“Whoa, what was that about?” Sally said eagerly as she gazed at me. “And kinky bitch? Where did that come from?”
“I have no idea.” I laughed. “I can’t believe I said that.” I groaned. “Kinky bitch? Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I said that. He just kept saying stuff trying to turn me on, so I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.”
“What do you have planned?” Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. “You’ve been holding back on me, girl.”
“I have nothing planned.” I groaned. “I just said that to him to make him think I had something planned.”
“Oh.” She giggled. “You need to think of something then.”
“You think so?” I asked, groaning. “I mean, I have no idea what I can do that would make him believe that I’m a kinky bitch.”
“You can do whatever you want.” Sally smiled, but I could tell from the look on her face that she was doubtful.
“What am I doing, Sally?” I sighed, my head suddenly feeling heavy and my stomach wracked with nerves. “I feel like I’m playing a role, being some character I’m not and I just don’t know what to do. I feel so happy being with him, but it all seems so fleeting. Like I don’t know what he really wants, and if it’s the kinky sex that’s important to him, well, how’s that supposed to make me feel?”
“I don’t know what to say.” She chewed on her lower lip. “I wish I knew what to say. I want to say all the things you want to hear, like this is going to grow and work out, but I don’t know. I mean, this is real life, right? When do guys ever really change? I mean, do you feel like there’s a possibility that he really likes you, like-likes you, likes you?”
“I used to think that,” I said and then I paused. “Actually, I don’t know if what I felt was real or if it was all in my head. Some sort of hope manifesting itself in me and making me see things that aren’t real.”
“Don’t overthink it,” Sally said and then grabbed my hand. “Just see what he says and does. I mean, you’ve waited your whole life for him, you might as well see exactly what he’s open to, what he might really be feeling.”
“Yeah.” I nodded and smiled, but my heart sank as I thought about her words. They were exactly the same sort of words I’d said to her before about Cody, but what did they really mean? Nothing. Sally and I were both keeping hope alive, but I wasn’t sure if it was worth it. Were we wasting our lives and silently killing ourselves slowly with the wait?
***
“So where should we go?” I asked Sally as we got into her car. “Macy’s? Dillard’s?”
“Macy’s?” She looked at me and laughed. “Are you out of your mind?”
“What’s wrong with Macy’s?” I laughed, trying to forget all my worries and just enjoy the afternoon out.
“You have a black credit card.” She grinned at me. “With what I can only assume is a massive limit. Actually, do you know the limit?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I have no idea.”
“Call the number on the back of the card.” She turned the key in the ignition and started her car, but turned to me instead of pulling out of the driveway. “Come on, Mila.”
“Seriously, Sally?” I shook my head. “I’m not calling to find out the limit. They aren’t going to tell me anyway.”
“Why not?” Her eyes crinkled as she stared at me. I knew that look in her eyes. She wanted to know and she wasn’t going to back down.
“Fine.” I giggled. “You know this makes us horrible people, right?”
“Why does it make us horrible? Remember when we got our first credit card in college? Remember how we called every week to see if the limit had been raised?”
“That’s because we were stupid and wanted to buy things we couldn’t afford.” I laughed as I pulled out the card. “Thank God we only got thousand-dollar limits. You know how long it took me to pay that off?”
“I thought you were still paying it off.” Sally smirked and I laughed as I hit her playfully in the shoulder.
“You’re mean.”
“And you’re a shopaholic.” She grinned. “However, at least you aren’t a user. You’re not going to go crazy with TJ’s card.”