She nodded. “Of course. Every action has an opposite reaction. So if you are healing someone who has a tear in his skin, you can either make it better and close up the skin and repair the tissue, or you could increase the tear and damage to the tissue.”
My mouth dropped open. I felt my chest tighten as I considered the horror of such an ability. How could I ever use my magic for something so evil? Could I destroy someone if I had to? Would I use such power against someone such as Cathal? I didn’t know because as much as I abhorred the idea, I would not deny the secret comfort that came in knowing that I was not completely helpless anymore, especially when it came to the king that had treated me so cruelly. If I needed to hurt, him I could.
“But you need to understand,” Hilda continued. Her face grew serious as her lips tightened and her silver eyes narrow on me. “Every use of magic has its consequences. When you use it to heal, it depletes you of your strength for a time. You are essentially using your life force to heal another. When you use your magic for damage, the consequences are even more detrimental. Using magic for a dark purpose removes a part of your soul along with the magic. It can tie you to that person forever because you imprint a part of yourself on them. It is impossible to do ill to another without dire repercussions. It is imperative that you remember that before you act in such a way. Also, the more you use your magic for ill, the more you will crave the surge of power you will feel later, after the exhaustion has worn off.”
“Have you ever used your magic in such a way?” I asked the question before I could consider just how personal it was.
Hilda’s eyes became thoughtful, and I wondered what memories she was considering. Judging by the haunted look that came over her face, I guessed they weren’t pleasant.
“I have,” she admitted. “One hopes to never find herself in a situation that requires she act in a way that requires her to defend herself or those she loves. But despite having magic, we are still limited in how we can affect the outcome of what we see. And there are consequences if we do attempt to intervene.”
“What would drive someone to use her magic for harm?” I asked. I knew in my spirit that the woman before me was not evil, so I knew that she must have had a justifiable reason for her actions. Regardless, I felt compelled to ask her motivations.
Hilda seemed reluctant to tell me exactly what she’d done, but after several minutes, she finally gave in. “I have been under the thumb of the jarl in our clan. He is basically the equivalent of your king. He knows what I can do. Those in my clan only know that I am an Oracle. They do not know about my healing ability.”
“You don’t use it for your clan?”
She shook her head. “The jarl will not let me use it on anyone but himself. He keeps me by his side wherever he goes. He doesn’t, however, know of my ability to do harm with my magic. I have had to make sure to be subtle over the years, lest he deduce that I have had something to do with any of his health problems. Over time I have been drawing his life force from him any time I have been required to heal him. But despite my age, there is still much I do not know about magic. For instance,” she held up a finger. “By drawing his life force, I have caused a kind of madness in him. He has become more and more paranoid over the years. He has insane grandiose ideas and has convinced himself that he is invincible. My intention was to shorten his life, but I did not know in what way that would happen.”
“You want to kill him?” I asked, not hiding the shock in my voice. Murder just seemed so extreme. But then again, hadn’t that been what my family had essentially been planning for Cathal if it came to that?
“You do not understand how evil this man is.”
I snorted out an unladylike sound. “Oh, I bet I have a clue.”
Hilda’s eyes softened in understanding. “Yes, I am sorry about that. Torben explained to me what that monster did to you. You’ve been able to keep him from doing it again, I trust?”
“Thanks to your son,” I said. “Tomorrow is the engagement banquet. So far, Torben has managed to keep me from being alone with King Cathal.”
“Magnus, that’s our jarl, has no concern for anyone but himself. If he continues to lead our clan, he will drive us into extinction. There is only so much war a country can endure. Eventually, there are no more men to fight. Young boys cannot continue to assume the duties of those that have perished. They simply do not have the strength or experience to do such things.”
“And this is the man who has come to my home?” I asked.
“I told you, he is going mad. He must be removed from his place of leadership, and it is clear that the gods are making a way for that to happen. The prophecy makes it clear that Torben is to lead, but he can only do it with you by his side. You bring him balance, and he keeps your power grounded.”
“Myra explained some of what is happening between Torben and me,” I told her, suddenly needing to get as much information about my soul match with Torben as possible. “You have a soul match and an anchor?” I said as I tilted my head slightly. “Right?”
She nodded. “Torben’s father.” Her voice was full of love. “He was my anchor and my perfect match in every way. I am not as old as I look,” she chuckled. “Did Myra explain why you need Torben?”
I nodded.
“Well,” Hilda motioned to herself. “This is what happens when you continue to heal but don’t have an anchor. Every time I heal Magnus, I lose more of my life. I am aging much more quickly than I should. Part of me is glad. I am tired and ready to join my husband on the other side. But then, the rest of me still has a lot of living to do.”
“What about the bond?” I took a deep breath. “Torben and I bonded.” I said it as though we’d been caught doing something were ought not to have been, which seemed ridiculous. “And now, we can sort of sense each other, I guess.”
Hilda nodded. “That does not surprise me. Each anchor and his healer have unique abilities that evolve after their bonding. Some can read each other’s minds. Some can feel what the other feels. And some have the ability to soul speak.”
My brow furrowed. “Soul speak?”
“It is a very intimate communion where the souls are able to communicate with each other without the conscious effort of their owners. The best way I can explain it is that even when you do not realize it, your soul may need the comfort of its mate. Those who can soul speak, well, their souls reach for one another when they need it without you choosing to do so.”
The breath whooshed out of me as I considered her words. The level of intimacy that something like that would bring seemed mind boggling.
“How will we know if we have that ability?” I asked her.
She shrugged. “Everyone is different, and abilities appear of their own accord. It is not an exact science.”
“Thank you,” I said after a few moments. “For telling me all of this.”
She smiled at me. “I like you, Allete, but then I knew that I would.”
I chuckled. “Must be weird to know how you’re going to feel before you feel it.”