“Eadlyn.”
I turned to Mom’s voice, happy to see her coming over with open arms.
“How are you feeling?”
“Totally wonderful and not at all terrified,” I joked.
“Don’t worry. Henri’s a good choice. An unlikely one, but very good still.”
I peeked to the back of the room where Eikko was straightening Henri’s tie, and they spoke back and forth, their lips a jumble of shapes I couldn’t read.
“What’s funny, though, is there’s nothing to be jealous about.”
I looked up at Mom, confused. “Jealous?”
“Earlier today when you were speaking to Marlee, you said you were jealous of what she did for love.”
“Did I say that?” I swallowed.
“You did. And I wonder why you’d be jealous of someone suffering to get to the person she loves when it seems like a very sweet boy is waltzing right into your arms.”
I froze. How could I spin this around?
“Maybe a better word would have been admire. It’s a very brave thing she did.”
Mom rolled her eyes. “If you want to lie to me, that’s fine, but I’d suggest you stop doing it to yourself before you find you’re in a position you can’t get out of.”
With that she walked on, taking a seat next to Miss Lucy and General Leger. The studio was usually cold, but I felt sure that the chill that went through me wasn’t related to the temperature.
“And you’ll wait right here,” the producer said, dragging Henri to stand beside me. “We still have some time, but don’t go running off. Has anyone seen Gavril?” she shouted to no one in particular.
Henri pointed to the tie that Eikko had just fixed. “Is good?”
“Yes.” I brushed at his shoulders and sleeves. I looked past him to Eikko, who had done an amazing job at pulling himself together. I hoped I appeared as calm on the outside as he did. Inside it felt like I was a sweater with a loose string being pulled and pulled until I’d be nothing but a knot on the floor.
I walked around Henri under the guise of double-checking his suit from all angles. I dropped my arm as I passed Eikko, and our fingers met in a kiss before I moved back to stand in front of my fiancé.
The thrill running up my skin was electrifying, so I clasped my hands together in front of me, focusing on the feeling of my engagement ring against the back of my fingers. In my periphery, Eikko’s figure disappeared through the crowd, presumably so he could find his own level of sanity in this moment.
“So,” I asked, facing Henri, “are you ready?”
He looked at me, his usually jubilant expression dim. “Are you?”
I wanted to say yes, and I could hear the word in my head, but I couldn’t manage to work it down to my mouth. So I just smiled and nodded.
He saw right through me.
Taking my hand, he pulled me toward the back of the room, toward Eikko.
“En voi,” Henri said, his tone more solemn than I’d ever heard it.
Eikko’s eyes flashed between us. “Miksi ei?”
“I am slow here,” Henri said, pointing to his mouth. “Not here.” He pointed to his eyes.
My breathing sped up, knowing my life was all about to fall apart, and terrified of what might happen after it did.
“You are love,” he said, motioning between us.
When Eikko started to shake his head, Henri sighed and picked up his right hand, pointing to the signet ring. And then he picked up mine, which still wore Eikko’s.
“Eikko, please explain to him. I have to follow through with my Selection. Tell him he’ll never need to doubt me.”
Eikko rattled off my appeal quickly, but Henri’s expression remained undeterred.
“Please,” I pleaded, grabbing onto his arm.
His expression was incredibly sweet when he spoke. “I say no.” He picked up my hand and gently pulled off my engagement ring.
The room started turning fuzzy at the edges. I was minutes away from a live announcement, and I’d just been jilted.
Henri grabbed my face, looking deeply into my eyes. “Love you,” he vowed. “Love you.” Then he turned and clutched Eikko’s arm. “And love you. My good friend. Very good friend.”
Eikko swallowed, looking ready to cry from Henri’s words. Through most of the last two months, all they’d had were each other. Forget what this moment meant for me. What did it mean for them?
Henri pulled us both in close. “You being together. I make your cake!”
Despite my worries, I laughed. Looking into Eikko’s eyes, I ached to let go and give my heart the one thing it truly wanted. But I couldn’t get past my fear.
I scanned the room, searching for the one person I needed right now. When I found him, I turned to my boys. “Wait here. Please.”
I ran across the studio. “Daddy! Dad, I need your help.”
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t want to marry Henri. I want to marry Eikko.”