My brothers all had private planes, so it wasn’t unusual for me to see this level of comfort and convenience in a private jet. But it did feel strange to be the only other passenger in such a massive aircraft.
The sleeping area had a large king-sized bed, and a bathroom attached. I popped into the restroom to change into a nightgown. Seeing my suitcase next to the bedroom door had been no surprise. Marcus obviously demanded efficiency from his staff, and he got it without question.
“You done with the bathroom?” The sound of Marcus’s voice beside me in the bedroom nearly made me jump out of my own skin. Yeah, I knew he was still onboard, but he’d startled me.
Right now, it didn’t take much to make me jumpy.
I nodded. The restroom had two entrances. One connected to the bedroom, and the other was right outside the bedroom door. A quick glance told me that the bathroom door next to the bedroom was closed, and Marcus was just politely checking to see if I was done.
I tried to calm my nerves, berating myself for being so damn jittery, and then looked up at Marcus to reassure him I wasn’t a lunatic.
His sharp, ever-changing eyes were so intense that they felt like they were prying open my soul.
Without looking away from me, he answered, “I wanted to freshen up.” He paused before asking, “Hey, are you okay? You’re really pale.”
“I-I’m fine,” I lied easily.
In truth, I wasn’t feeling well at all. My body was slowly getting stronger, but my mind wasn’t functioning as well as it used to. I obviously startled easily, and I couldn’t seem to keep my thoughts from returning to my time as a captive.
I’m safe. I’m safe.
I wondered if I kept up the mantra for a while, if I’d start to actually believe that nobody was going to hurt me.
“Bullshit,” Marcus cursed. “You look like you can barely stand up.”
He moved closer, his big body crowding me against the wall like he was ready to support me if I fell.
“I’m tired,” I admitted as I continued to look up at him, trying not to react when he put a hand on each side of the wall, leaving me trapped.
“What else, Danica? What’s bothering you? I know that look on your face. I’ve seen it before in other rescue situations.”
Marcus was my only confidante at the moment, so I either told him what was wrong, or I kept it bottled up inside. I decided on the former. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened. I was so damn certain I was going to die, Marcus. Returning to this world, knowing that I’m not going to be hurt again is pretty surreal. I’m happy. I really am. But the fear won’t go away.” The words tumbled out of my mouth awkwardly.
“That’s normal,” he told me. “You can’t survive an ordeal like you went through without developing a heavy dose of worry and anxiety. Do you want to talk about it?”
Yes!
No!
Oh hell, I didn’t know what I wanted. Maybe I needed to talk, but I certainly didn’t want to, especially to Marcus. I was too used to always keeping my guard up around him. However, he was all I had right now.
“Not really,” I murmured. “It’s in the past. I just want to be myself again.”
“I’m sorry we didn’t get to you sooner,” Marcus rumbled. “You were at those bastards’ mercy for too damn long.”
“You saved my life,” I reminded him. “And it was a considerable risk for you and the rest of the rescue team. I’m just grateful you got there before I was dead.”
Marcus lifted a hand to my face, and I automatically flinched. But he simply stroked over my bruised skin as he replied, “The assholes will pay for every damn time they touched you, Danica. I swear.”
I shook my head. “I doubt they’ll ever be found.”
“They will,” Marcus contradicted. “All of them are probably dead by now. The military was contacted the moment we moved out of the area so they could do an air strike on the compound.” He paused before asking, “They’re all dead. Does that help?”
Did it help to know that my tormentors were probably no longer alive? I wasn’t certain it made a difference. “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “They’re still not dead in my mind, Marcus.”
His touch was tender on my damaged skin, and his scent and warmth was intoxicating. Pretending I had Marcus to protect me helped. My mind was focused on him and the way he made me feel normal again.
“You’ll stay safe, Dani. Nobody is going to hurt you again,” he said with a feral growl.
Hesitantly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, shivering from just the casual contact of my fingers at the nape of his neck. “Thank you,” I whispered, my gaze getting lost in his forceful gray stare.
His head came down slowly, giving me plenty of time to avoid him had I chosen to do so. But I wanted Marcus to touch me. I wanted to feel alive.
The embrace was gentle, a coaxing meeting of mouths, Marcus trying to cajole something out of me that he couldn’t do with words.
His put his arms around me as he plundered my mouth, his hands stroking down my back and landing on my ass.
The second he pulled me forward, my scantily clad body colliding with his, I lost the sense of protection, heat, and tenderness in his kiss. His bold erection pressed against my lower abdomen, and I panicked, forgetting everything except my instinctive, visceral reaction.
My hands went to his chest, and I started to claw to get away from him. I tore my lips from his, unable to endure the flashes of memory that tore through my head. “No. Please. Don’t.”
“Dani!” Marcus said firmly, giving me a gentle shake. “What the hell happened? Open your eyes.”
His commands finally sunk into my confused brain, and I opened my eyes. I hadn’t even realized that I’d closed them to try to fend off the flashbacks, a spontaneous reaction that had just made them worse.
“Marcus?” His face was right there in my vision. “Oh, God. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault. I’m going to ask you one more time…Are you okay?”
Tears slid down my cheeks as I looked up at him. “No,” I answered. “I don’t think I am okay. Right now, I’m not sure I’ll ever be normal again. I feel like a prisoner in my own body. It scares me.”
“I know. Things will get better. But I can’t help you if you don’t want to talk about what happened.” He hesitated, his eyes assessing my face. “You said you weren’t sexually assaulted, but I think you’re lying.”
Breaking easily away from Marcus’s hold, I swiped the tears from my face. “It’s hard to talk about that period of time,” I answered truthfully. “I was degraded, beaten down until I didn’t even want to fight anymore. But I couldn’t not try to fend them off. I don’t want anybody to know everything that happened to me. I don’t want to keep living it over and over again.”
Every emotion I had seemed to have rocketed to the surface.
I continued with my back to Marcus. “It was like a horrible nightmare that I couldn’t escape even when I was awake. Especially while I was conscious and fairly alert. At first, it took several men to hold me down while I was raped. Eventually, they only needed a few. As I got weaker, I became easier and easier to use and torture.”