Maryam was stabilized on arrival at the hospital yesterday, and was the first on the surgeon’s emergency list that evening. The wound she sustained was to the arm that already bears a scar.
“You’re going to have another scar, I’m afraid,” the surgeon said when he explained the procedure to the family, “but it should be quite a bit tidier.” Sofia translated. Then she added something that made Maryam smile in spite of the pain.
“It’s nice to see a smile,” said the nurse as she unwrapped the blood pressure cuff from Maryam’s arm.
“I told her this new scar is a badge of courage,” Sofia said.
The surgery went well.
When Nur lets himself into the room, Maryam puts a finger to her lips.
“He’s still sleeping,” she says.
Abdi is lying on the relative’s bed underneath the window. He looks thin.
Last night it fell to Nur and Sofia to tell him that Noah had died. He took the news very hard.
Nur embraces his wife and daughter, and then approaches Abdi.
He shakes the boy’s shoulder gently and Abdi opens his eyes. He fell asleep in the midst of his grief and has woken up in its grip, too.
Nur sits down beside him and opens his arms. Abdi lets himself be held and returns the embrace. It takes long minutes for him to stop shaking. When he does, Nur hands him a hot drink and something to eat, and passes food to the women as well.
The family know that they’ll have to face the world once again in a heartbeat’s time. They know that Abdi may have to face charges over whatever happened to Noah, and they also know that things have changed for them all.
But for now they eat together. The rest can wait.
Hours later, Sofia arrives at home to get some rest. Alone in the flat, she tidies up. She wants everything to be nice in advance of her mother’s and brother’s return. They don’t yet know when they’ll be able to be at home together again, but they hope in the next day or two.
She finds Abdi’s bag in her room, the one he took to the sleepover. She empties it out so that she can wash Abdi’s clothes. Among the clothing is the paperwork she took from Noah’s desk.
She sits on the kitchen floor beside the washing machine as its cycle gets under way. She’s bone tired and she can’t be bothered to get up. She sifts idly through the papers.
At the very bottom of the pile, there are two A5 envelopes that she didn’t notice when she first looked through this stuff on the bus.
On the first, Mum and Dad is printed in neat, slanting writing; on the second, by the same hand, Abdi.
Underneath each of the names, a sentence is carefully printed: To be opened when I’m gone.
The handwriting isn’t Abdi’s, and Sofia understands immediately that these have been written by Noah, and she must deliver them.
Abdi reads his letter at the hospital, surrounded by his family.
Dear Abdi,
It’s weird to be writing this, because if you’re reading it, I’m dead and gone. But you know that anyway, because if all went to plan you were with me when it happened.
I wanted you there so much, and I’m so glad you were.
I got the news from my doctor that I was terminal about a week ago, and the idea of dying slowly has been too much for me to bear. I’ve seen it happen in the hospital, seen what it does to the patient and to the parents. That wasn’t for me. I didn’t want to fade away under the sheets until I was just skin and bones.
Suicide is a big thing, but not so much if you’re on your way out anyway.
My only problem was that I couldn’t do it alone, but I also couldn’t inflict the spectacle of it on my parents.
I chose you, Abdi, to be there, because you’re my best friend.
I thought you’d appreciate the planning, the strategy, and the execution. To do it at the fog bridge added a sense of drama I thought you might appreciate, too. I wanted my last few minutes to be a party, with you. A proper teenage send-off.
Did you notice my backpack was laden with weights before I went in the water? I hope not.
All the elements in place like a finely played chess game, no?
Please don’t be sad about it, or guilty. I’m sorry to bring you into it for the sad things it’ll make you feel, but please try to get over that and think of it as a thing that bonds us, even after I’m gone. I would like that.
Thanks for everything.
Your best friend forever, Noah
When Abdi finishes reading, he thinks: You used me. You intended to die on Monday night.
That’s when his tears finally come. It’s a release of sorts.
A few hours later he asks to speak to Detective Inspector Clemo. He’s ready to tell the whole story, in his own words.
Fiona Sadler hears the metal slap of the letterbox.
She walks slowly through the hall where the family grandfather clock ticks steadily.
There’s an envelope on the mat in the porch, and on it a sticky note explaining that Sofia picked it up by mistake when she fetched Abdi’s things.
Fiona peels the note away and sees Noah’s handwriting.
She calls Ed.
Her fingers shake as she tears the envelope open, ever so carefully, and unfolds the letter. The sight of her son’s handwriting is as painful as if the words were lines that have been carved into her own skin.
Noah’s explanation is short: He decided to take his own life because he wanted to spare them the steep decline that he knew was imminent. He didn’t want to diminish in front of them. His words tear at Fiona. She and Ed knew that Noah didn’t have long to live, but she wanted every nanosecond of that time. She was accustomed to the pain of watching Noah’s struggle with his illness. She felt as if she had it in her to help him to the end, that she was as ready as anybody ever could be to face such a thing.
Noah’s letter ends with a thank-you to his parents for everything they’ve done, and some heartfelt words of love that will help sustain Fiona and Ed as they grieve their loss, though his choice to take his own life in this way is something they’ll struggle to get over.
A short time after reading the letter, Ed Sadler picks up the phone and calls DI Clemo.
“Noah went out on Monday night intending to take his own life,” he says. “Abdi Mahad was not responsible for his death.”
Fiona herself picks up the phone to call Emma Zhang. She forbids her to publish any of the material from their interview. She threatens legal action if Emma goes against her wishes. She knows that this appeal to Emma’s better nature is probably hopeless, but she gives it her best shot.