‘Wow. Okay. Well, give her time. Now she’s back, I’m sure she’ll get over it.’
I want to snap that Tamsin actually has nothing to ‘get over’. She slept with my boyfriend. She should be the one apologising and begging my forgiveness. But that all sounds so petty, so I tell myself I’m better off forgetting about the woman. I need to take the high road and act like it doesn’t bother me. ‘You’re right,’ I say, biting back my feelings. ‘It’s all ancient history. I shouldn’t get so hung up on what she thinks.’
It’s a relief to change the subject. Mel fills me in on Sooz’s marriage problems, and then we chat some more about our other friends’ lives and what they’re all up to. I’m hoping Mel is going to bring up the matter of the cash she owes me, but from past experience I know that’s not likely, so I decide to be brave. ‘Hey, Mel, don’t suppose you’re able to pay back that money I lent you last night?’
‘Money?’ Her face tightens.
‘You forgot your purse, remember? I lent you eighty quid.’
‘Oh, yeah.’ She takes a sip of coffee. ‘I haven’t got any cash on me at the moment, Kirst. I had to pay the nursery some overdue fees this morning. They got all snooty with me – I really could’ve done without their attitude this morning. Honestly, I’ve got a mind to find somewhere else for the kiddiwinks to go. I’ll be glad when James starts school next year and I don’t have to pay such exorbitant fees.’
‘It’s just,’ I say, ploughing on, ‘I really need it or I’m going to go overdrawn. I’ve got a direct debit going out of my account today.’ It annoys me that I’m having to explain myself. It feels like I’m the one in the wrong. ‘It doesn’t have to be cash, you can transfer it into my account if that’s easier?’
‘Today might be tricky, hon. But I can probably sort it for you next week?’
‘Mel, you promised. Last night you said you’d pay it back today.’ I take a breath. ‘The thing is, I won’t be able to lend you any more until you’ve paid back what you owe me. It comes to over seven hundred pounds now.’ I didn’t mean for it to come out so bluntly, but I guess there really is no nice way to ask for money.
Her mouth drops open, and then she snaps it shut again.
My heart is pounding and my face has gone all hot and clammy. I feel terrible, but I won’t apologise… And then I go and do just that. ‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘I’m just tired – new baby, late night, spilt paint, noisy builders. I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just, money’s tight, you know?’
She bites her lip, subdued.
‘Look, I’d better go.’ I take a last sip of my drink and rise to my feet.
‘I’m sorry about the money, Kirst,’ she says. ‘I didn’t realise how much I’d borrowed. Are you sure it’s that much? Never mind. Whatever. It’s just…’ She heaves an enormous sigh. ‘It’s so hard being a single mum. You have no idea the strain it puts on everything. A fat tear rolls down her cheek. ‘I’ll get the money somehow. I will, I promise.’
‘Don’t cry, Mel.’ Now I feel terrible. ‘Of course it’s hard. Of course it is. Just… pay me back whenever you’re able to, okay. No pressure at all.’ I know as I say these words that I’ll never see that money again, but it’s fine. I’d rather keep our friendship than let a few hundred quid get between us. ‘Forget I asked, okay?’
Mel sniffs and wipes her eyes. ‘Thanks, hon.’ She stands up and we hug. ‘God, the state of us, both blubbing away. That’ll teach us to get pissed on a school night.’
I don’t bother to remind her that she’s the only one of us who was drinking last night. We say goodbye and I head back to my house. My earlier burst of energy has evaporated and I don’t think I could face going for a walk now. Maybe I’ll slob out on the sofa and watch some crappy TV with the sound turned up loud to drown out the drilling, see if that will take my mind off things.
I realise I’ll have to tell Dominic about the money. He won’t be at all pleased. As I walk back across the road, my annoyance grows. Once again, I’ve let myself be duped by Mel. She always does this. Gives me a sob story and I fall for it. I’d be happy to help out if she really needed the money, but the reality is, her monthly maintenance cheques are more than double what Dominic and I earn jointly. She has money to remodel her kitchen, but not for nursery fees. Money to spend on new clothes, but somehow the electric bill becomes overdue and then I have to bail her out. Mel always comes up with some excuse not to pay me, and every time I fall for it.
I hate feeling like this; bitter and angry. It’s not who I am. But the hard knot in my chest is saying otherwise. Do I even know who I am any more?
Ten
Incredibly, the builders haven’t turned up to number six today. Granted, it is a Saturday, but that’s never stopped them before in the two months they’ve been working there. Whatever the reason, it’s a welcome relief to wake up to relative silence. And, even better, I only checked the locks once last night and then managed to sleep right though. I almost feel like I’m back to normal.
With Dominic at home this morning and the sun shining, my worries for Daisy’s safety have shifted to the back-burner. I even feel semi-okay having the back doors open, although I can’t help scanning the fences every few minutes. Dom helped me tackle the paint spill yesterday evening and we managed to get most of it up. But there’s still a massive white stain over the step and the pathway. It doesn’t look like we’ll ever get rid of it properly.
‘Cup of tea in the garden?’ Dom asks.
‘Sounds good,’ I reply, my voice sounding more upbeat. I take Daisy outside and lay her on the grass on her play mat under the faded green sun umbrella. Then I plonk myself down on one of the garden chairs. When we first bought the wooden patio set, we had good intentions about oiling the wood every year to keep it looking nice. Of course, that never happened and now the wood is grey and flaky with neglect.
Dom brings out two mugs of tea and places them on the table before sitting across from me. ‘Did you see the Parkfields have got a “sold” sign on their house?’ he says.
‘Really?’ I sit up a bit straighter. I knew number three was for sale, but hadn’t thought much about it.
‘So, looks like we’ll be having new neighbours,’ Dom adds.
‘I hope they’re nice. I wonder where the Parkfields are moving to.’ Dom and I don’t have much to do with them socially, what with him being the headmaster of my school and Lorna being stand-offish. I suppose Stephen Parkfield likes to keep work and pleasure separate, which is fine by me.
‘No idea,’ Dom replies, taking a sip of his tea.
‘I wonder if that means Parkfield will be leaving St George’s,’ I muse.
‘Maybe,’ Dom says.
‘They’ll probably know about it at work.’ Since being on maternity leave, I’ve been out of the loop. I make a mental note to text Tim, my head of department, for any gossip. ‘And if Parkfield leaves, maybe that means their girls will be leaving St George’s too.’
‘Mmm,’ Dom replies. I can tell he’s not really listening, with his face turned up towards the sun, eyes closed.
I’ve taught all of Parkfield’s stepdaughters at one time or another. ‘Jess and Lydia are sweet girls,’ I continue, ‘but I won’t miss Hannah. She’s got a real mouth on her.’
‘That the eldest?’ Dom asks.
‘Yeah.’
‘They’ve been on holiday all summer.’ I pick at a splinter of flaking wood, peeling it back from the top of the patio table. ‘They only got back this week.’
‘All right for some,’ Dom murmurs.
‘To be honest, I’m relieved they’re moving. It’s always been a bit weird, living next door to my boss.’
‘Yeah.’
‘As long as whoever moves in doesn’t start knocking walls down,’ I say. ‘I don’t think I could cope with building work on both sides.’
‘No. That would not be cool.’
I take a sip of tea and look down at Daisy who’s cooing and smiling under her play mat, tugging at the scrunchy giraffe that’s hanging above her.
‘Dom, I need to tell you something.’