You’ll figure it out. Don’t you have a whole notebook full of lyrics? Is there something you can use in there?
I stared at that notebook on my nightstand. My favorite song was the one I’d first written about him. “Left Behind.” I couldn’t use that. I had no right to assign emotions and words to his experience.
I’ll figure something out, I wrote back. Now leave me alone, I’m trying to write!
He sent me another model-face selfie and I laughed and tucked my phone away.
Cade came up behind me in the school parking lot Monday morning and picked me up in a hug. I let out a surprised yelp. He kissed my cheek and put me down. My cheeks were hot as he grabbed my hand and we continued walking.
“Did that embarrass you?” he asked.
“No. Just surprised me.”
He studied my face for a moment. “Are you not okay with being public about this?”
I had been more worried that he wouldn’t be. I was fine. “Of course I’m okay with this.”
“I’m not ruining your hipster vibe?”
I laughed. “My hipster vibe? I didn’t know I had one of those.”
“Oh, you do. You’re casually cool. Uniquely different. And I’m totally throwing that off.” He gestured to himself. His smile made it seem like a joke but I wondered if he really was worried.
I stopped, turned toward him, and kissed him in the middle of the crowded parking lot. “You’re my favorite mainstream boy in the world. Don’t forget it.”
This time he blushed a little. “Good. Because I am pretty great. I just wanted to make sure you appreciated that.” He winked at me, his confidence back.
I rolled my eyes and pulled him forward along with me. “Oh, I do.”
“Did you find your inspiration over the weekend?”
I growled.
“That good, huh?”
“I wrote and erased five lines.”
“When can I hear your songs?”
“When Blackout lets me write for them.”
He laughed. “I have an idea for inspiration. How about you actually come to the rally today?”
“The school rally? The one they do in the gym with screaming people and chanting and school spirit? And … wait, how do you know I don’t go to rallies?”
“I notice you, Lily Abbott.”
I smiled. “I’m still not going to the rally.”
“Just today. They’re doing some big thing for the football team and then introducing the post–winter break sports. That’s me. You want to be supportive and stuff, right? And I actually expect you to come to some of my baseball games in the spring.”
“I’m super supportive. I’m going to be there. At the rally and at your games. You watch me. I will be the best girlfriend ever.” I said the word before I realized I said it then quickly backtracked. “I mean, not necessarily girlfriend. Dating person. The person you go out with … and kiss … and, I’m sorry I’m still weird.”
“You are adorable. And I didn’t think I needed to ask. I thought it was assumed. But I’ll ask.” Then he did the most embarrassing thing in the world. He threw his hands in the air as we were approaching the commons and screamed, “Lily, will you be my girlfriend?”
“Not after that I won’t,” I said.
“Really?”
“Of course I will. Now put your hands down and stop being so … ”
“Mainstream?”
“Loud.”
He laughed and gave me a quick kiss. “See you at the rally, girlfriend.”
If I smiled any more at school people might start to think I actually liked to be there. I settled into my seat in Chemistry, a new feeling of appreciation for the class coming over me. Maybe I owed Chemistry some effort for all it had done for me. I was going to get my grade up. Isabel would help me.
My hand immediately went to the underside of the desk even though Cade and I both knew Mr. Ortega was on to us and we’d said we wouldn’t write anymore. My smile widened when I felt something there.
“You and Cade, huh?” Lauren said from next to me and I jumped a little. I pulled the letter onto my lap so she wouldn’t see it.
“I guess,” I replied. “I mean, yes. Me and Cade. Cade and I. We don’t really fit but we … ” Why was I explaining myself to Lauren? “Yes.” I forced myself to stop with that.
She looked over my shoulder and nodded. I quickly glanced over as well and saw the back of Sasha heading to her seat. I was surprised she hadn’t said anything. She was probably embarrassed. She’d said enough over the last few weeks. I was glad she was going to quietly lick her wounds.
I waited several minutes—until Mr. Ortega started his lesson, until Lauren was busy taking notes—to open the letter. The handwriting brought my smile back.
Hi. I know we’re not writing anymore but I couldn’t help myself. I’m thinking about you. Plus, I forgot to tell you something this morning. Remind me later. Now pay attention or Mr. Ortega will steal this.
I grabbed my phone from my bag and sent him off a quick text.