“Sorry to interrupt your . . . ,” her eyes lifted to meet mine so that I could witness the disapproval that came with her words, “slumber party, but Jack called me this morning. He’s incredibly concerned, to say the least, as are your father and I.”
Tightly closing my eyes, I envisioned all of the ways I could murder my agent. It would need to be slow and painful, much like this conversation. How dare that fucking asshole call my mom. I wasn’t a goddamn child. “There’s no need to be concerned, Mom. I have it all under control.” As soon as the words slipped out, I knew things were about to get worse. My mom hated when I lied to her and I had just uttered as big of a lie as I had ever told her. I was far from having anything in my life under control.
“Oh, really,” she scoffed, “because it doesn’t seem like you have it all under control. Jack said he’s been trying to get in touch with you for weeks and you haven’t returned a single one of his calls. Supposedly a local sports network wants you to do some guest pregame coverage for the upcoming hockey season. He said it could turn permanent. Were you aware of this?” Her anger faded as she spoke, and sadness took its place. Tears wet her eyes.
It ripped me apart. I hated seeing my mom hurting, especially when I was the cause of it all. This woman was the only female on the planet who gave a fuck about me, and all I did was hurt her. I wished I could be a better person for her. But I couldn’t. We all needed to face the facts: I was a grade A asshole who would be a constant source of disappointment to my family. I need a drink. “Mom, I’ll handle it. Please, don’t worry about this stuff. I mean, it’s not like I need to work. I’m just waiting for the right opportunity to present itself.”
She began wringing her hands as she listened to my bullshit. “Things don’t just present themselves, Max. You need to work for them. And don’t you dare tell me not to worry. You know damn well that I have every reason to worry.”
I had no response to this. The truth was, she did have every right to worry. If I cared more about my well-being, I’d be worried too. I was a mess. “I’m sorry that I’m such a pain in the ass.” I dropped my eyes to the floor, unable to look at her as I spoke.
She sighed heavily as her hand reached up and touched my cheek. “Max, look at me.”
I lifted my eyes hesitantly.
“I love you. I will always love you, and you’ve made us incredibly proud in many, many ways. But there is a great life waiting out there for you, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t pain me to see you content to just let it all pass you by. I know you’re hurting and I know you’re bitter. But no one can make any of that better except you. It’s time to deal with your problems and start working to fix them. It’s time to grow up, darling.”
Her words didn’t surprise me. I had said variations of them to myself over the past few months. But saying them and doing them were two different things. I just wasn’t up for fixing my life right now. “I’ll call Jack today,” was all I could offer her, and it sounded as half-hearted as it felt.
She simply nodded, knowing damn well that I wasn’t going to call. “Okay then, I guess I’ll head home. Your father said he’d have breakfast waiting when I got there. If you hear about a death due to food poisoning, just remember that my will is in the safe in my bedroom closet.” She shifted even closer to me, the weight of our conversation slowing her down, making her seem weary.
I leaned down so she could kiss my cheek, but she withdrew right before her lips were about to make contact. I looked down at her to see her staring behind me, and I turned to see what had caught her attention. Fuck! Standing on the stairs, wearing my T-shirt but no pants, was Gina/Jamie/Jenna.
“Sorry to interrupt. I just wasn’t sure if you wanted me to make you some breakfast before I left for work.”
Breakfast? Is this bitch insane? “No, I’m fine,” I said through gritted teeth. “But help yourself. The kitchen is that way.”
The . . . girl seemed to take the hint, because she scampered off in the direction I pointed. By the time I turned back to my mom, she had already opened the door and was beginning to pull it closed behind her. But she stopped before it closed all the way and, without turning back toward me, began talking. “You know, you can sleep your way through this entire state, Max. It’ll never fill the void she left. It'll only make it deeper.” And with that, she closed the door the rest of the way and left.
I stood there for a minute, just staring at the door. Nothing I could say would justify my recent behavior. I knew that she was right, but there was something about having it actually said out loud that affected me on a much deeper level than it had before. I finally ran my hand through my hair and turned toward the kitchen, wondering if I could get another blowjob before I got this chick the hell out of my house.
Chapter 2: Lily