do we know who lives by the ocean and spends a lot of time in the water? We saw her on our honeymoon trip after Liam and I got married. And then went back for her wedding.”

The little girl’s face lit up. “Oh, Beka! She is the Baba Yaga with the pretty yellow hair whose hut is a painted bus. I liked her. And Chewie.” Chewie was Beka’s Chudo-Yudo, an immense black Newfoundland. He and Barbara’s Chudo-Yudo were best buds. “Do we get to go see her again? I liked the ocean. It was cold and very wet and the waves knocked me over once, remember? They have salt in them. I would like to go to the ocean again.”

Liam laughed and he and Barbara smiled at each other. That was more words than Babs usually said in an entire day. (Being raised by a crazy woman who hid you away from everyone else could really stunt your social skills.) Apparently the ocean—and Beka and her dragon-dog—had made a big impression.

“That’s a great idea,” Liam said. His face fell. “But when we drove the Airstream out to California on our honeymoon, it took weeks. Admittedly, we were stopping all over the country to show Babs her new land, but still, we don’t have enough time to get to Santa Carmelita and back in two weeks. Especially since we’ll still have the other two impossible tasks to do even if Beka can help us with this one.”

“You worry too much,” Chudo-Yudo said.

“What the rude dog is trying to say is that the Airstream is magical. It may look like an Airstream trailer pulled by a silver Chevy truck, but deep down it is still the same enchanted hut on chicken legs that the old Baba Yagas used to travel through the vast forests of Russia and its Slavic neighbors. It doesn’t use gas or follow the same rules as actual mechanical devices,” Barbara said. “Or the same roads either, for that matter.”

“I don’t understand,” Liam said. “We traveled on regular roads on the last trip.” He pushed away his cookie as though the conversation was making his stomach hurt. He’d done a good job of adjusting to Barbara’s magical life, but sometimes she wondered if he would be happier with a normal woman. Luckily, he never showed any signs of coming to his senses.

“That’s because we weren’t in a hurry. If I have to get from one part of the country to another rapidly to deal with a crisis, the Airstream seems to sense it and gets me there faster. The only way I can explain it is to say that it takes shortcuts that don’t show up on any map, slipping through the folded edges of someplace that abut on the folded edges of elsewhere.”

Liam rubbed his forehead. “You know, as an explanation that leaves something to be desired. Like, I don’t know, any kind of sense.”

Barbara shrugged. “It’s magic, not physics. Mostly it can’t be explained, it just is.”

“Technically, most physics can’t really be explained either,” Chudo-Yudo pointed out.

“Not helping,” Liam said. “So how long do you think it would take us to get to Beka in California from here in upstate New York? Using the fold-y shortcut thing.”

“I’m guessing two or three days,” Barbara said. “If we took turns driving. The Airstream kind of drops in and out of real roads, so even though it knows where it is going, it is always a good idea to have someone at the wheel.”

Liam looked a little pale. “You’d let me drive the Airstream? Is that even allowed?”

“As long as it is okay with the Airstream it is. And it knows you’re a part of me now.”

A slow smile crept over his face like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. “I am, aren’t I?” he said and scooted his chair close enough to be able to wrap his arms around her and give her a slow, deep kiss.

“Ugh, stop that,” Chudo-Yudo said. “There are impressionable dragons in the room. And Babs.”

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