‘Thanks, I’m feeling pretty good as it happens,’ I said, and linked my arm through hers. We took a taxi to Battersea, and I led her into my apartment.
‘Mon dieu! This is stunning.’ Ma stood in the centre of the sitting room and waved her arms to indicate the enormous space.
‘It’s cool, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, but Star tells me you are selling it?’
‘Not any longer, no. The estate agent tells me that property prices have tanked round here since I bought it, so I’m going to rent it out. The agent called earlier today. He’s already found tenants for the apartment, so that’s good. Can I take your coat?’
‘Thank you.’ Ma removed it and handed it to me, then sat down and smoothed out her tweed skirt. She looked utterly immaculate as always and, comfortingly, exactly the same.
‘Can I get you a cup of tea?’ I asked her.
‘I would love one. I refuse to eat or drink anything on a plane.’
‘I don’t blame you,’ I said as I went to switch on the kettle. ‘Though I might have starved on the way to Australia and back if I hadn’t.’
‘I still cannot believe you made all those journeys by yourself. I know how much you hate flying. I am proud of you, chérie.’
‘Well, life is all about facing your fears, isn’t it?’
‘It is. And you have made amazing progress.’
‘I’m trying.’ I took a cup of her favourite Darjeeling tea over to the coffee table and sat next to her on the sofa. ‘It’s great to see you. Thanks for coming, Ma.’
‘Well, even if Star hadn’t invited me to England previously, I would not have let you go off to Australia without visiting you. I’m so glad I have. And it’s good to be away from Atlantis for a few days. So . . .’ She took a sip of the tea. ‘Tell me everything.’
‘There’s a lot to tell,’ I said.
‘We have plenty of time. Just start at the beginning.’
So I did, feeling embarrassed and awkward at first, because I realised that I’d never really been alone with Ma without Star beside me. But this was another step I had to take, now that I was my own person. Ma was the best listener I could have hoped for, and held my hand at the emotional bits, which was a good thing, because there were quite a few of them.
‘Oh my, it is quite a journey that you have been on, chérie. And I would love to meet your grandfather,’ Ma said after I’d brought her up to date.
‘He’s special, yes.’ I paused then, because I needed to find the right words and not be clumsy with them. ‘You know, Ma, all this stuff – what Star, Maia, Ally and me have been through – has really made me think.’
‘Has it?’
‘Yes. About what being a parent actually is. Like, is the blood tie the most important thing?’
‘What do you think, chérie?’
‘That it was really, really great to meet my grandfather, but I’ve only added to the family I already have. I didn’t need or want to replace you and Pa with a new version. It’s a bit like my friend Ace – the one who’s in prison; he had a mum in Thailand who he really loved, but she died. Then he got another mum here, just by chance, who’s really rooted for him, like you do for all of us sisters.’
‘Thank you, chérie. I try my best.’
‘Ma . . .’ This time, it was me who reached for her hand. ‘Hasn’t it been really hard for you to see some of us going off and finding our other families? I mean, you’ve brought us up since we were babies.’
‘Ah, CeCe, you know that you are the only sister who has thought to ask me that question? I appreciate it, chérie. And yes, you are right. I watched you all grow from the babies you were, and was honoured by the trust that your father had placed in me. For any parent, it is difficult to watch their young fly the nest, and perhaps find new families of their own from the past or in the present. But the fact that we are sitting here together tonight, that you wanted to see me, is enough for me, truly.’
‘I’ll always want to see you, Ma. You’re just . . . ace!’
We looked at each other, not sure whether to laugh or cry, so we decided to laugh. And then we hugged and I rested my head on her shoulder like I had done when I was little.
I looked at my phone and saw it was gone nine o’clock, and realised that Ma must be completely starving. I phoned for a takeaway, and we tucked into a delicious Thai green curry.
‘So, you leave for Australia on Wednesday?’ Ma asked.
‘Yes. Ma,’ I blurted out suddenly, ‘can I ask you something?’
‘Of course you can, chérie.’
‘Do you think Pa chose each of us girls specially, or was it random? I mean, like in my case, how come he happened to be in Broome not long after I’d been born and needed a home?’
Ma put down her spoon and fork. ‘Chérie, really, I would answer that question if I could. As you know, your father travelled a lot and I am not aware that there was a plan. Every baby that arrived at Atlantis was a surprise to me, especially you, CeCe. Why, only six months before, Star had joined us. Yes,’ she nodded, taking a sip of wine. ‘You were the biggest surprise of all.’
‘Was I?’
‘You were.’ Ma smiled at me. ‘I also think that we humans wish to believe there is a plan. And perhaps there is, but in my experience, it isn’t always “man-made”.’
‘What you’re saying is that fate – or a higher power – leads you there?’
‘Yes.’ Ma nodded vigorously. ‘I do believe it’s true. It happened to me, for sure.’ Ma used her napkin to wipe her mouth, then surreptitiously wiped her eyes. ‘The kindness of strangers,’ she whispered, then took a deep breath. ‘So, would you excuse me if I retire for the night? From what Star has told me, we have a big evening tomorrow.’
‘You mean the party for Star’s relative?’
‘Yes, and of course, your leaving party,’ Ma reminded me.
‘Oh yeah.’ I’d been so caught up in everything, I kept forgetting that I was flying off for good in little more than twenty-four hours’ time.
‘And I will meet her Mouse for the first time,’ Ma continued. ‘Have you met him yet?’
‘Once, yes. He was . . . a nice guy,’ I managed. ‘I’m really happy that Star is happy.’
Upstairs in the spare bedroom that had never been slept in, it felt really weird to show Ma where the towels were and how the shower worked, as if I was the grown-up and her the child.
‘Thank you, CeCe. You have been a wonderful hostess, and I hope that one day, you will invite me to visit you in Australia.’
‘Course I will,’ I smiled. ‘Anytime, Ma.’
‘Goodnight, chérie.’ Ma kissed me on both cheeks. ‘Sleep well.’
36
I surprised Ma the next day with my new early morning routine, and after a quick breakfast of croissants and coffee together, I left her to prepare for the drinks party and caught the bus to Wormwood Scrubs.
Ace slumped down in the plastic chair opposite me, looking irritated.
‘I thought I told you to leave me alone,’ he said, crossing his arms defensively.
‘Well, hello to you too,’ I responded. ‘Guess who I met yesterday?’