And when I turned back, I saw why.
A.J. stood there, watching Happy and Dave rekindle their bond. He didn’t look upset or disgusted. Just curious.
The light grunt that escaped me had everyone turning toward my son, and when they did, they stilled completely, frozen in shock.
It took him a while before he spoke, but I knew he would eventually.
“Uncle Happy,” he asked inquisitively, “Why are you kissing Dave?”
My heart stuttered.
Oh, God, I wasn’t prepared for this talk. Why was I not prepared for this talk? I knew it would come eventually. I should have been ready for this talk!
Happy’s looked panicked. “Uh....”
“Well...” Dave’s cheeks were flushed and he swallowed hard. “You see, little dude....” Dave trailed off, not sure what to say, looking to me for help.
An unsuspected hero came to the rescue.
“Come here, bud,” Twitch uttered, patting the small spot next to him. “Sit.” A.J. took the seat next to his father, and when Twitch spoke, I was stunned by what he said. “Uncle Happy and Dave are in love, and that’s why they were kissing.”
Ugh. My heart.
The little monster frowned in thought. “But I thought Nikki and Uncle Happy loved each other.”
“We do.” Nikki smiled sweetly. “Very much.” She peered over at Dave. “But we love Dave too.”
Twitch looked down at our little guy, and explained, “Sometimes dudes fall in love with dudes, and that’s okay.”
Yes, it was, baby. Preach.
A moment’s silence passed.
A.J. turned to Nikki and asked interestedly, “Do you all sleep in the same bed?”
Well, shit.
My stomach dipped violently.
Nikki got over her shock quickly and cleared her throat. “Yes, we do, honey.”
A.J.’s nose bunched as he looked over at Happy and Dave. When he turned back to Nikki, he said, “Don’t you get squished?”
Nikki’s surprised laughter sounded throughout the room, and she nodded. “Well, yeah. Sometimes I do.”
A.J. sat back into his grinning father and threw out a suggestion. “Maybe you should get a bigger bed.”
“You know what?” Nikki stifled her laughter. “That’s a great idea. Maybe we should.”
And while all of this was happening, I just sat there, blinking down at my son. The amount of pride I felt in that moment was incomparable. He really was a beautiful soul. Our boy. A.J was resilient, he was pure of heart, and he continued to amaze me. As mothers often did, I couldn’t wait to see the man he would become. I already knew he would be something special, and the woman who captured his heart would be exceptional in every way, shape, and form.
I, for one, couldn’t wait to meet her.
The afternoon went on, and after I signed the forms, I handed them to Happy. “Thank you for doing this.”
He tucked the Power of Attorney papers into his jacket pocket. “Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about the house. Don’t worry about anything. I’ll make sure you get the best possible price for it.” He inclined his head to Twitch. “You too, bro.”
I knew he would, but as I looked around the house I called home for the last six years, I couldn’t help but feel a sweeping sadness rush through me. I hugged myself as I looked down the hall. The very same hall my son had taken his first steps in. There were a lot of memories lining these walls. I just hoped they would stay fresh in my mind as we made new memories wherever we ended up.
Arms came around my waist and held me as I fell apart on the inside. The man behind me remained silent, and I loved him for knowing that words couldn’t describe what I was feeling right then.
We were days away from uprooting and I was anxious.
It was a bold move.
No home. No friends. No bed to sleep in. Starting from scratch at thirty-eight years old. It was rough.
My chest ached at the realization that I only had days left with everything I knew and loved, everything familiar to me. And that sucked. But what sucked worse was the six years I spent without the man I loved.
I would choose him.
I would choose him a thousand times.
I would choose him for eternity, because my heart remained empty without him.
So we would move and we would do it happily.
Together, as a family.
I was proud of myself.
Saying goodbye was harder than I imagined, and I imagined it to be horrible, so that was saying something. All of our friends and family came to see us off, and while Ethan Black stood off to the side, we embraced our loved ones with heavy hearts and shining eyes.
Julius snaked his arms around me. “We’ll visit,” he rumbled tightly. I squeezed him tighter, unable to speak, and when Ana threw her arms around the both of us, my throat constricted uncomfortably.
I would miss them terribly, all of them, equally.
So when Ana knelt in front of A.J. and handed him the same brown bear he had given her what seemed like a lifetime ago, he blinked down at it before frowning in question. And when she spoke, she spoke clearly without the shake in her voice I’d heard so often, without the crippling fear I knew she carried inside of her. With Ling gone, part of Ana had healed. “I know you’re a big boy and you don’t need him anymore.” She looked down at the bear. “Whenever I would feel sad or lonely, I would hug brown bear. And your bear did a real good job of chasing that sadness away.” Her expression fell as she lifted the bear and hugged him one last time. When she was done, she held him out to my son. “But it’s time he was returned to you.”
A.J. looked torn. He hesitated. “But he’s yours now. You need him.”
Ana reached out and cupped A.J.’s cheek lovingly, as she whispered, “I think you need him more.”
Oh, Jesus. My heart. They were killing me.
A.J. reluctantly took his brown bear from Ana. He peered down at the plush, cookie-scented teddy a long moment before he leapt into Ana’s arms. She hugged him and kissed him and whispered endlessly into his ear, and when they finally separated, both of their eyes were misting.
It broke my heart.
Well, this blew.
Ethan cleared his throat from the sidelines and my gut cramped. It was time. And as we made the move to do the long walk into the international terminal, I held it together. I waved and smiled and held my shit together like my world wasn’t falling apart. I kept that false smile pasted on my face until we boarded. I wore that smile like a mask until we found our seats, and I held it there. A piece of armor. A heavy shield. My smile was my sword. I held it there as the plane took off. Once we were flying high, only then did I allow it to falter.
My smile wobbled and wavered. The inevitable sting of salty tears behind my lids. I took in a quavering breath as the mask I wore crumbled to pieces, and when the first sob hit me, it hit me hard, leaving me gasping for air.
Without a word, Twitch lifted the armrest between us and pulled me onto his lap. I buried my face into the crook of his neck and wept openly as he kissed my cheek, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I was emotional. A wreck. And he let me be without judgment or scorn. He let me be me, and I didn’t think there was anything more important in the world than being with somebody who didn’t fear your demons, but made love to them.
I cried until there were no tears left in me, and when I was done, the sorrow had ebbed out of me. I felt better, lighter.
Slowly, I slid my legs off of my rock and shuffled back into my own seat, swiping at my red, swollen eyes. He left me be a while, but when the silence between us started to bother him, he leaned over into my face, and as I blinked at him through wide eyes, he demanded quietly, “Kiss me.”
There would never be a time in my life when I would deny myself the feel of Antonio Falco’s lips against mine.
I kissed him softly, my hand coming up to cup his cheek as I did. And when I pulled back, he leaned back in to peck at my lips. My heart warmed and a smile took me by surprise.
With our son by our side, we held hands the entire journey home.