“THERE YOU ARE.”
I drove to Ben’s house propelled by an ironclad disbelief that melts into rage the moment I hear these words. The garage door is open, and he’s standing in the driveway shooting baskets.
He walks toward me slowly, the ball tucked under his arm. He leans in to kiss me, but stops. My eyes are puffy and bloodshot, leaking tears again now that I see him. For a moment, I wonder if I can bury this deep inside me and act as if nothing is wrong—keep it forever hidden from view by the force of my will alone.
“I’m sorry you lost.” These are the only words I can muster before my voice cracks and I cover my face with my hands, sobbing.
I feel his arms wrap around me. His lips on my hair.
Is this the last time?
He walks me up to the garage and grabs a bottle of Smartwater off a shelf between Saran Wrap and Sticky Tack.
“Hey, it’s cool,” he whispers. “Don’t cry.”
He twists off the cap and hands me the water, smiling his Irresistible Grin. “Duke is still gonna make me an offer. Silver lining, right? We’re gonna get outta here.”
“I can’t come with you.”
He frowns. “What are you talking about?”
“The video. I saw it all. To the end.”
His face goes slack. “What?”
“Will found it. It’s . . . out there.”
“So? What’s that got to do with us?”
The tears start again, streaming quietly this time. A vise on my throat makes it difficult to speak, but I force myself to say the word: “Everything.”
He tosses the basketball into a bin by the rec room door. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re in the video.”
He freezes for a split second, then reaches for me, trying to wrap his arms around me. “I promise,” he says. “I was only there to say good-bye and I—”
“Don’t.” I am crying so hard I can barely speak. I push a hand into his chest, holding him back.
“Kate, it’s no big deal. I just couldn’t—”
“Stop! You couldn’t what? Be honest? Tell me the truth? Couldn’t help Stacey?”
He drops back like I’ve punched him in the stomach. “That’s not fair. You know that’s not fair.”
“And what happened to Stacey, while you watched, was that fair? That I loved you while you lied to my face? Is that fair?”
“Kate, listen to me. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to lie—not to you, not to anyone—but we have to keep this quiet.”
“No. We don’t. We can’t.” I shake my head. “You know who was there.”
“We’d had a lot to drink.”
“You can tell the police what you remember. You can be a witness.”
He laughs bitterly. “Witness? Against Dooney? And Deacon? I’d get run out of town.”
“Isn’t that what you want?” I snap. “To get out of here?”
“Not like that, Kate. I want you with me. Look! We can get out of here. Look at this. Look at me.” He turns around sweeping his hands toward Adele’s shelving, the garage packed to the rafters. “I can get away from this. Duke is happening. And you can come with me.”
“But who would I be coming with?” I ask. “Who are you? A guy who lies? Who lets his buddies get away with this? A guy who just stood by and watched?”
“No! Kate!” Frantic he grabs both my hands in his. “You know me. That’s not who I am. I told Dooney it couldn’t ever happen again. That it wasn’t cool.”
“And then you helped him delete the evidence?”
“I told you, that was just the pictures of the booze.”
“Why should I believe you?” This slips out quickly and softly, more of a statement than a question.
He walks away from me in a fast circle, running his hand through his hair. When he turns back, his eyes are flashing. “Because it’s me! Because I love you.”
“Just not enough to tell me the truth?” I ask. “Ben, what if you’d come downstairs and it had been me on that couch?”
He yells when I say this, kicking a blue bin of paper grocery sacks, nested inside each other like Russian dolls. “How can you say that? That would never be you.”
“Why not?”
“How can you even compare yourself to her? Stacey is so messed up. She’s an alcoholic loser who’s been a slut since seventh grade when she—”
“Was my friend,” I yell, cutting him off, the tears are fresh and hot and endless. “When she was my friend.”
Ben looks down at me, suddenly exhausted. In his eyes is a fear I’ve never seen before. “Please, Kate. If you tell the police I was there, they’ll want to see that video, and if I get hauled in to witness at the trial Duke won’t give me an offer. You heard what that scout told my mom yesterday. I have to keep my nose clean—stay away from this.”
“That hacker group has the video already,” I remind him. “If we don’t come forward, they’ll release it on Monday. Everyone will know anyway.”
“Let ’em release it. It’s the back of my head for a split second. Who’s gonna tell them? Who’s gonna know?”