“Doesn’t feel that way.”
“I can’t count the number of times some well-meaning person patted my hand and told me it would get easier. I didn’t believe them, but it turns out, they were right. So now I’m telling you the same thing, knowing it’s true.”
Allison pulled in to their driveway, put the car in park, but left the engine running, the faint drum line from a pop song in the background. She took a deep breath, her face resolute. “I’ll talk to him tonight, and if he doesn’t agree to go, I’ll talk to him tomorrow night and the next and the next.”
“Excellent plan.” They stared toward the house, and Harper gave a little laugh. “Should we make sure the house isn’t destroyed?”
Instead of turning the car off, Allison shifted toward Harper. “Were you serious back there?”
“About what?”
“About being bored and feeling useless when you and Noah were together?”
Harper didn’t detect judgment, only curiosity. “Don’t misunderstand me, I wasn’t unhappy, but I craved something outside of all military, all the time. Things got better after I started volunteering. Then I got pregnant and had something else to focus on.”
“Did you ever tell Noah how you were feeling?”
Guilt pinged. “I tried, but I’m not sure he ever understood. Not really. It was easier to act like everything was perfect. And in lots of ways—the ways that count—they were.”
“I bet lots of wives on base feel like you did. Too bad there’s not an outlet for them beyond volunteering and their kids.” Allison turned the car off and got out. The echo of music faded into silence.
At Allison’s meeting alone, three women expressed the same dissatisfaction. That was a slice of wives in one group and at one base. How many around the Southeast—the country—dealt with the same issues as they crisscrossed the world following their husbands?
Allison hesitated at the front door and shot a quizzical look over her shoulder. Harper got out of the car and stepped into the chaos of the house, the three kids playing tag while Darren was sprawled on the couch and flipping through the channels.
His eyes were red rimmed from lack of sleep, and he gave Allison a kiss on his shuffle to the stairs, disappearing for what Harper assumed was a nap, which would probably lead to a repeat of last night’s wanderings.
Allison only watched him go, but the look on her face was more resolute and less downtrodden than it had been the day before. “I’ll talk to him later. Want to help me get dinner going for the kids?”
After a noisy, fun dinner, Allison sent the kids upstairs to get ready for bed and to finish any homework before heading back to school on Monday.
“I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon.” Allison scooped out chocolate ice cream for their dessert and set the small bowls on the cleared table.
Harper took a spoonful and was cast back more than a decade to her summer job in the ice-cream shop. Bittersweet memories.
“I’m afraid to leave Ben under my mom’s sole influence. She’ll turn him into a socialist, nude-painting, granola-eating tree hugger in a week.” Her exaggeration achieved the intended result when Allison laughed with only a hint of her earlier strain.
“Your mom is incredible.”
“She totally is.” Harper jabbed at her ice cream. “I can’t stop thinking about what you said in the car. About base wives looking for something to do. What if I came up with something?”
“Like what? Knitting?”
“Not a hobby. I’m talking about a business to employ military wives. Something they could keep doing no matter where they were stationed.” The seed Allison had planted earlier bloomed into full-on excitement.
Allison stared at Harper as if she’d switched to a different language and Allison couldn’t understand her. “What kind of business?”
Harper shot from the hip, ideas coming fast and furious. “Something homegrown. Maybe military focused but appealing to everyone.”
“What do you know about running a business?” Her question came out more astonished than disparaging.
“I graduated from UNC with dual degrees in business and marketing, and I’ve been dying to put them to good use. Plus, I’ve been doing bookkeeping and taxes up and down the Outer Banks since Noah died. I understand a good business plan.” Harper left her ice cream to melt and paced the floor. Her body felt tingly and alive, as if someone had taken paddles to her chest and jump-started her life.
“I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but what about money to get started? Doesn’t it take tens of thousands of dollars?”
“At least that much, but I invested the money I got from Noah’s bravery award. Even if I keep some back for Ben’s college, we should have enough to get started. Once we come up with a solid, marketable product. Do you think the women in the group want to help?”
“I’m sure they do. We can set up a group chat or something. Hang on a minute, though. What bravery award? I don’t remember that.”
“He received it posthumously.”
“And it came with money?”
“Yeah, lots of it. I was shocked.”
“Define ‘lots’?”
Allison’s tone finally registered and Harper sank back into her seat. “A hundred thousand?”
“Not government death benefits?”
“No. This was different. The man handed me a cashier’s check and told me it was for a bravery award. I think he gave me a certificate, too.” Had she kept it? Had it even been real? Harper had printed Ben a certificate off the internet when he’d finished potty training, for goodness’ sake.
Allison uttered a word Harper didn’t think was even in her vocabulary before continuing. “Who was this man?”
Unease blunted Harper’s excitement. Had she done something wrong or, even worse, illegal? “That time was a blur, but his name was Caldwell, I think.”
Allison looked down and fiddled with her spoon. “Of course. Bennett Caldwell. Makes sense.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Did Noah never mention him?”
“Was he a SEAL?”
Allison nodded. “Served with Noah and Darren.”
“Noah used everyone’s nicknames at home. Even called Darren ‘Family Man.’”
A small smile helped erase the worried crinkles in Allison’s brow. “Noah’s nickname was my favorite.”
“He hated being called Peaches.”
“Bennett Caldwell, aka Grizzly, and Noah were close. According to Darren, Bennett was there when…”—Allison’s gaze skated to the floor, her voice turning vague—“you know.”
Harper knew. Or had at least imagined what Noah’s last moments had been like. She had played the scenarios over in her head so many times she wondered if she’d go mad. But what drove her insane was knowing that whatever she imagined hadn’t come close to the terribleness of his death.
And Grizzly had been there. While the name Bennett Caldwell was unfamiliar, she was well acquainted with Grizzly. Or at least stories about him. Noah had talked about Griz like he was a big brother and a father and the biggest badass ever all rolled into one.
“Why would he give me so much money?” Harper asked. “Are you certain there’s no bravery award? Maybe within the unit?”
“The military enjoys its pomp and circumstance. A bravery award given to a fallen hero would have merited a huge ceremony and the front page of the paper.”
With the sharp lens of hindsight fixed on the moment, Harper blamed her na?veté on grief. The man with the check had given her more than money; he’d given her something to cling to. Bravery. Honor. Something to be proud of in those dark days and months. Was it all a lie?
“I don’t feel right taking his money.”
“He obviously chose to give it to you and hasn’t come asking for it back.” Allison shrugged. “Seems to me he wanted you to have it for some reason.”
“But why?” Harper whispered, not expecting an answer from Allison.