Swallowing becomes painful when he inches my skirt up a little higher.
“No pressure, okay?” he asks sincerely. “But I want you to be my first. Obviously being my last would also be ideal.”
I can tell he’s nervous and trying to add in some humor. The fact he’s sweet and adorable is the main reason I fell for him. He’s not cocky. He’s not a jerk. He’s not a bad boy, even though he’s lived through hell his entire life. No. Chase James is the sweetest guy I’ve ever known, and he makes me his priority every summer.
I never should have listened to my mother.
“Yes,” is the one word I manage to squeak out.
I just wish I had saved myself for him.
His lips come down on mine, and I decide that at least I have some experience and can make this memorable for him. Something I learned from my ex is that guys grow more attached to girls based on the impression they leave them with in the bedroom.
Well, in this case, a rooftop. Our rooftop. Our place.
I have to leave a nine month impression.
“I love you,” I whisper, even though it’s not the first time I’ve ever said it.
He grins, nuzzling my cheek with his nose. “I love you, Mika. Always.”
With a gentle push, I nudge Chase over and onto his back, and his breaths grow harsher as I straddle him and start unbuttoning his shirt slowly, not getting in any sort of a rush.
“What are you doing?” he whispers, nervous again.
“Making sure you remember you love me,” I tell him with a smile. Then… Then I work hard to leave the best impression for the rest of the summer.
***
“No, we’re supposed to be going to Hayden. We go every year!” I argue, following my mother around as she starts throwing boxes down the stairs. I’m so over her temper tantrums.
“Your father is going,” she spits out. “But you’re not. And neither is Aidan.”
My useless twin brother just walks by with his headphones on, acting as though nothing in the world is wrong. I wish I had the ability to ignore the crazy beast that is my mother.
“You can’t keep us from Dad.”
“He gets you two weeks in the summer, and he can only take you out of the state if I say so. I don’t fucking say so!” she screams. “And that whore he’s living with isn’t going to be around my children!”
How did things get so messed up in one year? Last summer they were fine—well, they were bickering, but that’s normal. By Christmas, Dad was sleeping with his new secretary, living out the cliché from hell. And Mom continued the cliché by going crazy and boozing it up every chance she got.
Now this is all my current situation.
“Aidan!” she yells.
“Yeah?” he answers, even though he sounds like he’s annoyed. He’s not the only one. I can’t possibly miss a summer in Hayden. No way.
“Get those boxes and throw them in the burn pile with the rest of his shit.”
Same thing every weekend. She’s merely digging for scraps he left behind at this point, just so she’ll have something to burn. She’s just as guilty as Dad is. She can’t keep her skirt down around men in general. She was only loyal to Dad for a while.
“Mom! Focus,” I yell, clapping my hands to draw her attention as she takes another long sip straight from the wine bottle. She drank away her dignity and class after finding out she was getting left for a woman in her twenties.
“What?” she bites out, glaring at me.
“I have to go to Hayden. Chase is—”
“A poor boy in your father’s hometown. Be glad you aren’t getting tied down to the scum that town produces,” she clips out. “That place is toxic.”
My shoulders square, and I step closer.
“I’m going to Hayden.”
The bottle slams against the wall, and wine explodes with the glass as my mother’s full-crazy mode comes into light.
“You don’t tell me what you’re doing. I tell you what you’re doing. Fuck your father. Fuck his barely-legal slut. Fuck Hayden. And if you even think about trying to go there yourself, I will call the cops. You’ll be arrested as a runaway, Mika. Don’t mess with me.”
Tears fill up in my eyes, but my mother only continues to glare at me with dismissive coldness.
“It’s a teenage summer crush, Mika. Get over it. It’s time to grow up. Things are changing, in case you haven’t noticed.”
She spins on her heel and stalks away as I sink to the floor. Picking up my phone, I try to call my father, but of course it goes straight to voicemail. There’s never any cell signal at the lake house, and there’s not a landline there.
Chase doesn’t even have a phone, and I’ve only met his friends a few times. None of them really like me, since they think I’m the rich brat that steals him away every summer. It’s not like I have their numbers on hand.
Our usual snail mail method isn’t good enough at the moment. I really thought Mom was going to let me go, but a letter will take too long to get to him to tell him I can’t come.