She faces me again, her expression hard, not at all soft like it’d been when she looked at him. “I asked him to come tonight. It’s my birthday. Don’t ruin it for me anymore than you already have.”
If she’d taken a knife and shoved it right in my chest, it would’ve hurt a lot less than hearing those words from her. “Is that what you want?” I hiss, fists clenched again as I fight the primal beating of every male instinct in my body. Will she ever know how much this is costing me right now? How hard it is not to grab her?
Is she aware that her hands are still on my chest, as if she can’t let go, despite what she’s saying?
“You want him here instead of me?” The words are nothing more than a whisper, meant only for her to hear, but that doesn’t mean I don’t hear the hurt behind them.
That she doesn’t.
Her eyelashes flutter, and she blinks up at me, surprised, like it’s fucking mind blowing that I’m aching over her right now.
Was I really that good all these years? I somehow managed to convince her I didn’t care this much?
“I . . . I . . .”
“Say it, Kira.” I lower my head just an inch, dying to lower it the rest of the way, to feel those pouty lips. To claim them in front of Austin. But I don’t. For her, I hold back, forcing myself to keep an appropriate distance, to only stare into her eyes. “Tell me you want him here instead of me.”
Her fingers flex on my pecs, and I can sense how hard it is for her not to grab onto me right now. “Will you actually leave without a fight if I do?” Her eyes flash as she waits for my answer.
A challenge.
I swallow back every selfish demand that my mind, heart, and body shout out, and nod at her. “If that’s what you want . . . “
We stare each other, and I can’t make out what I see in her eyes, but I do see one thing loud and clear.
She’s struggling.
Her chest shakes with her next breath, and even after her lips part, it takes her a few seconds to get the words out. “I . . . yeah. Go. I asked him to be here tonight.”
Holy fuck, this girl actually has me close to crying. “You asked him. But you didn’t say it. Do you want him here instead of me?”
Her stubborn little chin rises. I almost expect her to say it and I brace myself for the impact.
She doesn’t.
And in the silence that follows, somehow we end up an inch closer, and I have no clue if I made the move, or if she did.
We’re panting, breath for fucking breath, our bodies more in sync than they’ve ever been. I realize this, and with that realization comes a spark of hope. Hope that what’s between us will help her make the right choice.
That right here, right now, in this fucked-up moment, she’s feeling me, and that she gets the pain eating at my insides.
“I want him here instead of you,” she whispers out of nowhere, so low I almost lie to myself and tell myself I didn’t hear her. Her eyes won’t meet mine.
“W-what?”
Kira swallows, and I think I see tears swimming in her eyes, but then she blinks and they’re gone. “You heard me. He stays. I want you to go.”
I can’t remember anyone ever fucking up my head as much as my parents’ fighting had, but this moment right here, if I can’t fix it, if there’s no bouncing back for us, will be one that I never forget.
The girl I love just chose another man over me.
She wants him here on her eighteenth birthday instead of me.
She gave him her virginity instead of me.
I deserved all of that; it won’t matter in the long run. If I can’t win her back, this night will fuck with my head for the rest of my life, ruining any chance of me loving any other girl ever again.
She’s destroying me.
The fucked-up part? She has every right to do so.
And I love her, so I’ll give her that.
I jerk away from her, and her hands drop to her sides. I don’t miss seeing her clench them.
I wish that were enough to ease the howling inside me. I really do. It might be hard for her to let me go, but she’s still choosing to do so, and she’s choosing to do it over him.
Will she let him touch her tonight once I’m gone? Make love to her?
I stop that train of thought before I lose it all and say fuck it as I storm around her and head back to destroy Austin.
“Enjoy the rest of your birthday,” I tell her. The sad thing is, I really do mean it, and I know she can hear that.
Her mouth falls open and a stricken look crosses her face for a moment.
Then, just like that last beautiful softening of her guard, it’s gone with a blink.
Christ. I’ve done a million hard things when it comes to this girl, but this one takes the cake.
I’m tempted to jog down the driveway because it’ll get me out of there faster, but I refuse to look like I’m running away in front of Austin. Stepping up to Kira, I pause long enough to lean down and place a quick kiss on her forehead.
It isn’t quick, though. My lips refuse to leave her skin, and my eyes slide closed as I take in the scent of her, like a man starved. She doesn’t acknowledge my kiss, nor does she move away. Eventually, common sense returns, and when I open my eyes and move away from her, that bastard Austin is there, staring at us.