JUDD APATOW—COMEDIAN, DIRECTOR, WRITER, PRODUCER
I often think it’s ridiculous that in this business, at some point you start to make a living at it, because it is the perfect example of something that you would do for free. I say to my kids, “I don’t know what you want to do for a living. I just lucked out that the thing I do pays well, but I would do it anyway. It’s just it happened to be a weird jackpot, but if it was like, eighteen grand a year, I probably would be doing it right now and we would be in a tiny apartment together.”
BOB ODENKIRK—ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR, COMEDIAN
I told my little daughter this the other night. We were talking about some comedy scene that I’d showed her or she’d seen, and I said, “So you see, honey, that’s what comedy is. Comedy is about honesty.” Because that is a very core truth to me. For me, comedy has always been a way to be honest about shit. Like, just fucking say what you’re thinking.
GARRY SHANDLING—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR (1949–2016)
Needing to know the answer is an addiction. The truth actually is in the silence. People are afraid to have a silent moment. Silence is all the truth and all the wisdom in the world. You’ve got to stop fucking talking. Everybody is fucking talking and jumping up and giving their opinion too quickly.
JIM NORTON
I’m just trying to tell the truth. I’m not always right. I think most of us bat about .500. We’re right half the time, wrong half the time. Whenever we’re talking about the war or we’re talking about health care or any real issues, half the time people will agree with you. Half the time, they won’t. Half the time, I’ll be point on. Half the time, I can be proven wrong. It doesn’t matter as long as I’m truthful about the way I feel about it. Anyone who’s so married to an ideology that their opinions about things won’t change just because it doesn’t go hand in hand with the ideology is fraudulent anyway.
BOB SAGET—COMEDIAN, ACTOR, WRITER
My mother said, “When you grow up, not everybody is going to like you,” and I said, “I need names.” Now I have the list. I know who they are. You can just Google.
MARIA BAMFORD—COMEDIAN, ACTOR
My favorite movie is Ratatouille, because the message is, “No matter how much people are disgusted by you, you’ve got to follow your dreams.”
SARAH SILVERMAN—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
I’m dreaming. I’m just sitting at home and dreaming and not feeling shitty about not knowing what’s next, but realizing instead that we’re just looking through a pinhole and we don’t know what the fuck’s coming up next. Instead of going, “Oh my God, what if I never have another show? What if, what if, what if?” You don’t have to predict what’s going to happen. What’s going to happen will unfold. The future’s going to happen whether you predict it or not.
In the meantime, why don’t you sit there and realize that everything that’s happened to you so far, you have not been able to predict? Just know that whatever’s coming is not anything you’re going to know right now. If you go, “Oh, there’s nothing out there. There’s no opportunities for me.” That’s how it’s always been. You know what I mean? We’re looking through a pinhole, and we don’t know what’s out there.
GARRY SHANDLING
We are all making decisions based on fear. We have to be very, very, very careful. The other thing we’re addicted to in America is the idea of security and trying to make everything permanent and solid and secure, when in fact, life itself is impermanent, not solid, but purely energy as proven by quantum mechanics.
The idea of trying to make it something secure and going as far as putting up walls around it is ignorance. It’s just ignorance. That’s all based on fear. We should do what we can to prevent terrorism, but this incredible panic about protecting what we have is what a human being on his own can’t do. There is nowhere in any religion, any philosophy, where it says once you have the stuff, make sure no one else gets it. We should be embarrassed.
RUPAUL CHARLES
There are two types of people: the people who believe the Matrix, lock, stock, and barrel, and the people who understand that this is all just a construct. This is all illusion. Those are the two types of people, and I’m always looking for the other people who were going, “Yes. It is illusion.” Against the mediocrity, the cultural expectations of Middle America and the American dream.
TOM SCHARPLING—COMEDIAN, WRITER, RADIO AND PODCAST HOST
I always have to think about just the next thing, and the thing after the thing, and the thing after that. I try to go for these walks, and I just leave my phone behind, and I’ll listen to music, and I’ll just try to reclaim it like a half hour at a time.
Does your leg ever feel like you feel the vibration and you don’t even have your phone in your pocket? What’s going on with that? That’s a new thing for the human condition. “Oh, yeah, I felt my upper thigh vibrate. Oh, my phone’s not in my pocket.” What is that? That’s like a sickness.
WHITNEY CUMMINGS—COMEDIAN, WRITER, PRODUCER, ACTOR
My favorite quote, and I’m really into quotes that I don’t know who said them, this one quote kind of changed my life. “Comparison is the worst form of violence against yourself.”
Marc
Wow.
Whitney
I know.
Marc
How about when I hit myself in the head with a hammer?
Whitney
I don’t know. That’s self-love in a lot of circles. That to me is a healthy relationship.
“Comparison is the worst form of violence against yourself.” I used to run around and say, “She has more than me, I should have more than her,” but that is just a way to self-abuse.
GARRY SHANDLING
I started to box about eleven years ago. The reason is twofold. One is it’s out of my comfort zone completely. I never was a kid who got into fights. The idea of really being in a ring where someone is going to start throwing punches was crazy to me. The main reason is that you don’t have time to think. It becomes completely intuitive. Someone is throwing a punch, you have to counter or you move or step back or you move but you can’t think about it. When you land a punch, you can’t think about it.
Marc
Are you good at it?
Garry
Well, I’m sure getting better than I was, which is better than getting worse.
Marc
Do you wear headgear?
Garry
I do. I wear headgear that goes from my head down to my knees. It’s the biggest one they’ve ever seen.
TOM SCHARPLING