“Gracie?” Hudson calls from outside the door.
“Just a minute,” I say, relieved that my voice sounds calm. Wiping away the tears, I gulp down a deep lungful of air and unlock the door.
As I stride past him, he chuckles and grabs me around the waist. “Where do you think you’re going?”
I stop and spin to face him. He must see something in my expression, because all the humor in his face fades. “What’s wrong?”
My lower lip trembles. “Nothing. I need to go home, that’s all. I mean, we’re done, right? Three times. You took my virginity.”
A crease appears between his brows. “Hey, I didn’t take anything. We shared this. And it was fantastic.” He places his hands on my shoulders and gives them a squeeze. His pep talk reminds me of a coach preparing a down-and-out player to return to the big game. But this was never a game to me, and I can never go back. Not to his bed, not to the warm safety of his arms. I feel shattered and hollow. And so incredibly alone.
“Right. And now we’re done.” My voice is cold and emotionless. But it needs to be. I hadn’t been protecting myself before, but that changes starting now.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his tone softening as he watches me.
This whole situation is made all the more awkward by the fact that we’re both still naked. His soft cock hanging between us is a sad reminder that everything’s over now.
“I’m fine,” I say, crossing the room and stepping into my underwear as a stray tear escapes. Damn it. Trying not to let him see, I wipe it away with the back of my hand.
“You’re not fine.” He takes my hand and leads me back to his bed, which looks like a bomb went off in it. The blankets are scattered everywhere and the sheets are tangled. The pillows got kicked to the floor over an hour ago. We sit down on the end of the bed and I stare down at the floor between my feet. “Please tell me what you’re thinking,” he presses gently. “Do you regret this?”
I want to tell him no, but the truth is, part of me does. If I knew how absolutely miserable I’d feel after it ended, I don’t know if I would have agreed to this. When I registered on those dating sites, it wasn’t just to lose my virginity; it was to find someone I could date, maybe even see a future with. But Hudson isn’t that person. I should have kept that in mind from the beginning. “I’m not sure,” I start. “I mean, for you to be my first … it’s what I’d always wanted. But now that it’s over, it just kind of … sucks.”
He doesn’t say anything, but when I glance over at him, his jaw is set firm and I can see his pulse pumping in his neck. I have no idea what he’s thinking. Crap, I said way too much. I just admitted I've always wanted to fuck him. Great...now he's going to think I'm obsessed with him. Not that that's far from the truth.
I open my mouth to tell him never mind, I’m just going to go home. But instead I start rambling like I always do when I’m nervous. “When you suggested these three lessons, I was so happy, but now I’m feeling sad that it’s over, and I’m sorry because I know you don’t do relationships.”
He exhales slowly, audibly, in the otherwise silent room.
I’m sure he’s about to shoot me down, tell me all the reasons why we can’t be together. My brother would never allow it, or I’m too young for him, or he might just agree with me that he’s not looking for a relationship.
But instead of doing any of that, he rises to his feet and begins pacing across his bedroom.
Then he stops abruptly and looks down, seeming to realize that he’s still naked.
He grabs his boxer briefs and puts them on. “This is too important of a conversation to have naked.” He smirks at me.
“S-should I get dressed?” I ask.
Shaking his head, he steps close. “No, you’re perfect the way you are.”
He stands directly in front of me and lifts my chin, holding my cheek in his large palm while his thumb skims along my skin. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the sting of his words. I’m sure he'll try to let me down easy, but it still feels …
“You’re right. I don’t do relationships. I’ve never found the appeal. But these past few nights with you have been incredible. So even though I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to relationships...I’ve always wanted you too. And now that we’ve started this, the last thing I want to do is stop.”
I blink my eyes, sure I just imagined what I heard. “What are you saying?” A few hopeful butterflies are already waking up in my stomach.
“I'm saying, let’s do this. We owe it to ourselves to at least try and see where this goes. We have a great time together. In bed and out of it. And I’m sure as fuck not ready to let you walk away and date one of these dickheads from that website.”
I giggle, delirious happiness bubbling up inside me. Until my thoughts drift to my brother. “What about Hayden?” I frown, chewing on my lip.