When she blinked, more tears fell.
“I really loved you. As in, I loved you in a way I’ve never loved anyone else. I trusted you. Fuck, you were my whole world. There was nothing I looked forward to more than getting off work and making love to you. I was happier with you than I ever was with Josephine, or anyone else that came before her. What we had was special. For the first time in my life, I was actually happy.”
More tears came, a waterfall in the making.
“But that’s over because it never really happened. Maybe you were sincere in your feelings, but I have no way of knowing when those moments occurred. When you told me you loved me, it was a lie. The second the words left your mouth, they were meaningless—”
“But they aren’t meaningless now, Crewe,” she said through her tears. “I love you. I know I do. It just took me some time to come to terms with it, to realize I couldn’t run from it anymore. This relationship didn’t start off in the right way. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give it a new beginning.”
“I don’t want to have a new beginning.”
Her hands reached for mine, and her frozen fingers wrapped around my wrists.
I pushed her away before I gave myself the opportunity to enjoy her. “Don’t fucking touch me.”
“Crewe—”
“Get off my property.” I wanted this to end. I wanted to go back to my life and forget she ever existed. I stepped back and turned to the entrance.
“I know you still love me.”
I stopped and turned around, watching her hair blow in the wind.
“I know you do. Just take some time to think about what I said. I’m staying in Edinburgh for a month… I’ll be around.”
“I don’t love you, London,” I said coldly. “I stopped loving you the second Joseph pointed that gun at me.”
She’d stopped crying, but her eyes were still shiny. “Ariel told me what she said to you.”
My eyes narrowed as the betrayal swept over me. I never asked Ariel to keep that a secret, but I assumed she would have kept that information to herself.
“The only reason you got up was to protect me. After everything we’d been through, you still put me first. So don’t pretend you don’t love me. Don’t pretend I don’t mean anything to you. I know you’re angry right now because this is the first time we’ve spoken, so I can be patient. I can give you some time. I’ll be in Edinburgh until the end of this month. When you’re ready to talk, I’m sure you’ll be able to find me.”
Her confidence just pissed me off more. “You shouldn’t waste your time, London. I’m not coming after you. I have a woman in my bed waiting for me at this very moment. I’ve moved on with my life—as I’m sure you’ve moved on with yours.”
She controlled her expression and hid the hurt that was burning under her skin, but I could see the devastation in her eyes.
I enjoyed hurting her, enjoyed getting back at her for hurting me. If she imagined I’d be crying over her, she was stupid. I didn’t shed a single tear. I spent my time drinking scotch and screwing beautiful women.
Because I was still the scotch king.
It took Ariel five seconds to figure out London stopped by. “What did she say?” She walked into my office without knocking, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes focused on me like lasers.
I would have told her it was none of her business, but since Ariel warned me about her to begin with, I felt obligated to share. “She wanted to apologize for lying to me. Then she told me she loved me and wanted to start over.” I flipped through the expense report like our conversation wasn’t important enough for my full attention.
“That fucking cunt.” She ground her teeth together, looking angrier than I’d ever seen her. “What did you say?”
“What do you think, Ariel?” I looked at the totals in the back of the report before I closed the folder. “I told her to get off my property and disappear. End of story.”
Ariel breathed a sigh of relief like she’d been expecting me to say something else. “Thank god.”
Like I’d ever give London another chance. That ship had sailed. “I’m sure we won’t hear from her again.”
“Better not.” She finally took a seat and crossed her legs. “Are you doing okay?”
I was insulted by the question. “I’m more than okay, Ariel.”
“You haven’t talked about it and—”
“Because I don’t need to talk about it. It was a mistake, and it’s over. Let’s move on.” I didn’t need to be reminded how stupid I was. I put my life, as well as the life of everyone around me, in danger. Some of my men were buried in graveyards because of my poor judgment. It’s not something I would easily forget.
“Does that mean you’ve reinstated Dunbar?”
Dunbar had been right about her too. I should have let him beat her to a pulp. “Yes. I gave him a two-week vacation as an apology.”
“That was nice of you.”
Not nice enough. “Is there anything else you need? I’ve got a lot of shit to do today.”
Ariel glanced at my bottle of scotch, which was half empty even though it wasn’t even eleven yet. “Nope. I’ll see you later.” She left my office without a backward glance, in a much better mood now that she knew London wasn’t making a resurgence.
Even if I wanted to take London back, I wouldn’t.
Not after what she did.
I had too much pride, too much stubbornness to let bygones be bygones.
But I did love hearing that she still wanted me, that New York felt empty without me in her life. It made me feel good to know that she actually loved me, that she flew all the way here just to see me.
She accused me of still loving her.
Which I didn’t.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about her, not while I was at work or while I was in my room alone. Sleep had been difficult since the day she left. The only time I slept somewhat well was when a woman slept over. But even then, it wasn’t the same.
As soon as London left, I’d asked Sasha to leave. I didn’t feel like being interrogated by a woman who wanted me all to herself a long time ago. I was in too foul a mood to please a woman for the night.
I just wanted to be alone.
But my mood hadn’t changed. I was just as angry as the moment she left. I was even more angry that I allowed her to have this power over me, to make me feel so many different things at once.
And I was pissed that I hated seeing her cry. It made me feel like shit when it shouldn’t. I enjoyed hurting her, but that desire faded away almost instantly. I wish I’d never mentioned Sasha when it was such a low blow.
And then I hated myself for caring about her feelings.
I was so fucked up in the head.
What was wrong with me?
A week went by, and I didn’t contact her. I knew she was staying in Edinburgh, but I didn’t have a clue what she was doing. She didn’t come from money, so I didn’t know how she was paying for this expensive trip across the world.
Especially since it was all a waste of money.
Even though she was always in the back of my mind, I refused to go to her. I refused to see her after everything we’d been through.