Noel stands on my front porch, still wearing her Christmas pajamas from this morning, shivering as the snow falls gently around her. The glow from my porch light shines on her red-streaked face that looks like it was just recently scrubbed clean for some reason.
“Do you have a spider on your eyebrow?” I ask dumbly, still in shock that she’s standing here in front of me.
“Shit, God dammit,” she mutters, reaching up above her eye and feeling around blindly until she finds it, pulling the weird, black clump of whatever the fuck it is off of her face and tossing it to the ground. “It was a fake eyelash. Don’t ask.”
She shivers again and I curse at myself for making her stand out here in the cold.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask, holding the door open wider.
She quickly steps toward me, ducking down under my arm that holds the door open. I close it softly behind her and turn around, sticking my hands in my pockets before I do something dumb like grab her and pull her to me. I need to know why she’s here first. Maybe she just came to drop off the ring in person instead of mailing it to me. I won’t let myself have hope until I know for sure.
“Why are you here, Noel?” I question softly as I watch her look around my living room.
“Your place is nice,” she says, not answering my question. “You really do live in bumfuck nowhere. It took five passes to find your driveway.”
She laughs and I can see the nervousness written all over her as she bites her bottom lip and crosses her arms uncomfortably in front of her.
I keep my mouth closed and wait for her to continue.
“I’m sorry, Sam. I’m so sorry,” she whispers, taking a tentative step toward me.
“For what?” I ask, my hands clenching into fist in my pockets, dying to touch her, hold her, and kiss that bottom lip that she won’t stop biting.
“I should have told you the truth before now. I’m sorry you had to deal with that shit this morning. I’m sorry Logan showed up and ruined everything.”
I shrug, still refusing to let myself hope she’s going to say what I want more than anything for her to say.
“It’s fine. I mean, we knew it had to end eventually, right? So, are you guys back together now?”
It’s a dick move and I know it as soon as I see her face fall and her eyes well up with tears. My hands fly out of my pockets and I close the distance between us, pressing my palms against her cheeks and tilting her face up to mine.
“Why are you crying?” I ask.
She sniffles and takes a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. Her hands come up and rest on top of mine holding her face and she tilts her head to the side.
“I’m crying because I screwed everything up. I suck and you probably hate me and I don’t blame you, but I love you, Sam. I love you so much and I’m sorry for what happened this morning. I wish I could do it all over again, and go back a few days ago and tell you that I love but I didn’t because I suck and I’m sorry, but-”
I cut off her rambling with my mouth, crashing my lips against hers, sighing when I finally taste her again. I pull back before I get carried away and look down at her with a smile.
“Say it again,” I whisper.
“I suck,” she says with a hiccupping laugh as the tears fall from her eyes and drop onto my hands still holding onto her face. “And I love you. I am so in love with you, Sam Stocking.”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding since she first started talking, close my eyes, and lean my forehead against hers. “I love you too, Noel Holiday. I think I loved you from the first moment I saw you. I suck too. I should have told you sooner so we could have avoided that whole shit-show this morning. I never should have left. I’m so sorry for leaving.”
Her hands move from on top of mine and they slide around my waist, pulling me closer to her until our bodies are touching.
“You really shouldn’t have left. You missed out on hearing me tell Logan he has a tiny penis and throwing that ugly ass ring at the door,” she jokes through her tears. “Then my dad threw him out in the snow, I curled up under the tree like a cat and cried all day, my mom smoked pot and ate four bags of Cheetos and Aunt Bobbie made up my face to look like a hooker clown after a gang-bang.”
“You’ve had a very eventful day,” I laugh, tilting my head back to look down at her beautiful, tear-stained face.
“And I got your present,” she says softly. “I can’t believe you got me magic.”
I wrap my arms around her and hug her to me. “You should have had a little magic in your life a long time ago.”
She sighs, looking up at me with those gorgeous green eyes and I almost can’t believe this is real. We’re not faking it for her family, we’re not pretending with each other because we’re both too foolish to say what we want. It’s real, it’s happening and she’s here with me, in my house, and I’m never letting her go.