Nightmare rests his head on his paws and stares at me. I think he’s hoping I’ll toss him a few fries.
“She’s a helluva looker too,” I say, giving in and handing the dog a fry. He eats it before staring horrified that I might think one is enough. I give him a few more, and he’s a happy camper. “She has kids. Women with kids are too much of a hassle. You remember Brenda.”
I think to my last attempt to have a girlfriend. She came with a daughter, an ex-husband, custody issues, and too much whining to make the relationship worth my time. The woman was so self-absorbed I had to dump her twice before she noticed.
Candy might be worth trying again. When I yelled at her earlier about not answering the phone, she yelled she was in the bathroom. Did I want her crapping on the floor or was it possible for me to get off my ass and pick up the phone myself?
The chick is ballsy, and I like women with big brass ones. I figure office life will get very complicated if I decide to pursue my assistant. I consider waiting to make my move until she settles in, but I know other men will soon circle her like sharks. Available attractive women in White Horse are a rarity.
No doubt I’ll need to put my mark on Candy before it’s too late.
FIVE - CANDY
When I pick up the twins, I learn Honey’s douche husband is working late and won’t be home for dinner. My sister looks like crap, and her kids are writing on the walls. I want to kick their adorable little asses, but instead, I suggest she come with me to dinner at McDonald’s. Her kids can wear themselves out in the play area, and I can learn to be friends with Honey. A simple enough plan.
“Andrew doesn’t want me to discipline them,” Honey says when her older two kids throw fries at each other. “He feels his way his better.”
“Marriage is a fascinating institution,” I say rather than what I’m really thinking.
I turn to her six-year-old daughter Allison. “Stop throwing the fries or I won’t let you go in the jungle gym.”
“No!” she yells at me.
“No what?” I ask.
“I’m gonna play.”
“Not if you don’t stop throwing the fries. I will hold you on my lap while everyone else plays. You can fight me, but I won’t let go. I’m very, very stubborn. You can scream and kick, but I won’t let you go. I will make you sit here and watch the others play. Aunt Candy doesn’t mess around. So are you going to stop throwing your fries?”
Allison looks at her mom for assistance, but Honey only stares at her food. Exhausted by her life, she wants someone to fix what she’s broken. I’d feel sorry for her if I wasn’t the middle child and forced to figure everything out in life myself.
“Well?” I ask again.
Allison doesn’t respond, but she eats her food without throwing them at Evan. Her brother sitting across the table gets the message too.
“Thanks,” Honey mumbles to me.
“No problem. I like bossing around small humans.”
Honey stares at me, and I realize how much she looks like our mom. “I’m tired all the time.”
Nodding, I say nothing. I’m not someone who offers advice. I don’t believe people really want anything besides sympathy when they ask for advice. I know I don’t.
“Before we move into a house, you should bring the kids to the hotel so they can swim,” I say instead of pretending to know how to fix her problems.
“That would be nice.”
Her lackluster response steals my interest in talking to her. I focus on Chipper nibbling at his chicken nuggets. I imitate him, and he laughs. He’s such a mellow kid. I feel lucky to have done the hard work with the kids when they were little. Now I have them pretty well trained.
Once all six kids finish eating, I give them permission to use the play area. I see Allison peeking back at me to see if I’m watching her. When she finds me eyeballing her hardcore, the kid stiffens. Yeah, Aunt Candy is a big old meanie.
“What’s it like working for the scariest man in town?” Honey asks as soon as we’re alone.
“A little boring. Hayes won’t let me do much. I figure he’s worried I’ll quit. Once I don’t, I hope he gives me more to do.”
“Is he horrible?”
“No. He yells a lot, but mostly at other people, so I don’t care.”
“I’ve heard a lot of things about him.”
“Like what?”
“That he kills people for pissing him off. That he owns half of the businesses in White Horse. That he will see a woman and order her to sleep with him. If she doesn’t, something bad happens to her family.”
I roll my eyes. “Who told you all that?”
“People talk.”
“People are morons,” I say, realizing I sound like Hayes. “I don’t doubt he breaks rules and laws and does what he wants, but he’s not a monster.”
“You should be careful.”
“No.”
“No?”
“Life is about taking chances and expecting most of them to end up in the dumper. I like my job, and I find Hayes interesting.”
“He is attractive. Rough, if you like that sort of thing.”
Something about her tone makes me curious. “Do you like rough?”