“Yes.” I nod, and he adjusts me until I’m straddling him, then takes my face between his large palms.
“Juan is my main suspect in the murders of two other women. Both were from his stable. Both were known to be in relationships with him prior to their deaths.” Swallowing down the sudden bile that rises to the back of my throat, I close my eyes. “I’m not saying that’s what happened to Tamara’s mother, but with her missing and his history, it’s likely that she could be one of his victims.
“My poor girl,” I whisper, and he brushes a soft kiss over my lips.
“Don’t give up hope,” he demands, running the pads of his thumbs along the underside of my jaw. “She may turn up—she may be hiding from him. All we know right now is that she’s missing.”
“I know,” I agree as a sinking feeling fills the pit of my stomach. I don’t know how Tamara will deal with the loss of her mother if she doesn’t turn up. I can’t imagine having to go through something like that at her age. I just pray she’s strong enough to get through whatever happens.
“Do you feel up to a run?” he asks, and I look out the window. Winter has hit New York, and it’s not only cold, but also it snowed yesterday evening, turning everything white except the sidewalks that have been cleared.
“Actually, yeah,” I say knowing a run will help me clear my head, which is probably the reason he’s suggesting it.
“Up you go.” He taps my thigh before helping me stand. “We’ll stop for breakfast at the diner on the way back.”
“Sounds good to me.” I give him a quick kiss when he pulls me in, and then head for his room, where most of my clothes have ended up in the last week. Actually, I don’t even remember the last time I was over at my place. We have just kind of fallen into a routine of staying at his apartment.
After putting on running gear, we head out, leaving Muffin behind—not that she’s upset about it. She didn’t even want to go out to use the bathroom, which wasn’t surprising, but Levi forced her to while I was getting ready.
I don’t listen to music like I normally do; I just run in pace with Levi, listening to his controlled breathing. By the time we are done, I’m starving and freezing, so I’m a little more excited than usual to go eat. As we make our way toward the diner hand in hand, my stomach growls, and Levi smiles down at me.
“Hungry?”
“Very.” I smile back as he pushes open the door to the restaurant. Finding an empty booth, I slide in, and just like always, he slides in next to me.
“What can I get you two?” a waitress asks, and I look up at her while blowing on the tips of my ice-cold fingers.
“Two coffees, please,” Levi says.
As she walks off, she nods, muttering, “Got it.”
“Still cold?” he asks, grabbing my hands and holding them between his warm ones.
“Yes, I knew it would be cold, but I didn’t think it would be that cold out,” I say, feeling a little dizzy as he puts the tips of my fingers against his mouth, blowing on them.
“I know something that could warm you up.” He winks, and my stomach dips.
“I bet you do.” I laugh, and he smiles and kisses me softly, then moves away when the waitress sets two cups of coffee in front of us.
“Do you know what you’d like to order?” she questions, pulling out a pad of paper and a pen.
“She’ll have the chocolate chip pancakes, and I’ll have the hungry man’s breakfast,” Levi tells her. She jots down our orders on her pad, then takes off again.
“How did you know that’s what I wanted?”
“Babe, you order the same thing every time we come here, unless it’s after eleven. Then you get a turkey club.”
“I’m kinda boring.”
“You’re perfect,” he says, turning to look at me, and I notice his eyes are soft. “You’re perfect for me,” he continues, then leans in, resting his forehead to mine. “I love waking up to you and coming home to you at night.” Oh god.
“I love that, too,” I agree quietly as my stomach fills with butterflies.
“How would you feel about moving in with me?”
My mouth goes dry, and I blink at him, wondering if I just heard him correctly. “Pardon?”
“It doesn’t make sense for you to pay rent for a place you’re never at.” That’s true, but moving in together is not a step forward—it’s a giant leap.
“I . . . Don’t you think it’s way too soon for that?” I ask, and he searches my face for a long moment.
“If I thought it was, I wouldn’t be bringing it up,” he says, leaning back and touching the side of my face softly with the tips of his fingers. “When is your lease up?”
“In February,” I say quietly as my heart begins to pick up tempo at the idea of living with him.
“We can wait until then to decide if that makes you feel more comfortable.”
“I . . . This is all just very fast.” I shake my head while moving my hand between the two of us.
“Yeah, you’re right, this is all fast, but tell me you’re not happy and that this doesn’t feel right.” I would be lying if I said it didn’t feel right, if I said being with him didn’t make me happy. I’m pretty sure I’m past the falling-in-love part and now just plain ol’ in love with Levi—not that he knows it. We have spent every night together unless he’s working, but even then he always crawls into bed with me at some point during the night, and when we have days off, we’ve spent them together, hanging at home or traipsing around the city going to the movies and out to eat. I’ve even gotten him to go to a couple of museums, even though he said he hates that kind of stuff. But are we ready to live together? That I just don’t know.
“I’m happy, so, so happy, but I really think I would feel better if we waited until my lease is up to make that kind of decision,” I say regretfully, and his eyes soften as he leans closer.
“That’s fine with me, and it’s not going to change anything, so stop tearing at your lip,” he says, pulling down on my chin and forcing me to release my lip. I hadn’t even realized I was chewing on it. “I want to make sure you’re ready, too. I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.”
“Are you . . .” I swallow and pull in a breath. “Are you ready to live with me?” He leans in close enough that I can smell the mint and coffee on his breath.
“I’ve been ready, gorgeous, but this isn’t about me being ready. It’s about you feeling secure enough with me that you know you can trust me.”
I already know I can trust him. I also know the thing that is holding me back from jumping into his arms and screaming Yes, yes, yes, I want to live with you. He never once mentioned love, and although I have no doubt that he cares about me, being in love with me is something altogether different. “Eat, baby.” He leans in, kissing me, after the waitress places our food on the table, and I do eat, wondering why I can’t just tell him that I love him.