And immediately I felt like shit.
Especially since she’d volunteered all of the above in order to get the job. It was one of Jaymeson’s rules.
She had to be clean.
And since she was kissing so many dudes, he wanted her to be clean in every possible way.
Plus, it was a reminder not to screw up.
And in Jaymeson’s words, a way to own her humbleness.
“Sorry.” It hurt like hell to form the word let alone release it into the space between us. “That was too far.”
She shook her head and took a step backward then sat down on the leather couch, it made a squishing sound.
Darkness enveloped the house.
What the hell had I been thinking? I should have hired a babysitter for her, not actually taken the job. I wasn’t going to make it out alive; I was already struggling breathing the same air, knowing her lips had tasted the same spaces that were hitting my body.
Damn, I was losing my mind.
“Hungry?” I nearly sprinted into the kitchen. “I had everything stocked for us. We’ll have someone come in once a week and re-stock, just make sure you write the housekeeper a note so she knows.”
“Not hungry,” Angelica finally said after a few seconds of silence. “I think I’ll just go to bed.” She stood. “Which room is mine?”
“The one next to mine.” I tried not to sound gruff, but it came out all wrong, like I was still pissed when I was just having a really hard time keeping my memories of her naked body on lockdown. What kind of horrible person had she turned me into?
I led the way down the hall, past the master, and flicked on the light in the largest of the guest rooms.
Angelica walked in past me. “Well at least I have all of my clothes.”
“Everything you brought is here.” I shrugged. “Your call time is five-thirty a.m. Get some sleep.”
I turned to leave, well aware of her footsteps behind me. I didn’t make it very far into the living room before I heard her yell.
“Where the HELL is my door?”
I smirked and waited.
She stomped down the hall. I turned.
Face redder than I’d ever see it, she thrust a finger in my direction. “Will this isn’t funny.”
“Do I look like I’m laughing?”
“Will!” She screeched. “I need a damn door!”
“So you can do drugs? Sneak out? Sneak people in?” I shook my head, “Hell no, you get no door. Besides, it’s not like I haven’t seen it all before — right?”
“You’re a sick bastard.”
“All right.” I stalked toward her. “But I’m the sick bastard who’s helping save your career. You get a door when you pass six weeks’ worth of drug tests and when I say door I mean one of those little bead things tween girls get that make noise every time you walk through.”
She exhaled, eyes filling with tears while her body shook with rage. “I’m clean. You know I’m clean.”
“So stay clean, and you get a door. The math isn’t hard, Ang. No drugs equals privacy. And any sort of drugs or rule breaking means your ass is on the first plane back to LA.”
“You treat all your clients like they’re your children?”
“Only ones who clearly need parenting.”
“Pretty sick words for someone who’s seen it all, huh Will?” She jerked her tank top over her head and tossed it on the floor between us, she may as well be throwing down a gauntlet.
I kept my jaw locked.
My stare indifferent.
“All right.” She hooked her fingers into her shorts and shoved them down her long tan legs, stepped out of them and waited. Baiting me.
I wasn’t going to bite.
I knew her game.
And players weren’t given unlimited lives.
With a scowl, she clenched her fists and then dropped her bra.
Topless.
I flinched.
I didn’t mean to.
So when she tugged her black boy-shorts next, I forced my eyes not to blink. They burned as my entire body demanded I lick and swallow her whole.
Then go back for seconds.
My smile was cruel when I wanted it to be loving.
I hated myself in that moment. For allowing her to make me that man, the one who would break her.
When I knew all she ever wanted was love. Acceptance.
But we were too far gone.
With a sigh, I slowly approached her, then knelt, bracing her hips with my hands like I was going to press a kiss to her belly button, I ran my hands down her hips. Her body gave a jerk as her head fell back, her fingers dug into my hair.
I winced at the contact.
It would be too easy.
But there was a giant past between us.
A river of sins separated us.
I slid my hands down her perfect legs, then grabbed her discarded clothes and stood. “I think you dropped these.” I brushed a rough kiss to her cheek, and brought my lips to her ear. “Go to bed, Ang.”
Breathing ragged, she grabbed the wad of clothes from my hands and stumbled backward, tears filling her eyes.
No door slammed but I imagined that if she had one, it would have splintered into a thousand tiny pieces as I turned on my heel and walked into my own room, body stiff as a board.
Brain reeling from the encounter.
And in need of a cold shower.
Or twenty.
I might loathe the woman.
Hate beyond words.
But one thing rang true — she was absolutely heart-stompingly — beautiful.
And at one time — she’d been mine.
Those hips.
Those breasts.
Those legs wrapped around me.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
Until she was someone else’s completely.
And I had nothing.
I pounded the wall with a fist and slowly made my way to the bathroom, jerking the knob full blast on cold.
I BLINKED UP at the white ceiling, willing the tears to dry. Praying they wouldn’t slip free — because once they were loose there was no stopping the onslaught of emotion that would follow, the devastation, the earth-shattering realization that nothing would ever be the same between us. Not if he could help it — and not with me constantly pushing him.
But at least pushing him got me a reaction that proved he wasn’t a complete indifferent sociopath.
I refused to let him get to me.
With a sigh I turned onto my side and stared out the window imagining a different time a different place, where he was by my side — and promised to never leave.
That and the way his hands ran down my skin like he was getting ready to worship me the way he used to.
Only his face hadn’t been filled with wonder — disgust was more like it.
I clung to the anger like a blanket. It was the only way to sleep, the only way I was able to close my eyes and pray the sickness in my chest away.
Anger forced me to focus on doing my job and getting as far away from my past as possible.
Weakness would just make me sad.
It would make me that — weak;
And I knew where that road led.
It led me directly back to all the things that turned me down that road in the first place.
Not being good enough.
Pretty enough.
Funny enough.
Weakness led me to a false sense of strength.
And my number one weakness had always been Will Sutherland.