Rocked Up

And most of all, I want him.

For once, I don’t feel overwhelmed by the impossibility of my fantasy, of my wish. I feel good, right, like I’m supposed to be here and feeling these things. That this is the start of something wonderful. The start of the real me.

This will happen, I tell myself. You know you can make this happen.

I keep repeating it to myself, spending half the show in some pocket of self-awareness, this drive and resolve building inside my heart. Then I realize I need to pull myself into the moment, into what I’m witnessing.

I watch the band, bobbing my head in time with everyone else on the side stage with me (Jerry included) and sing my heart out.

When it’s all over, my throat is raw and I feel high. Better than the glass of wine I had once, better than the joints I’ve smoked a few times. Better than my best dream. I’m floating and I never want to come down.

“That was amaaaaaazing!” Shelby yells at me, looking just as euphoric as I feel. Though her voice does sound a bit muffled and far away, which makes me realize how loud that show must have been. “That was the best thing in the world! I’m so happy right now!”

I nod and while I feel all she’s feeling, it’s almost too personal for me to put into words. “Let’s go and try and find them,” I tell her, noting they walked off the stage already.

“Okay!”

But we’re not the only people with this idea. Their dressing room door is closed, guarded by some security, but people like Jerry Cantrell and the drummer from Tool are able to waltz on in with no problem.

Jerks.

We’re nothing if not persistent though. The show has given me new confidence, bolstered me into believing that we will meet them and everything is going to be all right.

Then it happens. An hour has passed with us loitering outside, listening to their cheers and debauchery from inside the dressing room, and then the door opens and Jerry steps out.

He gives us a polite nod – we’re so old friends at this point – before walking away and then Switch comes out to talk to someone, beer in hand.

Before I know what’s going on, the entire band is out in the hallway with us.

Including Brad.

My whole body jolts in his presence, like I’ve been plugged into a lightning bolt.

But he starts to walk off, away from us.

Shelby says softly, “Oh no.”

I won’t let this happen.

I cry out, “Brad!”

And he stops.

Turns around to look at us.

Looks into my eyes.

My knees start to shake. He’s so beautiful, that thick dark hair, those arched sexy brows, that sweet mouth that I bet kisses so well.

And he’s looking at me expectantly.

Or, he was.

He just gives us a polite smile and a wave and turns to walk off again.

We’re just two little girls to him.

Then Shelby yells, “This is Ronald Ramsey’s daughter!”

I could kick Shelby right now. She yelled it so loud that everyone turned to look at us.

But I can’t kick her, I can’t even glare at her or say anything.

I can’t move. I am frozen, a statue.

My heart is going a mile a minute on the inside but on the outside, I might as well be made of ice.

I’m not sure I can breathe either.

That’s even more apparent as Brad starts walking toward us.

“You’re Lael?” he asks, his voice rich and low as he stops a few feet from us.

I can’t even nod.

“She is,” Shelby says, nudging me.

I’m still slack-jawed. I can only stare at him.

His dark eyes take me in and I feel a million volts of intense current run between us.

“I’m Shelby,” she goes on. “You guys were sooooo awesome tonight, that was the best show ever.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” he says to her before bringing his eyes back to me. “Are you okay, Lael?”

My name. He said my name again! It sounds so beautiful coming from his lips!

And no.

I’m not okay.

Everything is starting to go grey around the edges.

His eyes darken with concern and he gives me a wry smile. “Breathe,” he says. “Just breathe.”

I try and take in a breath but nothing seems to happen.

Oh my god. I can’t breathe!

Oh my god. I think I’m passing out!

“Lael,” Shelby says in frustration. “You’re being ridiculous! Stop embarrassing me.”

“She’s looking a little pale,” Brad says, taking a step closer as he examines me. “Maybe you should sit down.”

I open my mouth to say something just as the world begins to spin and I tilt to the left.

I don’t feel anything but I do hear Switch’s voice in the distance.

“Looks like we’ve got another fainter, people!”

The world goes grey, then black.

Then grey.

Then white.

“Lael?”

I open my eyes to see Arnie beside me, handing me a glass of water. Shelby is on the other side, hand at my back.

I’m sitting on a couch in a dressing room.

We’re the only ones in here.

“What happened?” I ask, taking the water from Arnie and gulping it down.

“You fainted, love,” he says.

“It was so embarrassing,” Shelby says.

I place my head in my hands, feeling so angry and sad and mad and shamed. I’ve never fainted before, ever!

“It happens to a lot of people,” Arnie says. “Believe me. There’s a fainter at almost every show. Brad just has that effect on some people. Who bloody knows why.”

Because he’s too good to be true, I think to myself.

I look up at Arnie. “Where is Brad?”

“He’s left,” he says. “He doesn’t stick around for that long after shows. He doesn’t party much, or drink much either. Keeps to himself.”

“Will you tell him I’m sorry?”

Arnie pats me on the back. “He doesn’t care. He thinks it’s flattering and he’s used to it too. Don’t worry about it, love. But I do have to tell you that the limo is waiting outside to take you back. Hope you both enjoyed the show.”

“We did,” Shelby says and even though I know she’s so mad at me, she helps me to my feet.

We say bye to Arnie and then make our way down the hall. Switch and Calvi and Nick are still here, drinking and laughing. They don’t pay us any attention which is a relief. I walk past them and we head out of the theater and into the night.

“Way to go, numbnuts,” Shelby says to me as we get in the waiting limo. “You meet Brad and then you faint. You were supposed to play it cool.”

“I don’t know what happened.”

She rolls her eyes. “He knocked you unconscious with his hotness, that’s what happened.”

Then she starts laughing hysterically.

I start laughing too.

We laugh all the way back to my house where she stays the night and we have a sleepover. We go over everything that happened, every single moment of the night, so that we’ll never ever forget it.

And I start planning on ways to see Brad Snyder again.

Next time, it’s going to be different.





Chapter One





Lael




My knuckles on the steering wheel are bone white from gripping it so hard.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous before.