“Thank you.” I burrow into the warmth, savoring the masculine scent that infuses the heavy material.
Strong, powerful legs fill my view—thick muscle beneath frayed jeans and heavy boots.
Cole.
He lowers onto the bench beside me, and the wood creaks under the weight.
“Did you steal Trace’s gun?” I keep my eyes on the water, refusing to sink into the seductive pull of his.
“No.” He stretches out a leg and reclines back. “He knows this conversation is between you and me.”
I assume that means he’s here to make excuses about his affair. “Where are we? Southern Missouri?”
“Yeah. Stone County.” He flicks a finger at the lake. “That’s—”
“Table Rock Lake. I know the area. We used to vacation here when I was a kid.” I can’t ignore the heat of his body so close to mine, so I scoot a few inches away. “Who owns the house?”
“I do.”
“What?” My pulse kicks up. “How can you afford it?” Curiosity turns my head, and I plummet into his deep brown gaze. “Did your government job pay for it?”
“Not the government, but my skill set made me a wealthy man.”
“I don’t understand. You worked a minimum wage security job. I thought you needed money.”
“That’s an assumption you made.”
“You never corrected me.”
His jaw flexes. “There were side jobs over the years, as well as other means to collect assets.”
“What other means? Or is that another secret you can’t tell me?”
“No more secrets.” He bends forward, forearms on his spread knees, and stares at the lake, seemingly gathering his thoughts.
His breath releases in white clouds, his black leather jacket unzipped and hanging open. Isn’t he cold? I feel an aching need to share the blanket, but I don’t move. He cheated on me, and the pain that would come with touching him and smelling his familiar scent would be my undoing.
I miss him. Goddammit, I fucking love him, and it’s such a hopeless, miserable feeling. He’s right here, close enough to hold tight and breathe in, yet the only thing we’re capable of sharing is strained silence.
My lungs burn, surging all the bitterness from the past five weeks to the surface. “When did you sleep with her?”
He moves so fast my heart stops. In a heartbeat, he kneels before me with his hands braced on the bench on either side of my hips.
“You tell me.” His eyes are as bare and smoky as the sky. “Look at me and tell me when I fucked that woman.”
“I don’t know! I tried to get that answer at the penthouse.” My chin quivers. “I asked if it happened while we were together and you…you just glared at me.” I lean back. “Like you’re doing right now.”
“Because you know the goddamn answer!” He slams a fist on the bench beside me, his enraged voice echoing across the lake. “Look at me. Look hard, Danni, and listen to your heart. Do you honestly believe I would cheat on you?”
The hurt in his eyes is tactile, his face lined and heartbroken. His inconsolable expression suggests weeks of suffering, sleepless nights, and soul-deep disappointment. I feel every tired crease and dark circle like a punch in the heart. As hard as I search, I don’t find a trace of guilt or collusion. He just looks…wrecked.
A warm bud of hope blooms in my chest, followed instantly by the hard stab of shame. He stares at me like he’s the one who’s been betrayed. Like I’m the betrayer.
A flood of tears terrorizes my airway, and I gulp down the cry that tries to escape.
“In the five years I’ve known you—” I choke, devastated and nauseous. “You’ve been undeniably committed and loyal to me.”
“That’s right.” He reads my eyes, waiting for me to continue.
“Goddammit, Cole. Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice spikes with confusion and anger. “You could’ve explained it and told me—”
“I can’t.” He pushes off the bench and launches to his feet. “I can’t prove it, and you know what? Fuck you, Danni, because I shouldn’t have to.”
I choke at the force of his rage and hunch deeper into the blanket.
Pacing to the edge of the dock, he speaks quietly with his back to me. “You know me. You fucking know I’d rather cut myself open than so much as look at another woman.” He shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket, gazing out at the dark lake. “It kills me that you so quickly believed the worst in me.”
“I didn’t want to believe it.” My spine snaps straight, bristling with defensiveness. “But the last few months left me feeling so damn naive I stopped trusting my instincts. When I saw the photos, the proof was right there in black and white, and you said nothing.”
“It was nothing!” he bellows and spins to face me. “It was another lifetime, another place, a mistake I made before I met you.” His expression falls, his voice broken. “I would never cheat on you. Not for the job. Not even to save my own life.”
The sincerity in his words molds around my heart and constricts it mercilessly. Another sob crawls up, and I cover my mouth, muffling the horrible noise.
I judged and convicted him without thought or examination. His innocence is all over his face, his unblinking eyes, and the strength of his posture. It’s been there all along.
We stare at each other through the shadows, separated by five feet and a bottomless well of regret. He fucked up by not communicating, and I made it a thousand times worse by giving up on him.
I thought I was doing the brave thing by dropping the hammer and running away. I thought it was the right thing. But as it turns out, I didn’t just hurt myself. I hurt a man who has only ever protected and loved me.
I should’ve stayed at the penthouse that day and let him explain. It’s the least I could’ve done after sleeping with his best friend and digging the blade of jealousy deeper and deeper.
Cole isn’t a cheater. I am. Those are the truths I conveniently ignored to convince myself to walk away.
“What I did is unforgivable.” I wipe the tears from my face and slow my breathing. “You must think I’m a hypocritical piece of shit.”
“Don’t—”
“Let me finish.” I suck in a breath. “I took one look at those photos and used it as ammo to leave you. The woman, the dead body, the cameras—it was all excuses to avoid the decision I couldn’t make. I couldn’t choose between you, and those photos gave me the coward’s way out.”
“You’re not a coward.” He takes a step forward, his timbre soft and low. “You’re an emotion, a passion. You run deep and wild, rise with the storm, and adjust with the wind. No matter what direction life takes you, you endure with remarkable strength.”
An ugly, sobbing laugh tumbles past my lips. “I’m a reckless, unsorted disaster.”
“If I wanted prudence and order, I’d hook up with a nun. I want you, Danni.”
Warmth unfurls inside me. I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear that, even if I don’t deserve the assurance.